User Profile
Firstly I'm sorry for my bad English.Its not my native language.Well,I'm an 16 year old boy who is interested in music and politics.I've been hated because of my religion.I'm an atheist.They never liked me.They dont think me as one of them.I'm not a very-social-boy.

Oh I have epilepsy.I use Tegretol CR 400 to prevent it happen again.But when I concentrate,I just forget last 2 minutes.I cant remember what happened at that period.I just wanted to tell that.It causes my so muany problems.Because I think everyone hates when it happens.'Hey you there ?' hate this sentence.I'm really sorry.I dont want anyone to hate me.I dont want to hurt anyone.Please.

I love to play piano.I make my own compositions and my teacher says they're good.But I never like anything I do.I dont even like myself.And I cant even tell why I have some friends.I cant trust anyone.I dont even have any confidence in myself.

I live in a small town so I dont have much to do.I dont have that much friends also.Well,I was lucky to find a girl who loved me but I made too many mistakes.I really loved her I even wanted just live on with her.Then we broke up.That was a huge blow to me.I just sat and cried.I've never cried before.I was always sad,but I couldnt cry.You know.A bad experiance.

The thing is,I still cant do anything but to think about her.Now I cant even make new compositions,I dont love anything.I just want to lie there.Just die.

I've attempted to kill myself.5 times.But my mum always knew.I always woke up in hospital.

And recently I had a fight with my best friend.I told her that I'm sorry like ten times.It was my second time begging someone.I hate it.

And now I'm lost in myself.Just want to stop my pendulum.Just want to kill myself.Well,actually I love my mother and father and they love me.But.I feel,incomplete.

Now I dont have anyone to talk.My best friend was the only one that I could trust and talk.And.I'm so shy.As a boy.Meh.I really hate myself.I know if I live I can accomplish things.My grades are so good.But.I'm really incomplete.I've lost nearly everything I have.

I just want harmony of those notes to break my silence again.I just want her to be in my arms.I just want to be complete again.

Oh by the way.I go to a therapist but its been a long time since I last went.I also use Cipram,but that is not enough.I dont think medications are good.Whatever.

The funny thing is,I'm crying as I confess these to myself.Why do I write ? I dont know.Why do I live ? Who knows ? Why my mum always stops me from dying ? Dont.Please dont.I just want to die.
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replied February 14th, 2009
:(
I went through a stage like that when I was 13. My bestfriend(and crush) wanted nothing to do with me. My grandmother was in the hospital for a stroke and very sick, and my cousin was very ill with cancer. It's hard when everything starts to fall apart at once.. it's especially hard to keep yourself level headed. Our problems were two completly different things, yet I can relate to you in so many ways. Unfortunatly, depression is awful and it's not something you can help.. I really wanted to just tell you that I think you should write down your emotions in a journal, or since you love music, turn them into songs. It can be a real healing mechanism. Also, it's not unusual to feel alone, but if you did actually continue and commit suicide, do you think your mother and father would be able to go on? Just think everything through, because I'd hate to know that you've done something you'd regret. No, I'm not saying you should go commit suicide - I think it's cowardly, because I've attempted it myself. Believe it or not, life does get better. I'm a 17 year old girl, who lives life sick everyday, but the bright side is, the sun rises every morning, so I do too. Please stay strong, not just for yourself, but for your family.
All the best.
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