Medical Questions > Conditions and Diseases > TMJ Forum

Would rather die than live with TMJ. (Page 1)

As the title points out, right now I am at a point where I would rather commit suicide then live with TMJ. I have read everything there is to read about tmj, and all I seem to get from any of it is that I am cursed to live the rest of my life in pain, and ultimately become a vegetable.

I am only 22 years old, I have had TMJ since I was 18, though it has never been properly diagnosed as I have never really had insurance, so when I noticed my jaw popping/clicking one day, I looked up the symptoms and I came across TMJ. Unfortunately at the time I did not read too much about it, just a general definition of what it is, and figured "ok, in a few years I will just get surgery to pop it back into place.", oh how terribly wrong I was.

I have always been a stressed person, always been depressed with social anxiety etc, but I never had been able to see anybody about it. So I guess over the years of agonizing about school, girls, friends, getting a job, working, paying bills, etc I must have let the stress get to me more than I should have which probably led to lots of clenching.

So I am trying to figure out how this TMJ happened. I think there were a few contributing factors. One, when I was little my parents were not really too good at parenting, i.e: telling us to clean our rooms, do our homework, etc. but most importantly never really stressed the concept of rushing our teeth twice a day every day. So at the age of 22, my teeth are in horrible condition, so horrible in fact I will probably need dentures by the time I am 30. There are not any missing, but they are brittle and the ones in the back are horribly decayed so I assume that led to my bite changing somewhat.

Two, as mentioned before, high stress in my life.

Three, in 2005 I joined a metal band as a vocalist, and had the tendency to over exert myself vocally, and I would open my mouth too wide and all that.

Four, I have always had a strange tick of making musical sounds with my mouth, clicking my teeth together to make drums noises, all sorts of strange things.

Five, ever since I started using the computer in 2000, my posture has not been too good. For a while there I was akin to Quasimodo, and had a reputation for being a hunch back.

I believe all of these are contributing factors to how my TMJ started.

Now 4 years later, I am sitting here in pain... my eyesight is blurry, and when I look at myself in the mirror I can tell the cheek muscles on the right side of my face are withering away, as my cheekbones never really protruded much. I have always had a high frequency of looking at myself in the mirror, especially as the years went by and I was getting more female attention, so I can tell the difference and it is horribly upsetting. I have been going to the chiropractor regularly since February to help my scoliosis (I think this could be making my TMJ worse) and all I know is the entire right side of my body hurts all over. In conjunction with going to the chiropractor, I have been getting massages from my friend Rachel who is a licensed massage therapist. She told me one day that she had gotten all the knotts out of my back, but when I told her I still had a bad pain in my right shoulder, she was stumped as to what the problem was. But now I know...

I have been working at a Wal Mart Supercenter for almost a year now, as a Stockman/Cart Pusher so I am usually on my feet walking around, doing extensive physical labor for 7 to 8 hours a day. I think this, plus going to the chiropractor, plus I still don't really have my posture correct, is making things worse.

I was feeling ok for awhile, I could tell things were a little different. Stuffiness in my ears was really bothering me, as I love listening to music. In fact one of my favorite things to do was listen to music for hours on end with my headphones. I grew accustomed to a strange way of enjoying music, which was standing up, sort of moving around to the music with headphones on and my eyes closed. That was the best way to do it. Now I cannot do it anymore, because all I can think of is how my face hurts, and the moving around makes me nauseous.

But things weren't that bad. You see, ever since 2005, one of my favorite things to do was smoke weed. When you smoke weed, your senses are heightened, you can feel everything, see things, understand things in a broader sense. Even the goings on of the human body. So I became in tune with the way my body was, and for the longest time, every time I got high, I could tell things were getting worse in my body. Doing it became more of a burden than a pleasure like it once was. I would get high, and afterward I would regret it and lay in my bed in a fetal position just hoping I would fall asleep so I would wake up and be fine.

I can honestly say that I felt fine up until the end of 2008 and things are worse than ever in 2009. In September 2008, I moved out of my apartment and back in with my parents. That was a stressful environment, because my parents would fight hardcore about politics all the time. As the months grew colder, that meant I would have to weigh myself down more with warm clothing at work. In November, 2 of our 3 machines that push carts, called QuikCarts, broke down and were out of commission for almost 2 months. To facilitate this, I ended up pushing myself harder and harder at work, and ever since then my physical well being has been declining and I find myself in pain all the time. The cold air of winter would always cause my face muscles to freeze up which was very painful.

