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Since i was a child i was told by my mother i was a ugly baby and that she never wanted me cause she was worried i'd be disabled, she was beating me since i was 4 till 14 at the age of 7 i was told i wasn't wanted hoping that i would be another boy.
When i was 15 - 16 because as i child i always had to live up to the fact i wasn't a boy my mother told me she wished i was a boy and swapped with my brother ( because according to her he isn't very bright), i worked really hard in primary school to get my parents attention, even though i love my brother very much , i couldn't help but be jealous as a child.
But now that i am a teen , everything has to have me involved. My brother has got used to not helping the family with problems like translating letters , financial terms.
My mothers always pressuring me , about my education , then work.
Never in my life have i ever sat down with her and told her how i felt about certain things, she always called me names like (the other word for) prostitute.
when im not even that type of girl .. she tried to make a scene at best friend shop saying her brothers raped me just so i would never go up her house again..
I never understood my mother , she doesn't have any friends she doesn't trust no body ..
today she told me .. that she doesn't want me no more..
all my life i have tried so hard just to please her. And yet everything i do .. just we.. i don't know if she knows im trying my best?
i've been frightened of her since i was a child..
i hate christmas cause she tried to kill me , i hate the times when we have holidays cause i know that means i have to spend time with her.
Even though i sorted out the social security ect..
till now i wish she'd love me for who i am .. and not criticize about my illness, my friends.
i seen many councillors and they all asked me if i ever sat down to talk to her , went shopping with her.. of course not! she's so wrapped up in her money world every thing is money money money , she doesn't care about how we feel know just as long as theres money she'll be fine ><!!!
she always thinks she's right .. but is she?..
i've had enough..
if im that bad of a child then why didn't she get rid of me like she wanted to...
sorry for stressing out.. i just don't know how to deal with her no more Sad ...
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replied August 14th, 2008
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Hi Sweetie! Me Fairy*Godmother
Beline saw your post and sent it directly to me and i am so glad she did. First and foremost....you are an important person, you are not ugly and you matter to me. Your Mother has a LOT of problems, she needs professional help. i wam so sorry you have had such a painful childhood. Please.....please feel free to PM me. I would be more than happy to talk to you and try to make you see this is not your fault. I am very proudof you for taking so much of this already and still getting an education. I would very much like to hear from you. Tell me more about yourself. Also, I did not understand the socail security part.....but from what I am gathering, your Mother is only interested ingetting the checks each month???? If this be the case THI IS A MAJOR WRONG. You are not a bad child....you've been given a bad Mother and I am so sorry. I hope you choose to write to me, I'd at least like to try to help you! HUGS! oh, and yes I'm a good Mom, my little girl turns 25 this year!
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replied August 15th, 2008
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Hey Kitty,

I've been there.

It's OKAY to not put up with that anymore. It's emotional, verbal, and physical abuse.

It sounds like your mother has made it her life's goal to tear down your self esteem. God knows why anyone would do that, but you don't have to put up with it. If a friend of yours treated you like that, would you stick around? Why should your mother of all people get an extra pass that lasts for years to treat you like that?

Did the councilors ever ask you, "What do you want"? What do you want?
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replied August 15th, 2008
Thanks
To Fairygodmothernd and Birch :
thank you so much for those kind words.
My mother even though i hate her..
i know i love her reallly
all these years i have stuck up for her, saying she isn't a bad mother
sje really isn't she just so stressed since she has t deal with me , m,y bro and my dad.
I have PCOS my bro has exzuma and my dads diebetic.
also we run a small business.. so shes gets stressed..
becasue were asain she follows to the old fashion rules..
she was treated badly when she moved to the uk , her friends used her ..
but i wish she would think about what she says..
she accused me in sl*tting around cause my friends were boys
or if she seen me with a boy..
which wasn't fair...
but i guess i got used to it..
i was asked before yes..
as i said before im petrified of her..
if she lifts her arm im curling up in a instant..
sorry i ment " social services"
i was too upset to think properly lol..
I have a boyfriend who is in canada.. were in a long distance relationship..
she doesn't know she only knew him as my french tutor..
my father doesn't know but i think he may have a lil idea cause he had some encounters of my wallet and the pic i had of him.
I can't live a normal life, when i was a child i never understood why other children didn get hit for doing something wrong..
i mean i got beaten even if it was a accident ..
i was jealous of my friends who got on with their mothers perfectly
i understand now..
i still love her, after all she is my mother..
they say they hurt u casue they love u...
we had a car crash in feb.. she got really injured badly..
for once i cried worrying she was gonna die..
i knew then the hate i had for her was wrong..
im confused.. to be honest
i had to be stern with her cause she had concussion and acted like a child
i knew she was impaitent
just to help her stop the blood she then said to my aunts that she would die if i was her mother ..
o well...
nothing i can do ..
im telling u this cause i dont want you to mistake my stress out .. as what she is
I got used to it , she can be nice when she wants to be
i dont know how to actually explain as well there isn reallyt much i can say that makes her not always likes this..
shes a nice woman...
thank you for replying ^^
love
Cez
xxx
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replied August 15th, 2008
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Honey, you don’t have to make excuses for your mother. She tried to kill you. Birch is right: you don’t have to put up with this. Sometimes it’s better to just let go. It’s not your fault that your mother is treating you this way.

