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When there is no one in your life who is "your rock".

Have you had a similar situation with friends/family?
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Many people have their "rock." You hear the odd comment, "My father is my rock. He is my mentor and my friend." or "I can confide in my best friend." or the kindly advice, "Go to someone you trust."

I've thought about this long and hard for many years now. I have no one. I don't have anyone in my life who will talk to me, or understand, sympathize or even listen.

Well, I suppose I do have my grandpa who loves me so much, but lives in another country and its hard to contact him - but I couldn't possibly tell him my problems because he is frail and I know it pains him to hear that I am upset.

I contacted 2 online counsellors, an email counsellor and called a helpline - none of which helped in the slightest (due to regulations, they're only allowed to repeat what you say "So what you're saying is (repeat what Ive said)..correct?" and not allowed to give advice). They also refer me other sites, which refer me to OTHER sites...

So I'm turning to this forum in the hopes that I can get some advice and maybe to just be heard. I'll try to keep it short - and I want to thank you all in advance.


I'm a 17 year old girl, living in a middle/upper class environment in Sydney with both my parents. I have no siblings. I attend a prestigious girls high school. This is not the situation you'd expect to be having "much problems" and I suppose that is what suffocates me most.

* My parents have physically, verbally and mentally abused me for my whole life - yet it is "out of love" and to discipline me.
(e.g. When I moved to a new country, on my first day of highschool in the morning, I said of my new shoes "They're so big." a couple of times and my dad grabbed a metal pole from my violin stand and hit me across the face with it several times, saying that I was ungrateful and what a snobby girl I was that did not appreciate what I had. I had braces back then, and the braces cut my inner-mouth and I had half-a-mouthful of blood which I swallowed when I got on the bus. I was about 10-11 years old. This happened about once a month...over the smallest things which my dad would somehow talk up into a grand lesson of life and major personality problem of mine.)

*Now that I'm older, it's mostly verbal and mental abuse.

*My mother does not help me because she is scared of my dad too but of late, she has been saying "I'm the one who has to live with him for the rest of my life!" so she ends of supporting his actions.

*Before I turned 16, I used to forgive my dad every time or admit that it was "my fault." because I loved him so much. When he wasn't angry, he was the kindest most understanding and fairest man in the world. He was the best father you could ask for, but he could change in an instant. However, as I'm nearing 18 (adult), I'm a bit horrified to find that I am unable to forgive him for all the things he has done to me - I keep reading things about how abusive parents lead to problems in the child as they become adults and I hate him for doing it to me. I also find my views on other people are skewed because of it.
(e.g. I get very very very depressed and so so jealous when I see any sort of fatherly/motherly love outside)

*My dad USED to apologize to me afterwards sometimes, but now he seems to have taken on the mindset that he is always right. Never wrong.

*I've talked to my friends about the problem but they are my age and they:
a) Dont care
b) Can't understand/relate so they think Im lying
c) Think its funny
d) Are sick of hearing it

*I've told them about my depression, and my friends dont do anything about it. If Im crying, they'll comfort me but later I hear about how sick they are of me and my depression. It's all a big joke to them because when I'm with them (away from home) I always make an effort to have fun and be happy for once in my life. So when I talk about "depressing" things, they don't want to hear it.

I read all over the internet of friends concerned about their friends' situation and trying to seek help, and I'm so saddened that no one has ever done that for me.

*I obviously cannot talk to my parents parents. They deny the abuse me. They say they are "true parents" because "bad parents" are those that spoil their children and don't point out their mistakes. (They always make it sound logical).


*Frankly, I've realized I don't have any real ones. The ones I have right now, my 4 "close" ones are really just people who are 'associates' or people who only want to be around me when I'm cracking jokes and making them laugh.

*I don't know why, but there are a group of girls in my school who hate my guts. I have wondered day and night why, and I cannot, just cannot figure out what I've ever done to them. They invite my 4 close "friends" out to everything (despite not even seeming to talk to them while at school) and intentionally make a deal out of the letting me know that I'm not invited. (This has been going on for 5 years).

*I've cried over it sometimes (in my weaker moments) to my friends, and they always say they understand and empathize and say, "It's not right, what they're doing." However, these "friends" continually go out with these people who are hurting me - and then lie to me saying "I dont REALLY like them."

