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Why I don't fit in night clubs (Page 1)

I know this is a huge text, it's just me angered about the night life I had last weekend and how I really wonder how people manage to get a gf in such places without having to bite someone's head off.

I'll start right off with saying that I went out last Saturday with 2 friends to some kind of prestigious elite dance club, and I simply can't stand to see how the employees, the barman, and probably a huge majority of the crowd is in such desperate need to show off domination on everyone.

I've seen this dance club like a headquarter of eccentric selfish people protected by arrogant doormen having no other point in life than to be impolite and down-looking on entering members ; unless you're a good looking girl, or you're the cousin of the best friend of the fiancee of the step-son of the boss of that place.

As some of you know, I sometimes go out but mostly with girls, so I can become their night bodyguard. I like that because it gives them a chance to have a idiots-free time, they become very confident with you, and for once as a guy you're actually useful.
However that night, having no girls to protect, I had become the today's most basic form of live organisms: a new customer.

About the doorman.
First off, if you're new, he's not going to welcome you in any way ; moreover you're supposed to know everything in advance. They will be mad at you for not knowing. I came there with classic grey trousers, a classic black shirt, but, white shoes. Not Air Nike or Addidas running shoes ; just plain white shoes. Weird to imagine maybe but the whole outfit looked pretty nice.
The door guy told me:

Him: I'm sorry it won't be possible.
Me: What do you mean?
Him: Your shoes aren't allowed here.
Me: I don't think anyone is going to stare shoes. No one cares inside.
Him: You have to change shoes.
Me: OK. Mind if we switch ours then?
Him: No. Go home and come back with other shoes. You have to come with the appropriate clothes.
[I'd give an F- on humor for this guy]
Me: I'm not supposed to know what your view of "appropriate" is. You could have put that somewhere, like your website. [and I actually did look it up on their website]
Him: Come back later, you can't come in. Goodbye.

He then left and returned other members "with unappropriate clothes".

It's a nice start. And I'm not even inside yet.


Finally back with incredibly appropriate clothing, the guy recognized me and said "ok", in a way that sounded "now get out of my sight".

Inside, I glared on the right: locket is 2 euros for every item. I was happy to have nothing to hand them over. Looked upfront: Free entrance before midnight. Looked at my watch: 23:58. I walked in some kind of half-hurry that looked like a hesitating jogger. Then after a long tunnel looking corridor, I joined my friends inside.

I have to admit that the most fun I had was when we talked. Later on, I also chatted with 2 girls further away. I started oddly with a phrase that went out before I understood why I said it:
Quote:
Am I in danger if I talk to you for a minute?

Seriously, I said that. [I was probably thinking of one night where 3 guys wanted to kick me because I was talking to a waitress: I was looking for the bathroom.]

At least the girls laughed, but a "Hi" will probably suffice next time.

The one I talked to was Fiona. She was fairly friendly, and she looked much like one of my exes (this wasn't good news actually). Not having any "expectations" tonight, I still continued to talk to her, while my other 2 friends were trying to monopolize the conversation with the other girl.

I needed a drink. The prices vary between 3 euros and Infinite. I took a Malibu Pineapple which cost me 6 euros. For reference, a Coke is 3 euros. And I do think it's expensive. Yes, there is more expensive at other places, but give me a break for a minute.

The time goes by and the crowd slowly migrated to the dancefloor, so I invited Fiona to dance. She agreed and we went.

Now here's my problem. I respect girls' bodies. I don't grab, I don't caress, I occasionally hold hands and make her turn around, but I don't do much more. If you're not my girlfriend I'm not going to rub myself on your behind, neither am I going to pretend I'm your One And Forever. I just... don't.

What I learned that night is simple: if you don't do something you think is bad, someone else will. It's like when you pick up a wallet someone left behind: if you don't pick it up, it will eventually happen anyway.
Confirmation is the keyword. Two guys, both 28 à 29, one came over, physically picked up Fiona and went away while the other was telling me "it's okay, they are cousins and stuff". I promptly answered "Don't think I'm stupid". "Ha okay sorry dude", he said baffling.
I felt furious and insulted. She came quickly back to me to say "it's okay I'm going to dance with him a bit, don't worry". Continuously paranoid, I asked her "did this guy say something about me?", she said no.