There is something very, very special about your forgiving spirit, but I think it is time that you move on. Could you maybe find a job other than working in the family business?
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Users who thank Beline for this post: Kittycerwy  Fairy Godmother 

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replied August 15th, 2008
hello
You must be the lady who told fairy god mother about me ^^
Nice to meet you..
i can't get another job.. they rely on me
i can't even go out without feeling guilty of whats happening in my shop..
I was just reading to my boyfriend the things i wrote and the replies..
during that time, i couldn't help but cry ..
cause if this is what replys im getting.. then my mother is a monster..
i am not a perfect child and i am rebelious at times..
but my heart has always been on my family and her..
sometimes i dont even know what my mother is anymore, nice, evil, i dont know
sometimes the things she says is right , she is a moral person
but somethings like if i told her i was upset over something
i know she will use it as a advantage to argue with me .. or use it in her defence saying it was my fault..
I never want to be like her..
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replied August 15th, 2008
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Kittycerwy wrote:
To Fairygodmothernd and Birch :
thank you so much for those kind words.
My mother even though i hate her..
i know i love her reallly
all these years i have stuck up for her, saying she isn't a bad mother
sje really isn't she just so stressed since she has t deal with me , m,y bro and my dad.
I have PCOS my bro has exzuma and my dads diebetic.
also we run a small business.. so shes gets stressed..
becasue were asain she follows to the old fashion rules..
she was treated badly when she moved to the uk , her friends used her ..
but i wish she would think about what she says..
she accused me in sl*tting around cause my friends were boys
or if she seen me with a boy..
which wasn't fair...
but i guess i got used to it..
i was asked before yes..
as i said before im petrified of her..
if she lifts her arm im curling up in a instant..
sorry i ment " social services"
i was too upset to think properly lol..
I have a boyfriend who is in canada.. were in a long distance relationship..
she doesn't know she only knew him as my french tutor..
my father doesn't know but i think he may have a lil idea cause he had some encounters of my wallet and the pic i had of him.
I can't live a normal life, when i was a child i never understood why other children didn get hit for doing something wrong..
i mean i got beaten even if it was a accident ..
i was jealous of my friends who got on with their mothers perfectly
i understand now..
i still love her, after all she is my mother..
they say they hurt u casue they love u...
we had a car crash in feb.. she got really injured badly..
for once i cried worrying she was gonna die..
i knew then the hate i had for her was wrong..
im confused.. to be honest
i had to be stern with her cause she had concussion and acted like a child
i knew she was impaitent
just to help her stop the blood she then said to my aunts that she would die if i was her mother ..
o well...
nothing i can do ..
im telling u this cause i dont want you to mistake my stress out .. as what she is
I got used to it , she can be nice when she wants to be
i dont know how to actually explain as well there isn reallyt much i can say that makes her not always likes this..
shes a nice woman...
thank you for replying ^^
love
Cez
xxx


Oh dearie, your mother is just another person. She doesn't get an extra special pass to treat you like crud your entire life regardless of what she has had to deal with.

Can I ask how old are you?

My mother sounds alot like yours.

I got out of there and my life has been great.

I have not seen her for ten years. I am sorry that I don't have a mother to talk to or turn to, but I am not sorry that my particular mother is not a part of my life.

It is freeing.

Get out of there.