On the night of my birthday, December 6th, 2008 my sister called me and told me that our dad had been cheating on my mom. Since December the 8th, he has been moved out, and that took a huge toll on me and the rest of the family. Seeing mom upset and crying every day, made me upset and just the mere fact that my father had let me down made me very depressed. It led to me getting stressed at work, and I think it might have knocked a screw loose mentally, because I don't feel the same at all anymore and it scares the hell out of me. Its scary when you don't know who you are anymore...

One night in I think January or February I smoked some weed. I was high and by myself in my room. I remember noticing one time while I was high, that if I positioned my jaw a certain way, most of the pain and pressure would disappear. So that night, I had made the mistake of not thinking it through and thought I could find a way to "pop it back into place." Well, I was fiddling around with it, and I put it in a position that felt somewhat normal, but I pushed it too hard and all of a sudden one of the most painful things to ever happen to me occurred, and it felt like I had snapped something in two! There was even a very loud popping noise, and my vision flashed white for a moment. Thinking that I had broken something, I started to feel numb and thought I was dying. My mom called the ambulance, they came over and I described what happened and the paramedic told me that I was having a panic attack, and that what was wrong with me was that I had TMJ (well I knew that!)

I think that night I may have accelerated a few years worth of damage to my jaw, I can barely even open it now without it popping very loudly. Soon after that incident, I noticed the vision in my left eye was sort of off. Eventually it spread to both eyes, and now everything is blurry and hard to see.
But it sucks, because I can remember quite clearly that my eyesight was fine just 5 months ago, and now its all messed up? Jesus...

I have always been a very nostalgic person, I look back fondly on years past because ever year seems to get worse. Like for instance, while I was living 2008, I thought that nothing could get worse. But so far in 2009, everything about my life is plummeting, and I can look back on the good times in 2008 and find myself missing so much about it.

Thats what I hate the most, I can remember vividly when I was normal, when I didn't have this pain... when I could see and hear correctly, and as time goes on, it's being taken away from me and there is nothing that I can do about it. Every time I read up on TMJ, all I ever get from it is: There is no cure, it is only going to get worse, and that I will never be the same again.

I am losing my friends because of this. I try to explain to them what is going on, and they all think I am crazy. They duck me all the time, they never want to hang out with me. I would smoke weed with one of my friends whom I have known since the 7th grade. Where as he is enjoying his high and shooting the breeze, I find myself sitting there, lost within myself... only thinking about the pain I am in, the hopelessness I feel, the depression I am feeling. And I can only imagine what goes through his mind when he looks at me, I can still remember looks of concern and even fear in his face. It breaks my heart, because he used to be one of my best friends.

I will lose even more friends because I wont be able to sing for my band anymore. We have a show coming up on May 10th, and I guess that is going to have to be my last show ever because my vocal chords are messed up, and my throat is getting tight so I cannot perform my "death growls" anymore. I think I am only friends with them because of that band, and now they wont have a reason to want me around...

I have accumulated a lot of debt within the last few years, and as this condition gets worse, I dread the day that I wont be able to work anymore, and so things will pile up and I wont have a way to pay it down, as well as I wont be able to afford medical insurance.

But thats another thing. It scares me to death and makes me feel more hopeless when I read that TMJ is typically not covered by insurance companies, and that doctors/dentists generally don't know much about the disorder or how to treat it, that they will just think I am crazy... like everyone else does.

I look at people all day, and I have a vehement hatred for them, torn apart by envy of them with their normal jaws and normal functions. What did I do to deserve this? Why is there no cure? Why is there no hope?

So all of that has me tossing around the idea of suicide. I figure that now I have nothing to live for, as my family is torn apart and none of them understand what I am going through. My friends are abandoning me one by one. My mental state is declining. I wont be able to hold a good career even if I wanted to, since in a few years I wont be able to drive or work because I will be nearly blind.

So what is there to live for? Maybe my destiny was to screw up everything in my life beyond repair, only to commit suicide? its tempting, its really tempting, its the only way out of this. I cannot sit here and be ok with this, when everything I see, smell, or hear reminds me of when I was NORMAL!!! A promising life taken away.

I think this is the end... I am going to give myself a year, if I cannot change anything or get any kind of treatment, then I am going to commit suicide.
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First Helper ARMYof1
Users who thank jmr12686 for this post: youwon  edgaras 

replied April 23rd, 2009
I'm very sorry that this has you feeling so
depressed, but what you need to remember, is that while TMJ cannot be "cured", it can be managed.

