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23 Weeks and depressed, lost interest in my pregnancy....

Hi, this is my third pregnancy, I'm married and we planned this baby. I also am already diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I already know that August through October is hard time of year for me. Sorry this is long.

My issue is that there have been some major changes in the last month in my life which caused a great deal of stress. It started in July when my car was stolen and never found. Next my husband got a new work-at home job which is very successful, however, he now spends 18 hours a day online chatting with his new co-workers and clients. He is always chatting and laughing and obviously very happy. One of his co-workers (male) has become a very close friend very quickly. They not only talk through the normal means for work, but also set up skype accounts specifically for chatting seperately. My husband has become very secretive about his conversations with this person, and is very secretive about his conversations with other co-workers. He accuses me of trying to spy when I am in the room, slamming shut his laptop suddnely so I don't "see" what he's saying... etc.... very suspicious, and yes he does have female co-workers. When he talks over the speaker it sounds like he is flirting with everyone (male and female and no he's not bi.) He uses a voice generally reserved only for me. It is wreaking havoc on me emotionally and gearing up my paranoia. I'm not a spy so I won't spy, but I am so tempted and I hate myself for it.
Sad

Before he got this job our relationship was going amazing. We were doing extremely well and happy and spending a lot of time together and having fun. Now I feel like the invisible woman with a roommate instead of a husband. We still have sex, but mostly I have to initiate now, he was always more aggresive, now he's always too tired. He doesn't need to work 18 hours a day, he chooses too so he can spend more time with his co-workers. Also, our five year old is really noticing this change and gets sad and says he misses daddy. Sad

Also although he was so excited about our new baby and even was the one who made the first suggestion of a new baby, he has now lost interest. He doesn't care to feel my belly when baby is moving, never asks how I am or how the baby is or anything. When I say I need something for the pregnancy he just kind of blows it off.

Well, so my sudden isolation and what seriously feels like the loss of my bestfriend, lover, and partner on top of my illness and being pregnant... I have spiraled into terrible depression. I'm having consistant rapid, racing, obsessive thoughts and paranoia, angry and irritable, completely restless, and I feel like I'm in a mixed state, really... depressed but manic, and the mania is driven constantly to try to get my husband back. I have terrible insomnia and crying fits. When I have tried to confront him he gets very defensive. But in the midst of this... I have also lost all enthusiasm for my unborn baby & pregnancy. I keep thinking it was a mistake because I'm losing my husband now and I feel completely alone. I feel guilty and ashamed of this. :(

I have had some suicidal thoughts but not serious ones. I've had suicidal ideation since childhood, so I am good with what to do and how to stop them. Plus I lost my mom as a kid so I have a huge motivation to not abandon my kids.
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replied September 16th, 2011
Hi,
Welcome to ehealthforum,
Depression is generally a part of pregnancy, but it can get worse needing medical attention. The symptoms and situation described by you seem to be more serious that just pregnancy induced depression. You should consider visiting your gynecologist/obstetrician at the earliest and discuss your symptoms. You might consider taking counseling sessions to cope up with your symptoms. If you have been noticing major changes in your partner, you can also go ahead with getting couple therapy done to look for the problems and get them resolved together. Men get defensive when confronted directly and are generally away from their pregnant partners in fear that they might hurt you or the baby (searching for new means to keep themselves busy). Consider giving time and see if this makes any difference. Let the children interact with him directly involving in games and other activities (it might make him get back to his family responsibilities).
Take care.



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