Life is not a dress rehearsal-you only get one performance.
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Users who thank Birch for this post: Kittycerwy  Fairy Godmother 

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replied August 15th, 2008
Hello again
Im 17 ..
i don't like leaving the family..
im very family based..
another thing is..
its frightening to not have her around..
even worse .. its frightening what she will do if i left her ..
she likes to bad mouth about me to my relatives..
she likes to edit things in her head
any thing she think is right she will assume and not listen..
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replied August 16th, 2008
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Re: hello
Kittycerwy wrote:
You must be the lady who told fairy god mother about me ^^
Nice to meet you..


Nice to meet you too. I read your original post and it just broke my heart. I asked Fairy*godmother and Birch for help as they are two of the wisest advisors on the forum.
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replied August 16th, 2008
Re: hello
Nice to meet you too. I read your original post and it just broke my heart. I asked Fairy*godmother and Birch for help as they are two of the wisest advisors on the forum.[/quote]

im actually smiling at the moment..
for once i can talk to people and not have to curl up in my bed lock my self out and cry ..
I never heard a i love you from her , nor have i said it to her..
i see my friends kissing their mother goodbye.. ( im more of a daddy's girl)
because he listens to me , but he sometimes told my mam .. so i stopped and told my aunt , my aunt had a go at my dad even though it was my mothers fault..
so i dont tell any one any more, because its always my fault in the end.

i have my friends .. but there not much they can do ... so i bottle it up .. for the past 14 years..

i got really annoyed last night..
I have been working flat out at the shop cause my dad was sick ..
i was sick aswell, but because my dad asked i still worked , i was feeling horrible
i had to work for 2 night sick , next day i went to the docs cause i couldn't handle the pain (living off an soup didn really help either i couldn't eat solids cause it hurt me)
yesterday i went to a friends party , i felt much better at the time..
when i came home , i saw money on my bros table.. he got paid for 2 night not doing much .. and me? i got nothing !
im really annoyed
im sure the heat will blow away
i have to work again tonight cause he's gone out .
I have noticed lol, that when i tell my story , i make people cry..
The first time my best friend found out was the marks she saw on my neck, arms and back , i said i fell over..
she was very upset when she saw me crying in school, there were times where i couldn concentrate how ever hard i tried cause im either fighting with my mam , or she's ranting on i didn get much sleep..
My friend said you always make people happy , you always seem so joyful..
its quite a contrast..
I stay happy cause that is what my chinese name means and it is what i am
Happy and loyal
haha i sound like a dog XD
Im sorry that my story hurt you * hugs* =D
don't worry the pain will go away for me one day
i hope for now im going to stay happy ^^
keep smiling ^^
luvcomp Very Happy
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replied August 16th, 2008
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Oh, sweetheart, your mother is abusing you and that is not allowed.

It sounds like you are tied down into this situation; your culture emphasizes family, and your parents have you believe that if you get out of it your life will be miserable or you are abandoning them.

If your father knows your mother is being so terrible to you and killing who you are as a person and letting her do it, he is just as bad.

Are you planning on going to college? Is there a teacher at school you can talk to? Do you think it would be better to stay at home and deal with that or leave? What do you want for yourself?

I just worry that someone in your situation will marry a man who does the same thing to you that their mother does and you'll never get out of it. You have to get out of there! Sad
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replied August 16th, 2008
My dad and my brother suggested at the time i sleep in my bros room so they know nothing can happen this was in 05 i think
then my dad wanted to sneak me out to my aunts..
the thing is even though i am a teen im the only one in my house who stills shares a bed with my mam ..
i hate it but i have to make do since my house isn't big enough..
I remember i cried to my aunt she asked me on the phone if i was upset..
cause it was a last minute notice that i wanted to leave..
she said she was busy and will try her best to get to me she didn know what was going on my dad said dont tell your aunt , because mam and aunt dont get along..
he sticks up for me every so often hes the one every one likes cause he listens..
he knows i hate my mother , but he tries to use morals which i have heard over and over again , which to some extent is true..
i have always been attatched to my family.. and yes i guess it has alot to do with culture
I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year.. they dont know..
my brother had a gf they broke up this year they were together for 5 months.. im worried now since he told them he had a gf they were against it then they gave up , its a completely different story for me cause in my family i am the "bred winner"

