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Hello all....

Hoping to find some answers and support at this pivotal time in my life. I am a young woman of 26 who was with the love of my life for four years. Recently this past October, after he had asked me to be his wife and make all my dreams come true, I threw him out of our house when I found out about the other woman he was seeing behind my back...and all the lies he had been telling me to cover up his growing relationship with her. Upon ending my relationship with him, more and more lies and admissions of cheating, pornography, and drug use came to light. I was devastated and thought I would never recover. I moved out of our house and into my own apartment, taking a day at a time to heal from the betrayal, pain, and humiliation I had been through because of him. Daily, hourly, by the minute, thousands of texts and phone calls poured from his phone to mine in desperate attempts to mend our relationship with apologies and promises every woman wants to hear. I didnt believe a single one. Come the beginning of December, I found out the other reason why I had felt so sick all the time since I left him. I was pregnant. Very undeniably pregnant. I felt like I had been hit by a truck. Unlike him, I had been undoubtedly faithful, loyal, loving, caring and devoted throughout our time together. There was no DOUBT as to who I was pregnant by. The man who had hurt me to my soul. What the hell should I do? Do I make a quick phone call throw $800 cash on the table and never have to worry about ever having to deal with him ever again? Do I move away from my home, job, friends and family so that he never has a chance to find out and creep back into my life with more empty promises? Or was this a sign from God that everything happens for a reason, and despite the betrayal, lies, and hurt we were meant to be? I was so overcome the moment I found out I literally collapsed to the floor. I ending up crossing abortion off the list as anything but an option. As far as Im concerned, the little life growing inside me was a life from the moment of conception. I ended up telling the father...the man who was still to that day proclaiming undying love and devotion for me and only me. He was shocked, excited, and overwhelmed at the news. He also took the news as an immediate mend to our recent fallout. Not the case. I explained VERY C L E A R L Y that I still loved him, but in order for us to move forward he needed to fix what he broke with me- most importantly- my delicate trust. Long story short, we found another home together with talk of marriage and choosing which room would be the nursery. He was a loving, devoted, soon to be daddy and someday husband. That didnt last. It wasnt long before he was breaking promises right before my eyes, lying, covering his lies, covering his previous lies with more lies. And the night I found the above-mentioned womans name and number still in his phone when I was fully guaranteed that he had "cut all ties" with her the day I told him I was pregnant did it for me. Now, 2 months after telling him the news, I have completed yet another cycle with this man. I have moved back into my apartment with my kitty. My God, my mother, his mother, and a few close girlfriends are my main means of support. I want nothing to do with Daddy. Problem is, Daddy wants DESPERATELY to be a part of the pregnancy, doctors appointments, birth, the whole bit. Now Im battling between keeping the baby I already love and dealing with Daddy for the rest of my life and the childs, or, giving the baby up for adoption in the hopes that they will have a normal, happy, and fulfilling life with a married, Christian couple who have beseeched God and his mysterious ways for a child yet cannot be physically blessed with one. Normally, the single pregnant mother would be crying out as to why the father wants nothing to do with her or the baby. This time, it is the mother being so DEVASTATED by the father that she knows it will never work with him but "being friends for the sake of our baby" isnt enough. First baby, PLEASE HELP.
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replied February 4th, 2011
You need to dig deep inside you for this one. Its going to be a very hard decision for you. If you truly believe that this man and you cannot be a couple and you also know that you cannot raise his child and have him be in your life in that way without more of a commitment, you really need to think of that baby. Its important that if you feel it will be a hostile and unhealthy relationship between the two of you, then it will affect your child. In that case, it would be best to give her/him to a family that can support and love it without the hostility. I had a mother who hated my father and it was very hard to deal with growing up, even after she got married and is currently happy with my dad, my father is still a bad omen in her eyes and that gets very ackward. I know that it would be very hard for you, but once you can move on and find someone who will love you unconditionally without the emotional torment, you can have more children that will grow up in a healthy environment. I hope I could help... Good luck with everything. I know it would be hard for me if I was in that situation. Having a family is a dream of mine and I feel for you.
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