Okay I'm clean then. Insulted but clean. It's a good thing no one cares.
The other guy, 75% loaded with alcohol, told me he was like me at my age. His advice: I just don't have to hesitate and get loose [at that moment I actually wanted to get lost].
I understand what he meant, I just can't do it. It's like insulting myself (That's right, touch her. Do it. You're just like one of them, Sebastian.).

That's probably what makes me the least compatible with night clubs. Talking is okay, dancing is okay ; but the touchy part and the fierce competition between guys to win a girl like a trophy bugs me. Maybe do I act just like them when I do my bodyguard thing, but really I'm not looking for ass when I go out. I think those places are out of personalization to find a girlfriend.

I dropped the case, and randomly danced around until I came across another girl. She weared glasses. You can't imagine how much I love girls with glasses, I think they are adorable. She told me she had a bf, I told her I didn't care, I just wanted to tell her I think she was cute. Then I also said I'm not used to the usual flirt. She told me nicely that I shouldn't give up. That made me smile, even if she didn't know I not looking for girls in there.

When leaving, I didn't pay the doorman. I didn't like his heartwarming welcome, and I assumed that being paid so much for standing next to a door didn't require additional tips. Then my friend told me that I better avoid talking to him again.
This is ridiculous, am I threatened by the mafia or something ?
You won't be his friend if you don't give him tips. Period. If your buddy is his friend, cool, but they are friends because your buddy gave him tips. This is kind of sad. I still can't believe that hierarchy of arrogant greedy cash-chasing soulless employees. It's all about money anyway.


Oh I will go out again, probably, but now I am aware that some places simply don't suit me. The good thing there, it's that it's dark inside (both in the room and in most of people's minds), so either people don't see, either don't care. For the outside, well, I better not try to chit-chat with the doorman.

I won't have further echos of that Saturday night, and that's why I describe it here, just for the sake of it. If you wish to add something from your own exp., feel free.


Anyway, I wish you guys a good week. Rolling Eyes
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First Helper User Profile GreyWolf
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replied July 7th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
interesting story...i'm sorry you had such a terrible experience..i'm naive when it comes to going out to clubs and such...the few times I went out was during freshman year of college when my girlfriends literally dragged me out...i felt completely out of place, like you..i'm not ready to just go up and grind all over some guy I dont even know...i felt very uncomfortable and out of place..and I dont know If i'm convinced that a club is the best way to meet the "love of your life"....I for one didn't have any luck at finding a decent guy that wasn't just trying to get lucky(which never happened with me)...the few times I did go out was to find a particular frat boy that for some reason I couldn't get enough of though he treated me like dirt...so, from my little experience I had during that year of college I've decided the clubbing scene just doesn't really fit me...sure I'll go to a bar, shoot some pool, have a few drinks but I'm more into just hanging out and socializing, plus I dont really care to have some guy that I just met feeling me up...i've yet to go uptown to the clubs here...i wonder sometimes if it is anything like the ones I went to in college, but I'm not living a single life right now and really I'm not that interested in jumping back into that sort of scene..i'd rather just cuddle up with a good movie and some popcorn Smile
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replied July 8th, 2008
Experienced User
I don't take it much as a "terrible" experience, I'm not crushed or desperate or anything Smile

I thought it could be good for others to read, so we could see not all people there are having the time of their lives (some of them are actually too drunk to know if they are Razz ). Just wanted to share this story and I tried as good as I can to compensate the size by making it pleasing to read. I'm no column writer but I gave it a try at the same time Wink
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replied September 7th, 2008
Experienced User
can u believe im 22 and has never stepped inside a nightclub? wanted to, but i forgot my ID around last year.
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replied September 15th, 2008
Experienced User
Is there a particular reason you wanted to go, or is it out of curiosity ?