i started college at 16 lol, over here we start earlier. also i have to drop my a levels for a b tec course cause my parents didn't like it i had a use less racist teacher so yea lots of problems there, car crash .. i completely failed ><.. i had my results and im very ashamed of them i hid them so my parents dont know how bad i really did ..
im praying to god that she doesn't find them . cause my family in hk all think im a swot ><! im not ><
cause when i was in high school , i had a very high result.. my parents especially my dad was over joyed and bragged about me my mam not so much ever since then i've been stuck .. dont get me wrong having them feel proud of me is wonderful.. just that .. i dont normally get praised.. the high grade results were out on my mothers birthday .. i was so worried.. she didn even say well done.. i asked my dad do u think shes mad? should i get her a present? ( even if i did she would complain waste of money , no present = u dont love me ><)
as a child i grew up i dont know if it was wishful thinking or what not, but when i cried in high school or in general, if im frightened or sad..
"i'd say i want to go home" my friend asked me then go home then..
i would answer not that home..
when i was a child i used to think this is my real mothers twin who died from an illness..
i'd talk to myself asking and thinking this imaginary mother of mine would answer and feel my pain
why did u leave me behind?
why didn u take me with u ?
basically i wanted to be with this imaginary deceased mother,
i dont do it so often must have started to grown out of it
i wished she was her to look after me like a real mother should..
but as i grew up reality hit me..
all of those thoughts and dreams were just what i wished for that never came true ..
every time i told some one about this imagination , i'd cry and right now i am , i wished for so long and it never came true
i know it sounds stupid and a bit sad ..
but for 14 years .. ..
at 4 i tried to commit suicide, i thought if i hide under the blanket i would suffocate..
and never be alive again..
obviously as a 4 year old i didn know much
i ended up self harming and they never knew my aunt did , then my mam found out and had a go at me even more
i stopped self harming for the sake of myself my bf , friends and those in my family who really cares about me
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replied August 16th, 2008
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Hi Sweetie! Me Fairy*Godmother
I am crying inside for you, I wish you lived close to me, so that I could come and get you. You would never know the words "hurt" again. You have gone through what most people would never experience in a lifetime. I want you to know you can PM me ANYTIME you need too. I would feel honored to be your Fairy*Godmother. I know its not much, but I am here to help you anyway I can......would it help you to tell you I care about you? I think you are a strong and courageous individual. I believe in you. There has to be somewhere you can go to get away from this. I feel so helpless that I can't be there for you in person......I can't imagine not being able ot say I LOVE YOU......I tell anyone and everyone htats important to me......I love you....because it may be the last statement I eve make. I for one want that person to know you are important to me. YOu may not can say these words to your Mother, but I can say them to you and only know you from your heart.........I love you..........I hope this helps you to know there are people who care about you! HUGS!
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replied August 16th, 2008
when im sad i wish i could be away from every one except my boyfriend
it's quite sad since he lives in canada and im in uk
when i get frightened or upset i just wish he could be with like every other couple
but cause were so far away obviously its impossible.
My mother calls him 'the canadian thing'
which really ticks me off.
the wish i have now is that my family are all healthy and happy and for me to one day be with him away from here.. ( but obviously easy said than done)
I was told that for a child i experienced too much so much no else understands..
how ever much i explain they can never heal my pain , they can never understand exactly what im feeling.
again thank you all for your concern . i just wish , i could personally thank you, cause most of my life i have been th shoulder to cry on and the persons adviser/ clown so they cheer up.
I Never tried seeking help from friends..
cause i don't like relying on people , i dont tel my bf, but he knows when im upset..
i actually feel sorry for him to be with a person like me ..
i mean i haven had that great of a life, i have PCOS basically i ain perfect.
i hope my mother if she does meet him , i hope she doesn critizie him for his height looks ect..
cause i know her words hurt..lol, my boyfriend said exactly what u said about u wish u could take me somewhere else and that i wont know or feel pain again.. and feeling helpless
I want a family one day , but i dont want to her to touch them , i said that i never want her to see my kids if i can have them , i thought that was harsh , but i said it cause she always pressured me about haveing a baby.. im 17 .. i have pcos i dont even know if i will have a baby
i really wish i could one day..
be free from this cage im in ..
im so happy for once i have some one who listens to me , i dont know how to emphazie my how grateful i am.
I will stay strong.. just for you guys and everyone else who cares about me , one day i will be free i can wait ..
be free from this ...
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replied August 16th, 2008
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You go GIRL!
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