Has any doctor/dentist recommended for you to have an MRI scan? These are very helpful in informing you whether your TMJ is in the joint itself, or if it is muscular. Some of the pain you're feeling may not be from the joint, it could be the muscles. Both of my TMJs are deteriorating, but its my facial muscles are causing me the most pain.

Does your masseuse friend massage your neck and face? These are things you can do yourself in the shower as well. Also hot/cold packs are helpful. Limit your diet to soft foods only for a while and give your jaw a rest.

Have you visited a doctor/dentist to have this properly diagnosed? They may recommend a splint/mouthguard for you, also if it is a muscular condition, low dose tricyclic anti-dpressants can be very helpful.

Don't give up. It's not as hopeless as it seems.
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replied April 28th, 2009
Don't Give Up!
It's obvious you've been in tough times, man. Many of us know how ya feel... and granted, my TMJ may not be as bad as yours, but I've been there before. I'm currently recovering from a flare up, and I know how you can't think of anything other than how much you hurt. But there are still things you can do, still things worth living for to invest your time in.

Both you and I are young. I'm 21 and got TMJ after my jaw popped about a year back -- the disc was displaced, and as you know that's a permenant problem. Typically, I don't hurt, but I can hurt and there's nothing keeping me from deteriorating more in the future.

But life is short as it is. We're not here for long at all, so please don't shorten it for yourself! Keep going, stay away from that marijuana, take it each day at a time and love what you can while you can. That's really all that's important in life anyhow.

I'm not much of a religious person myself, but I'll be praying for you anyway. Hopefully, things will get better for you, me, and all of us.
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replied April 28th, 2009
Stop whining
You are the "cry me a river" type. Let me be very clear, ANYONE who commints suicide in this country in SELFISH. I could give you many reasons, however I feel you may be too self absorbed for that. You've plainly detailed out your pain and how it has consumed you and you don't know where alse to turn. well that last post touched on it but now you have no other choice....TURN TO GOD. I'm much older that you man and have cetaintly been in major pain and have been deep down in that darkness, down to my last match...when one day, I told God I'm through doing it on my own, please help...and HE did in ways that I never could of imagined. you may not heed my advise; one's that scream death metal may have trouble leaning on God, but your weak and need GOD, give it a serious try.

God bless you!
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Users who thank believer25 for this post: jmr12686  Anniewhereugo 

replied August 12th, 2014
How dare you!!! The only selfish person here is YOU. This poor young man comes here for help and support and you use it to further YOUR religions ambitions? You disgust me.

God can't stop physical pain, even you can't be THAT stupid. He can help your "inner self", he can make "your spirit strong" and He can do many other things for people, but curing physical aliments isn't one of them. Its beyond obvious you have never experienced extreme physical pain before. If you have, you would never claim that God could save you from it.

Being spiritually strong doesn't make pain go away or cure physical aliments. That's like saying a paraplegic is selfish by not walking around; apparently you think they just need to be cured by God and then they are fine. Sorry, doesn't work like that. It doesn't matter how religious you are or how strong your "inner spirit" is, if you a paraplegic, you will never walk. I'd also point out here that there has NEVER in the history of man been a case were a paraplegic magically was able to start walking again after turning to God. Maybe in your world that happens, but not here in reality. Mentally retarded individually can't simply "turn to God" and magically their normal. Again, not even 1 case in human history of that. So yeah, your claim is absolutely, ludicrously insane.

If God cured physical pain, NO ONE would see doctors. In fact, doctors would not even exist in this world. Every single human being would either pray or see their religious leader for healing.

How dare you troll the web spreading hate and bullying others. The irony is EXTREME. You say he is selfish, and yet here you are trying to satisfy YOUR NEED to spread YOUR religious beliefs. You disgust me. You are clearly a sick and twisted person.
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replied April 29th, 2009
You are right Believer, I am self-absorbed, but its not like I ever meant to be.

I never used to be this way. When I was little, my family and I lived in Arizona, and I was outgoing and had lots of friends. But we had to move to Missouri when I was 9 years old, and for years and years I was bullied. Over time the bullying led me to start believing that I was no good, worthless... and I lost all the social skills I had that used to come easy to me, and to this day I am shy and suffering with social anxiety. I haven't had many friends over the years, and it is increasingly difficult to make new friends. I just never know what to say to people, and the way I look throws people off. They take one look at me and automatically label me as scary, or angry and what have you.

