Medical Questions > Mental Health > Depression Forum

Years of depression, will it ever stop?

I'm here because even with professional help, I still can't overcome my depression.

It started as a teenager, I took different kinds of medication for depression and social anxiety. As I became older I stopped seeing doctors and taking any medication. I created a social life for myself, had and have good friends and would say I am generally well liked. There was probably five years or so, which I lived a "normal" life. There is nothing physically wrong with me, I'm reasonably attractive, and very intelligent. Yet, I have an intolerance for most people and social situations. When I would go to parties, I would drink quietly by myself, in a corner and observe the people around me. This observation would turn to disdain and hatred as I watched people interacting with each other in meaningless, trivial manners. Do not confuse this as envy, as I didn't want to be a part of it. I feel that I gave relationships and people a try, and cannot get satisfaction from those interactions.

Now I'm a 29 year old adult who can find no joy in anything. Most people create a bubble for themselves, filled with family and children. The idea of having a family of my own is awful, and I never want children. I think I would want to be married eventually, but even with women, after I'm done with them sexually, I have no reason to interact with them. I would crave that emotional connection, and when I would have it, do everything in my power to ruin it and become separated. Almost like becoming full at a dinner, the food loses any appeal. Really, I wish I could just remove my sexual needs as they are more annoying than rewarding.

I recently left my well-paying job of eight years, and have shut myself in completely. I ignore anyone who tries to contact me, and generally just keep my phone off. Things in life that I once enjoyed are now stale and meaningless to me.

I get no pleasure from social interactions or people. I get no pleasure from hobbies that I once enjoyed. I have no purpose, I have no meaning. There is nothing that defines me. I can't commit to doing things in life, when I would much rather just be dead instead. That way I would no longer feel this way, and wouldn't have to bother with anything.

I'm on several different medications and seeing various doctors again. I think back to when I was a teenager and how my life has come full circle to that point again. I gave life a shot, didn't care for the results and now want nothing to do with it.

So what am I to do? How can I overcome a feeling that has been persistent my entire life, which now has culminated even worse than before? How can I find satisfaction and pleasure in life, when the things I do and people I meet provide none?

My concern is that this will never go away, and I'll be writing something similar as a 39 year old.
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First Helper Kay911

replied September 8th, 2013
No insight?
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replied September 13th, 2013
wow i thought i was alone i still deal with it too,it's gotten worse then better for me.
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