I'll stick with my bed for a while.
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replied September 15th, 2008
Experienced User
I wanted to know whether the legends of the clubs are real.
Well, simply curiosity but I don't want a fling out of that. ^^
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replied October 22nd, 2008
Experienced User
Ok, heres the thing that I don't understand. And I hope someone can explain it to me.

You go in there making sure guys don't hit on your friends, right? That's your little duty. Okay.

So apparently these girls are attractive, they just want to be out and have a fun time, without being approached. Got it so far.

Now, how do they dress? do they dress in casual clothes or do they dress in ****y nightclub outfit? Do they do their hair up and everything? Do they make a lot of noise with their friends and laugh a lot trying to get attention? If they want to go out and just have a fun time with their female friends, then why not go somewhere where males are not allowed? Why go to the #1 place to get hit on by other men??? Or are they just trying to feed their ego?

I'm asking, cause I really don't know.
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replied October 22nd, 2008
Experienced User
I hear what you are saying.

There aren't whory clothes involved Wink They dress nice but not in a "come and get me" way. My closest friend has a boyfriend. Two others have a bit disgust for men in general, each for their own reasons. And another friend is feeling down so I tried to protect her in particular, as she was a bit "scared" at the moment. Now she goes better. The others, I know them less, but the group in general isn't screaming all night. They usually just dance. I am also wondering if this still happens to other people to go to a dance club to actually dance.

About the attractiveness: I don't believe many of the men in there are very selective... a smile, a flat belly, a round behind ; that's all they need. So I can't really say it's "the girls' fault".
From what I've seen, yes it's more of a "Girls' Time" than "Men fishing". Sure there are places for women only, but we know other people at that place as well Wink it is more fun to go to a familiar place close from home than to flee away from ANY possible annoyance. If you really want a peaceful night, you simply shouldn't get out of home right ? (which I'm happily enjoying right now)

Hope that answers your questions.

Cheers.
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replied October 23rd, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Some girls just like dressing up for the night, come on we've been playing dress up since we were like 5 or 6 some of us..i remember being that age and tryin to walk in my moms high heels haha, its just fun to get all cute and go out with your girlfriends and have some fun..i agree that if you're dressing trashy that you must be SCREAMING for attention and looking for the wrong kind of attention but it is also nice to sort of have a guy friend there if you're single and some annoying guy starts tryin to get some..then your guy friend can play "the boyfriend" Very Happy haha anyone heard of the rejection hotline? HILARIOUSSSS
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replied October 23rd, 2008
Experienced User
Sorry, I don't find rejection funny. I don't have any facts or figures, but I'm sure a lot of male suicides have to do with it. I've known one guy who's attempted suicide, and it was because of a rejection by a female.
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replied October 24th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
omg i have never used the rejection hotline...i dont think many people do actually use it, its just funny...have you ever heard it? come on seriously its a joke. i think if you did listen to it you just MIGHT laugh..i hardly doubt it would lead to suicide Rolling Eyes ESPECIALLY if its given to the cocky guy at the bar who thinks he can land any chick..the only thing it'd damage is his ego..and in that case..yes its funny..cockiness is not cute
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replied October 28th, 2008
I think rejection hotline is hilarious...................

Hmm your buddy needs help marc, did he even know her?
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replied October 29th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
wrote:
Sorry, I don't find rejection funny. I don't have any facts or figures, but I'm sure a lot of male suicides have to do with it. I've known one guy who's attempted suicide, and it was because of a rejection by a female.


i think if he's trying to commit suicide then there are more underlying problems and the rejection just sent him over the edge..i dont think rejection itself would lead to suicide..this guy should get couseling
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replied October 29th, 2008
Experienced User
"haha, get away loser. You're not even in the scope of my league!"