After high school, my friendships started to dwindle, and now I am almost completely alone. Because of this new found, though unwanted solitude, I guess I did start to get lost within myself and only worry about myself because there was not really anyone else to focus on.

So you're right, I am self-absorbed, but I didn't ask for it. But I want to try and turn that around.

As for God, I have no problem accepting God in my life, maybe you are onto something there. I just don't know where to start. If you could enlighten me on where I should begin, then I am all ears (well all eyes, although the TMJ is making them blurry lol)

On another note, just because someone sings death metal, does not mean that they automatically denounce God and religion. Many of the bands who do that, well thats their gimmick, but they do believe, there is even Christian Death Metal lol. I believe in God, I tried to tell myself that he didn't exist, but when everything happened with my mom and dad, it made me think and realize that there has to be something bigger than all of us behind all the events in our lives.

The night I wrote this, I was a miserable wreck. I was depressed, in pain, and just didn't know what to do. Sometimes ranting makes a person feel better.

But since that night I have been determined to figure this all out, to find a way, and I'll let God guide me on this journey. In the meantime I will try not to be self-absorbed, think about my friends more and put msyelf aside.

I've been on a soft food diet, and that seems to be helping somewhat, I guess thats a start.

Thank you guys, for being supportive, despite the fact I was just being a whiny baby.
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Users who thank jmr12686 for this post: youwon  Anniewhereugo 

replied August 25th, 2018
Would Be Brother
JMR.. I don't think you're a whiny baby or anything.. I understand why "Believer" says as he does, I'm Christian as they come, Repent preaching, "Endtimes are here" 'Bible thumping' to the very end.. I LOVE God.. but the reason I'm finding this thread is because I typed in 'TMJ Suicide' .. I made the mistake of eating a sandwich earlier and it has ruined my Sabbath and I'm just that upset, it's moments like this I feel like running into traffic, I don't get a lot of pain from mine, but the clicking and popping just won't stop.. I rock and drone out drooling and cry even without pain being involved.

God's Holy Spirit helps me quiet my spells down, He talks me through my worst moments, but I wanted to see if others felt this way, hours of face 'quakes' does make you want to kill yourself..

What I'd like to say to you is this.. No lip service either.. God does have a plan for us, He hates we feel like killing ourselves, He hates to see us go through this, I know so, He's told me.. Our conditions are results of our own doing and circumstances, much like you are putting together here, and bottom line, that's what Satan has done, he set us and our families up to be diminished, weakened, sick, he wanted us dead, getting us to mess up our own faces wasn't the 'evil goal line' but it's "wonderful effect" as far as the Devil is concerned.

You and I have tons in common, I've done "Mouth music" (beat boxing) I've sung in metal bands, all my life, I hate that our creativity has ended up weakening us, I won't regret any of it, but yeah, it's upsetting.

I've asked Holy Spirit to "reach in my face" and totally take this away.. He helps me calm it and talks me through but He has told me He won't do that, just take it out of me, I feel like I could serve Lord Jesus, Yeshua so much better without it.. Studomer happens to be wrong, God can do anything, He could in fact just take this away.. But He is a FAIR Father who strives WITH us and not over us as He told Moses to write in Genesis.

I'm not ever going to hold anything against my Father nor His Son, my King who has the keys to all healing at His fingertips, I want Him to help others over me, in worse and abused situations... Nothing I FACE IN my own face is His fault and even if it hurts I understand why He just doesn't end this.

Paul had his thorn.. my thorn is right smack dab in my mouth.. I understand what Paul wrote about on our Sins becoming afflictions.

Job lost everything and ended up starving with boils all over.. But he didn't give up, he showed Satan up and God made things right in the end.. Paul limped bad and couldn't enjoy life whatsoever (his "Thorn" was in his loins) But again, he chinned high and beat back the curses of this fallen world and became triumphant.

We can do this JMR, lean on God my Man and know you're not alone.. Don't give up, don't let Satan get "Game points" at all.. he doesn't deserve it and you can BEAT him (you can BEAT this "World")

I'll say a prayer for ye JMR.
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replied May 2nd, 2009
At age 51 I am an older person and have fewer friends than I did when I was 20. Someone once said "We are all bit players in someone else's movie where they are the STAR"! I started feeling comfortable about myself after I found out most persons were just like me. I found that by getting an intense interest in handwriting analysis--I read every book I could find on the subject (and I hate to read). You could join a library and have access to a bunch of books. Colleges tend to have more books on handwriting analysis.

