Here it goes..
I've been seeing a married man for 6 months.
I met him at a health club.
He was super honest with me, about his marriage and at the time, their 5 month old.
They have been together for 7 years total, married for 3.

We have been inseparable ever since we met.
Lunch everyday- and dinner after work.
He goes home around 11pm or later every night, and doesnt go home on the weekends.

I don't evn know where to start, because I thought I would be the last person to have this problem.

I'm 22, and I just recently ended a 6 year relationship.
I've changed my appearance dramatically (lost 50 pounds) and have really been given a lot of attention lately.

So.. I started dating.
I met him 6 months ago, like I said before, he was honest with me, but things just kind of escalated.

We went to dinner 5 times, before I even kissed him...
We got drunk, and we ended up getting a room that night as well..
For the past 6 months- We've been together everyday.
and..I've been waiting for him.

I feel bad for his wife, but I still continued the relationship.
I know all of this friends, and all of his family are aware of our relationship.

My problem is- she hasnt moved out, and he hasnt left.
I know its because of the financial responsibilities, and the baby..
but I'm just so completely lost and confused!
I know this is NOT a good situation- and I know that I am hurting his wife and their family, but I really don't know what to do?

Help :/
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replied December 2nd, 2008
Community Volunteer
Think about it this way...do you think he won't do the same thing to you IF he leaves his wife for you? Do you think he will leave his wife for you? Be the mature, responsible one...tell him that what you two are doing is wrong and you want no part in hurting his wife or their child. It is unfair to both of them and the reason she may not be keen to leave may not just be because of the baby or finances. Maybe she REALLY loves the man and hopes he will stop seeing you. Ask yourself this...if you are REALLY that important to him, really that special to him, then why does he not leave his wife? I was always taught once a cheater, always a cheater. It is not entirely true, but for the most part it is. I would never date a man who had a history of cheating, how would I trust him? Anyways, look at it this way, not only is he cheating on his wife, he is also cheating on you. By going back and forth between you and his wife, this man is being unfaithful to FOUR people: you, his wife, his baby, and himself. Move on hun. Find someone who has a bit more respect for women and who has a bit more respect for their own families.
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Users who thank motherofhighspiritedones for this post: princeka2010 

replied December 3rd, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
get out of the relationship..first of all, if he was upfront with you about his marriage THAT is where things should have ended...its just completely and utterly disrespectful to mess with another womans man period..now you've gotten yourself in this situation..for now, if he "wishes to be with you" then all that is is an empty promise..until he ends things with his current wife then you need to step out of the relationship...if he isn't willing to leave his wife for you, then you're wasting your time...as you said..this was a very bad situation you've put yourself in..but you really should end it now and find someone thats worth your time and is NOT already taken...why would you want a man who is cheating on his wife? you dont think he wont eventually do the same to you after a few years??? sure...men like this dont change...
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replied December 7th, 2008
Supporter
Yeah I agree. I would back out & leave. let him decide what he's going to do and then go from there. Hey look I'm certainly not encouraging your situation but the truth is that if they're relationship is over so to speak then who knows there may be a future for you. he's gotta face up to what he has gotten himself into, child, marriage whatevers at stake. I mean just because he's leaving the mother does not mean he has to leave his child although remember it will be lifechagnig for him to leave his child. I think he's been quite unfair to the lot of you at the moment an god I don't understand how she doesn't realise that something is up. (unless this is something he ordinarily does and she is just used to it)
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replied December 7th, 2008
Community Volunteer
It sounds to me like this man has truly awaken you as a woman....I wonder why we women get ourselves into situations like this? We know they are married yet we venture in ready to go? We mess with our minds and tell ourselves it is OK! We are just friends.......We get drunk and use this as an excuse to let him bed us down knowing well what we are doing....We are making the excuse for this crazy hunger stirring between our legs to be fulfilled....

Honey, it isn't going to go....You know this..You just came out of a relationship that you started as a child...Now you are a grown and hot sexual woman...You have found and nurtured all of the best in yourself...Lost weight with good looks and have the confidence behind it....But, let it go!!....You are too good for this....If he wants you then he will have to get a divorce and get you.....If this happened, then you would have to ask yourself the question of "how much of this is lust and how much is love"..... Believe me, lust can confuse some of us women....Frequent sex makes more frequent sex and once we have been brought sexually alive by the male, we are on that hot road of "come and get me baby"....

Just my thoughts but my love to you...
Caroline
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replied December 26th, 2008
Totally Over it.
Thanks for all of your help and suggestions!
Update-
I am totally out of the relationship. There is absolutely no communication and hasnt been since the beginning of December.
I realized and have learned so much!
He is trying to work on his marriage, which I am totally happy for.
Life goes on.
Its all a learning lesson and hey! sometimes it takes really hard situations to actually get the message.
Thanks again!!
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replied December 27th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
good for you..now find you a real man that doesn't cheat on his wife!!!
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