Nope. I still don't feel I was being overly sensitive. The 'rejection hotline' is just an example of how cold the social elite can really be. Sure, it's ok to reject someone, but to joke about being 'superior' and tired of people finding you attractive is very smug, self absorbed, and shallow.

agree?
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replied October 29th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
somewhat...and someone thats gonna be that rude and reject someone in such a cold hearted way has something coming to them...however, the rejection hotline is still really funny Smile it really is just a joke..i personally would never use it...but if i were out at a party and some frathole comes up to me acting like a big shot then in that case..yes i think it'd be funny to give it to him just bc his ego is big enough he needs to be brought back to reality(but who is really gonna memorize that number just to give it out a few times?) ..if a guy was truly interested and generous and genuine and not acting like a jerk or trying to "get some" and the girl is a complete you know what to him then I can see your point...like i said, I would never use it anyway...
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replied November 21st, 2008
Re: Why I don't fit in night clubs
ew i hate night clubs. and i hate guys at night clubs and how forward and perverted they are. its disgusting. and it all so superficial. you cant go into a night club expecting to make a girlfriend or a boyfriend...its much easier to find sex. sad huh? but thats what clubs are for i guess. house parties are much more fun and a lot less grody...sometimes.
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replied January 10th, 2009
Experienced User
I know exactly how you feel S_Kalb.
I f*ing hate some bouncers/doormen. I had a bouncer at a club grab my wrist and shout at me because I walked out of the ENTRANCE by mistake! I wish now that I had said "well I'm sorry that you havent put a sign up" but didnt have the courage to at the time and didnt want to get yelled at any more than I already had.
He had no need to touch me like that. I hate strangers touching me so I was really angry about it. I haven't been back there since.

Also I'm anaemic and I started struggling to breathe and collapsed in a night club (a different club - the air conditioning there is rubbish and I overheated). My housemate got a glass of water and my housemate and friend both helped me walk outside so I could cool down, but the bouncer thought I was drunk (despite my housemate trying to explain that I had actually drunken nothing but water all evening) and started trying to get me to move faster (even though I was struggling to stay on my feet). My housemate tried to go in and get me a glass of water but the bouncer wouldnt let him and then came over and started demanding me not to sit at a bench because they were trying to clean the tables.
Basically my housemate got very angry and started a massive row with the bouncer for not caring, and that all ended with him telling the bouncer to "go f*** himself" and us all getting chucked out. I've not been back there since either.

The problem with many bouncers is that they have become so into their role that they don't care or attempt to show even the slightest understanding, even if you have a genuine problem and just WILL NOT help you anymore than giving you a boot up the backside to make you leave faster.

I still go to clubs because I find them fun as long as you dont have a clash with the staff. But I don't go to pull anymore. The problem with pulling in clubs is a lot of people go there to get drunk and find someone willing to give them casual sex, so it's very difficult to find anyone who wants a relationship.
They are all too drunk and just want to get some.
Problem with that is that guys don't show interest in me in any way unless they are drunk. So clubs are the only place where I can actually meet guys.

Until they find out that I want a relationship and not casual sex, and then they run a mile...
Sad
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replied January 10th, 2009
Experienced User
clubs for love????
c'mpn man... what were you thinkin???? You dont go to clubs to find a girlfriend, you go to clubs to find a girl just a friend, if you know what im saying, most the girls in the club are more about i want to meet people party and not have any ties... now for future refrences try looking in the library for a girlfriend she'll probably appreciate your respectfull attitude, and on the plus side, you wont get turned down for wearing the "wrong" shoes... lol
but fyi, thats why i dont fit in clubs either.... i usually get in a woman beating fight if i do go...
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replied January 10th, 2009
what
this is a really weird post. Is this a public school night club? all sounds pretty pathetic to me. Night clubs are for pathetic people anyways.
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replied January 11th, 2009
Experienced User
Wow GreyWolf, this is a pretty bad experience back there.

I totally agree with you about the bouncers! They have so much power and they need to remember it to everyone. Makes me wonder how they days are, what happens at home. Maybe their wives are giving them a rough time so they get back at the innocent people going to the club. Maybe they didn't want to become like that but somehow they didn't have a choice. Maybe do they have regrets in what they have become. Or, opposite, too stubborn to admit anything went wrong, and continues to do their job in the rudest way possible.
Sometimes I just see those staff people as people who lost their teddybear too soon.


What is anaemic? Is it like asthma?
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