As to your TMJ--one very easy thing to do--KEEP YOUR TEETH APART ALL THE TIME--except while eating Smile
Just try it--I do mean all the time keep your teeth apart. Try it for two weeks and post your results.

As to God, you need to take that road. There is a God, someone who has the owner's manual to you because He created you. He loves you tons, He lived a perfect life and died for YOU. The best part is He is no longer in a grave somewhere, He is in Heaven building a home for you so He can live close to YOU sometime. He wants to talk with you--just try it, talk to Him, read about Him in the Bible.

Make a Great Day...
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replied May 3rd, 2009
i can related ur story a lot to mine more or less, I am guy and also 23 y o. if you want someone to talk to you can talk to me online on aim or something. that i can give u later
i can share you my story

adove all, i hope You ll have a better happy day, everyday
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replied May 20th, 2009
People that label others as selfish (as if it it is the primary fault and the cause of the suicidal tendencies) are really mistaken. I would like to explain why I think so.

If one has not experienced such feelings, how can one know what kind of person it takes to desire to die.

Reasons for wanting to die superficially might appear as selfish. For example, if someone has family and kids, and he/she simply ends his life and leaves his wife to take care of the kids by herself, alone; yes, this does seem selfish.

Unfortunately, the situation is often different, when facing true depression, clinical depression, person might be very much out of touch with reality ( or should I say, in touch with reality; as most regular people do not see the suffering, who wake up, eat breakfast, go to work, chat with friends, watch TV, eat dinner, have sex - doing all these things with high sense of enjoyment).

Whatever the cause of depression, everything becomes agony. Delusional thoughts that you are simply a burden on others come to mind, you think that your unhappy life is simply a bothersome thing for others. There is no "I" in suicide. It is indeed, as jmr12686 has mentioned, a sense of worthlessness, being nothing, annoyance for others. Just imagine having to spend holidays unable to smile or laugh, when others expect you to do so. When you are so sick that you isolate yourself and have nobody to talk to, you start to question the purpose of life.

When the pain is so bad that if feels as if hundreds of hooks were embedded inside your jaw and are being pulled in separate directions, all I can do is repeat, God have Mercy...

Yes, faith is important, it provides hope and perhaps even more.

Jmr12686, I am sure your thoughts remind many of what they have went through, or are going through, lack of comments does not signify people's lack of empathy to your situation.
It's a taboo topic.

The ability to express what you have is very unique thing, these things are hard to express. It helps others, I am also relieved knowing that I am not alone.

Please do a favor, if you have not seen a doctor see one, one for your mind and one for your jaw. And please, do not talk about the depression part with the oral surgeon, as the chances of you being misdiagnosed greatly increase. It is hard for doctors to understand that disability/sickness is often the cause of depression.

I would also recommend that you would not put all your life experiences together - try to see it as different, separate things; pain is one, your career goals is another, your family - yet another. When you paint a picture and include all these things together, it becomes way too dark.

For example - any person might get depressed, if they experience following events in one month: death of family member, death of a pet, inability to complete a college course, brake up with a close friend.

Often it is seen as one big picture, and then what happens - when a reason for such events cannot be found, people go to such extent as to blame themselves for what has happened in their life.

Indeed, that is the primary cause of suicidal tendencies - blaming yourself for conditions that are often out of your control.

I've know a girl who would hate herself because she thought that she was ugly and nobody liked her. She was actually good looking. But perhaps the guilt, thoughts of "my life is a tragedy, it is miserable, I am miserable,I must be the cause of it, maybe if I did not exist everything would be better."

That's exactly what I am trying to illustrate - the chain of thoughts, often invalid, that circle around in one's head. Thus, there is an importance of friends, therapist, and even God, whoever can provide an alternate view of things, different view of the world, events, past memories, current feelings...

Life is full of suffering, that's a fact, were are dependent on our bodies, our environment. Both, the environment and the body change with time, often completely out of our control, without asking or warning us.

Lack of control (inibility to control pain, abuse, thoughts, past memories) - that's another big reason why people lean toward suicide.

And who can blame them, when you see a pet who's been in an accident, and when nothing can be done to help, just a thought of the agony experienced by another being often makes one feel obligated to help eliminate the pain. I've had an old dog, who would not stop bleeding, it ended up finding peace at the pet doctor.