*My 'friends' never stick up for me despite the fact that I stick up for them. When someone "cooler" (stupid, isn't it?) than me has a confrontation with me, my friends always pretend they don't know me and afterwards 'steer clear' from me.

*Yet they seem to friendly to my face but I hear that they talk very very badly behind my back. They judge me on double standards.
(e.g. If I said "I don't like the color green." they will call say I'm a pessimist, a hater etc. But someone else making an exact same comment will not be judged.)

*They judge me on what I wear, what music I listen to ... yet they seem 'better than that' when we talk morals and things. They seem so shallow (and not real friends right?) yet our "group" is the probably the least dress/fashion-obsessed group in the year....

*I've confronted my friends about it in private. They always are SO nice and apologize or sympathize and say "they never meant to do it...I'll never do it again." but as soon as theyre with the whole group again, they do it again.

*I can't tell my parents, because in the past, I've either been:
a) yelled at for having some social problem and personality will ALWAYS be my fault if I'm being bullied or something. And they never give advice to tell me how I cant better socialize, they only get angry and say 'what a failure or embarrassing daughter' I am.

b) They dont even care/want to listen. So many times, Ive told my mom about me being bullied and she interrupts me and talks baby to the dog...or just walks away.

I really have no one in my life. Before you say school counsellor or teacher, our school has a messed up system where they call you parents as soon as you see them. I can't seek doctor/professional help because my parents will find out and I don't even wan t to know what they will do to me. I have one aunt who is my mom's sister, and she will tell mom, I have 2 cousins, one is a 19 year old boy will not talk about anything touchy like this and the other who I used to depend on, is my age and a female, she seems bored listening and is annoyed about it.

There is no one to help me. I feel so incredibly lonely, I don't know what to do.
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First Helper Xxlo8olxX

replied July 14th, 2012
Well.. One thing you should definitely do is never give up! It's really hard to stand back up once you've given up... and even if I don't know you and you don't know me, I still do care a lot (it's up to you to believe it or not)! Although what I'm going to say may sound harsh, please do bear with the fact that I am quite realistic sometimes...
What your father is/was doing to you is the same thing as "Bobby and Stacy": the abusive cycle. What your parents say to excuse themselves may sound logical but just because it sounds good doesn't mean that it's always right. The only two ways you can get away from that cycle is to either run away (which is the LAST option) or to fight back. Of course, fighting back might cause more problems immediately, but in the long run... It will definitely help you out.
As for your friends, they don't deserve to be your friends. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I've heard many rumors of how all girl/boy schools are far worse when it comes to bullying than mixed gender schools... But, I really do believe that those "friends" are NOT worth your time and attention. It'd be nice if you were able to find another group of friends to be with. and if you're 17 right now, I would suppose you are either a rising junior or senior (since I'm 17 and a rising senior)... so one thing you can do is wait few more years (or one) until you go off to college. Moving to another school would be really hard so I don't think that's much of an option...
I don't know what else to say, but please... Don't give up on finding someone who'll be there for you! Also, if you really need someone to talk to, or just ramble on about your sadness, you can inbox me and I'll do everything I can do be there for you. Anyone who's suffering does NOT deserve that pain.

Don't ever think that it's your fault. You're not the cause of anything that happened to you. From what you've written, the cause of all this would be no one other than your parents... but that's a completely different topic.

Please, take care and inbox me if you need help.
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replied July 16th, 2012
hey you know what is may seem odd but while i was reading your post i kind of was able to realit it to my own life especialy the family bit. i know what your dad is doing to you may be putting you through so much pain but at the end of the day your not alway going to be living with the them right? from what you saying it always was like that between u and them well look at it that way what dont kill you it only makes you stronger ( thats what i used to say to my self when it came to what i was going through because of my dad) plus now you nearly 18 you much older and stronger and thats a plus for you. as for your friends well i my self have also 4 close friends one of them is like a sister to me but even she cant realy understand what im going through sometimes, as for others well they are always there yet if they understand and care well i dont know but it feels like they dont maybe is because they dont have that so they dont know how is feels so thats why i do that yuo do stay happy and joyful infront of them. you know i can give you lots and lots of advises about what to do but is up to u what ur gonna do soo i think the best for you right nw since you still have some yrs in that school is to act like them be their friend use them like they using you bt at the same keep distence from them and if ur strong enough then let go of them because they surely dont deserve to be ur friends, show them that you dont need them and find new friends maybe not those that understand you but atleast treat you right.
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