It is a different story with us however, when were are really sick and nobody seems to understand, we try to help ourselves. Often this occurs with our minds obscured, judgment clouded. Rarely, conscious decision is made when facing a terminal ilness, after consultation with psychiatrist who assures that a person is indeed sane and is not doing it out of depression. Desire for euthanasia in such cases is normal. I am assured, that there are people who would rather leave for a dessert than allow their families to see their suffering.

Fortunately, simple TMJ dysfuction is not incurable. Literature cites that some patients recover within 5 or so years.

There are many reasons for this condition, often it is as simple as taking care of the stress, and relieving the pressure on the joints, rehabilitating the muscles, undergoing physical therapy to correct the posture, wearing orthotic appliance, trying medications; and if there is something wrong anatomically, undergoing surgery as last resort.

Future holds many new therapies; I pray that future medicine advances, that doctors would devote their time to investigate this condition and find reliable treatments.
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Users who thank edgaras for this post: Anniewhereugo 

replied May 25th, 2009
you are not alone
Hey please don't give up. I have been dealing with the pain of TMJ for about six years. I know that one day someone will find a drug or something to help us. ALWAYS wear a splint to bed, avoid sticky chewy foods, do not eat ice, apply heat and ice, REST, get massages, and exercise. We are all in this together but taking your life is not the answer. I just went to a funeral two weeks ago of a girl I was friends with that committed suicide and it is the ULTIMATE worse thing to do to the people who care about you. God made you for a reason and there is a reason we are all going through this.I am in chronic pain every single day and it IS tough.I will be praying for you.
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replied June 3rd, 2009
Hey! I know how you feel, it really really sucks! I don't have a lot of advice on how to deal with the pain, as I'm still working on that myself, but I do find that a lot of migraine meds tend to help. As for the difficulty in listening to music because of ear problems, I just put an earbud in my unaffected ear. I know it's not ideal, but it is better that nothing! Best of luck! I'll be crossing my fingers for you!
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replied June 7th, 2009
TMJ Disorders and suicide
Hello, I am sorry my English is not very good but your message here touched me a lot. I am from Belgium and I have been suffering from severe TMJ disorders for 6 years. I am a 26-year-old woman and I live like a 80-year-old woman. My diet is exclusively liquid, I cannot chew anymore, speaking is very painful for me, my jaw is locked, I have two luxations of the meniscus of my jaw and I have already gotten 5 maxillofacial surgeries (nearly 6) for this problem. My TMJ are in a very bad conditions (as seen in MRI). It's a very hard condition, I actually survive more than I live. I have the feeling that my youth was wasted by this TMJ disorders. I stopped my studies, I take antidepressant and other medecines. The only person that understands how bad my living conditions are, is my sister. Even the doctors hardly believe me until they see my MRI and PET Scan. I think about my suicide every day, but I try to be strong and continue to survive with the liquid diet and the pain. I pray God and I hope my life conditions will be better someday. If I recover one day, I will help people with TMJ disorders, but for the moment I survive and I do everything to find a solution. You are not alone.
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Users who thank davie1515 for this post: krametta 

replied June 9th, 2009
Hi jmr12686,

I was reading through your posting, and wanted to let you know that you're feelings are real and completely understandable. I have had several surgeries since I was 17 years old (started treatment at 16, and I'm 33 now), and have been on a soft food diet for three years.
Now, I'm waiting to have the joints replaced.

I grew up with my mother sick and in hospital a lot, and she had a number of scary surgeries. I think that growing up in this environment helped me a lot, by putting chronic pain into perspective...

There are two choices to make...1) you can let pain rule your life ... or ... 2) you can accept that you will have pain, and learn how to accommodate you can have a life that you can enjoy.

Its not easy, and I still have days where I can to cry, because I don't remember what its like not to have this overwhelming pain...

And that is where great friends come in... real, honest-to-God friends ... that will bring over homemade soup, or ice cream ... and tuck you into to bed...

I also like to make fun of myself and my gimpy jaw, and the retarded cookbook that I just bought ("I can't chew cookbook" is the title I think). I spend time with friends doing fun things ... to help take my mind off of it. Most importantly, its not life threatening, its a pain in the ass but it's not cancer, we're not going to die.

Staying at home and feeling sad and depressed (and suicidal) are serious feelings to deal with by yourself. There are psychologists that deal with chronic pain ... as well as pain management clinics...that can help you find ways of coping, and how to live a fulfilling life.

I'm a Christian as well, and church and prayers are great ... but we folks do need a little more than sitting around and doing the pity party...we need to be pro-active, and try to get an upper hand on our pain, so it doesn't ruin our lives. It's hard work, its not easy to change our thoughts, it takes a lot of work, but in the end it is far more rewarding.
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replied June 22nd, 2009
I ALSO HAVE TMJ SYNDROME. And it is really hard, real hard. :[ I am only 17 years old and suffering this for almost 8 Years. I am not being treated or anything. I just let it. I mean, i don't do anything to treat this illness. But, don't surrender. Don't loose hope. Live on!

I am a band vocalist too and I know when you are singing you have to open your mouth really wide, specially in screaming. Before I can still do that thing easily, but now, every time i open my mouth it does making clicking sound or grinding. It really hurts. Sometimes I really think I will live my life in pain. But when I see my family and friends, the hopes comes back to me again. The willing to live life.

Don't loose hope. There are many people who suffer this illness too..You are not the only one. Even this is incurable and limit all the things you are doing before, try to think about that there are other people who still want to live their life but they cant. So suicide is not the best answer..:] Smile..You are not alone, I am not alone..We can do it..
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replied July 14th, 2009
I am going to be totally random and say that you seem to have a talent in writing...
You might find comfort in a blog/diary where you can share your innermostr thoughts while being anonymous.
I suffer from tinnitus which i am currently suspecting is TMJ-caused and i sometimes feel like life holds no meaning for me. I'm only 15 and i'm just REALLY worried that things will go drastically downhill someday. I no longer like being alone because it makes me think and i get really afraid so i immerse myself in things i like and my friends(well, maybe not really) and family.
Go do something you want to do and enjoy. If you love music, you don't have to sing, you can just created your own riffs and pieces and get satisfaction from that.
You deserve a break and i hope god will see you and lend a helping hand.
Good luck. There is always a solution.
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replied July 15th, 2009
Hm, that's exactly it - forcing your eyes open, these experiences, that make your realize that your life as normal human being is DONE. So you question. What do I want to accomplish in life prior to the expiration date (hopefully not suicidally induced)
have kids - and not be able to take care of them? not.
becomes a priest who knows what pain really is, maybe?
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replied July 20th, 2009
hey jmr12686 i was looking for info on my tmj and came across this post, I know the feeling!! im a 19 year old girl form canada. Ive have had tmj 2 years because of a car accident. It makes you feel alienated and confused and desperate for help. Help is out there!

I find the internet helps me alot to find info and new relaxation techniques to calm down( i experience panic and anxiety attacks regularly, as well as short intense lonely feelings). I really try to meditate(I havent gone off to a dreamy state or anything yet) but it helps and yoga too. I know these activities are hard to do because you have to to take the time to learn and practice but it is worth it. After a few weeks my jaw was less clenches and there was less popping when I open the jaw(my jaw locks and unlocks like yours did about 10 times a day).
As for the negative feelings of suicide and depression, YOU ARE NORMAL. Having chronic pain is comparable to the stages of grieving. I had suicidal thoughts but not to your extent. I knew I couldnt act on them but said and thought it anyway. The reason I wouldnt do it is because I as well have clinical depression, it goes hand in hand with tmj or any chronic pain. I am taking Effexor for it actually but also use weed medicinally. It actually relaxes the jaw muscles and I paint or play video games and just keep my mouth open. Ive got 2 best friends and that is all I need they care and try understand how I feel.When im around them i make it a point to focus on positive and get a little escape from the prison of my mind. The friends Ive lost from no longer working or not feeling like goin to bars or even school is pretty stressful for sure but the real friends have stayed by my side.

I am unable to work right now due to TMJ and chronic pain and fatigue. I had svere whiplash and am doing rehabilitation but through all my pain of the accident tmj is the worst.

My for suggestion for you hun are to :

1. Switch jobs if possible physical and outdoor work is BAD! Try something more laid back office type perhaps. I know its not too easy right now but stay positive it attracts good fortune!
2. Use youtube for yoga and meditation exercises, or and look into brain waves its healing music converted from brain frequecies.
3.Eat softer foods you dont have to chew.
4. Clearly explian your TMJ to friends and family the best you can with resources and info for them. Most people are understanding and happy to help you however they can.
5. If you can get to a doctor to diagnose you it would be uber helpful in job situations and you can get treatment or anti inflammatorys to help.

Hope this helps yea dude,
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replied July 25th, 2009
why all this suffering. I cannot endure it even though I have agreed to take upon the suffering of others...
Why why why..

I would rather be asleep, not dead, but at least asleep, that I know for sure. As it is soon for sun to come up and I am in the bed with such pains it is making me restless and I cannot find comfort but to make noise as if some animal that's been butchered; making horrific noises to express its panic, pain, discomfort, as if the soul is being ripped out a living body...
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replied July 25th, 2009
Hi Honey..I am sorry you are going through this..If you read my history you will see I understand pain and learning more with each new thing that happens to me..

I do not have a grip on the pain..I have continuous pain..In fact the pain keep me out of bed more than in it..For me 3-4 hours has become the norm unless I drug myself..

I do have TMJ--Mine began with a clicking sound then there was movement..One day my jaw actually unhinged for a second and then clicked into another spot and my jaw is froze out of alignemnt and I have ear pain and headaches from this as well as from other conditions..I ahve been told that I will have to have my jaw broke and reset.Will this stop the pain from TMJ-no guarantees..This is why I will wait as long as I can to do this..

I do eat soft foods that do not require alot of chewing..I have a warming scarf that I heat and place around my neck and face..If I could cry I would be I have sjorgesn and no tear ducts to boot..

Even still there is much to live for..Pain clouds vision but there is still beauty in the sky, in family, love and life..Youg gotta look for it and fight for it..Don't give in..I fight ever day for to get out of bed, for a
step and to get past the leg cramps..I know that if I stop I stop..I am here if you wnat to PM..kd
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replied July 25th, 2009
That's the only thought in mind mind right now - how long can I survive long this, because I now, that if it continues to progression as it has in the past few years, I will loose my appetite completeness, and have to rely on my mother, who is already suffering as it is, having lost the husband - my farther. I am the only child and am the one, the only one, who she can look up to have hope that I will go on living happily - perhaps build a family and have kids. That is impossible, having chronic pain and libido that can turn you into a monk/nun and being celibate will not bother you a single bit with all your life urges suppressed by this BODILY pain in addition to MENTAL reaction of feeling like you're baring a cross on your shoulders, but the execution will not occur.. It a long agony of malnutrition, loss of social life, and family relations.
So for all of you above you are trying to give hope to people not to commit suicide because EVERYTHING WILL BE OK, JUST SMILE, AND PRAY, I applaud you, but I doubt that you experienced 1/10th of a pain that some people have, so a better suggestion would be pain management, which is lacking and cost money. What do you suggest to the people that have no family and are by themselves and cannot work anymore and afford insurance?
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replied July 25th, 2009
I am confused earlier post spoke of a sister:
On the night of my birthday, December 6th, 2008 my sister called me and told me that our dad had been cheating on my mom. Since December the 8th, he has been moved out, and that took a huge toll on me and the rest of the family. Seeing mom upset and crying every day, made me upset and just the mere fact that my father had let me down made me very depressed. It led to me getting stressed at work, and I think it might have knocked a screw loose mentally, because I don't feel the same at all anymore and it scares the hell out of me. Its scary when you don't know who you are anymore...
Then this last post:
am the only child and am the one, the only one, who she can look up to have hope that I will go on living happily - perhaps build a family and have kids. That is impossible, having chronic pain and libido that can turn you into a monk/nun and being celibate will not bother you a single bit with all your life urges suppressed by this BODILY pain in addition to MENTAL reaction of feeling like you're baring a cross on your shoulders, but the execution will not occur.. It a long agony of malnutrition, loss of social life, and family relations.
Then you said:
(I doubt that you experienced 1/10th of a pain that some people have, so a better suggestion would be pain management, which is lacking and cost money. What do you suggest to the people that have no family and are by themselves and cannot work anymore and afford insurance)?

I removed my first answer as I would have burst your ears with the selfishness this last message rains of..
No one can imagine or dictate what anyones pain level is..Many have tried to show or tell but pain really cannot be measured as we each are different..

There are facilites that will assist when medical care and there are pharmaceuticals that help with needed meds..Help is out there it is the digging some prefere not to do..I normally spend hours on the computer around 3-4 am and off and on thoruhgout the day searching for info and help for help another in anyway is hope..YOu might be giving up which is sad as you talk of your mom having hope that you will be strong..Why not give her more hope and actually fight hearder..Anyone can give in to the pain-it takes much more to walk past it and smile..Stop talking about suicede and give our mom some much needed relief and yourself as well..kd
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