Medical Questions > Parenting > Preschool Kids Forum

Was this 3 year old girl likely molested?

A person I know who has custody of her daughter, the ex (and father) ran off with the daughter for 1 week, eventually the daughter was returned.

I have trouble not taking the following information (character information) into account, cause it makes me feel even more certain that something did happen.

The ex that took the child against the mothers will, is a chronic injecting methamphetamine addict. He is known to be extremely violent, and nearly killed the mother on various occasions, smashing her head through windows, putting her in hospital etc.

He is bisexual and a cross dresser, and is known to have rape based fantasies. Part of his foreplay with the mother was to talk about how he was going to rape her, I know because I read various messages he sent her (even after she had a restraining order0 about wanting to rape her.

During sex, he was into choking the mother until she nearly passed out, and into sadistic, painful sexual activities.

When the daughter returned from the father, I was one of the first people to see her, and she was attached to me. The very FIRST thing she said was "I saw daddy's penis. I saw daddy naked", but I could not get much more information than that.

That set off MASSIVE alarm bells in my head. However it was not until months later that I found out that her older sisters saw her vagina when she returned and noticed it was very swollen and very red.

The child is the time after the incident displayed various behaviours, which a psychologist believed were sexualized behavior indicative of sexual abuse.

How likely do you think it is that her father molested her? It is of concern, because the other is allowing her 12 year old sister (she has many sisters and I don't believe this one knows about the incident) to have contact with her father, and potentially stay over, even though he is still using methamphetamine. She may be staying over this weekend.

Also he is 49 but 6 years ago starting having a sexual relationship with a 16 year old girl and she immediately fell pregnant. She has born his children, and he now has various young daughters in his care. It is believed he is beating his current partner, but she is unwilling to involve police / do anything. I have been told he started injecting her with methamphetamine when she was 16 and she is now addicted, and yes she did it while pregnant.

The man is very dangerous, I have met him, and he bragged to me about various violent crimes and murders he had been involved in but "got away with"- this was several years ago. I consider him a true sociopath.

My biggest concerns are (a) protecting the 12 year old that may visit him, because she I am involved directly in her situation.

(b) Should I consider that he did molest his other daughter when she was 3?

He has never been really held accountable for any of the horrible things he has done. Also he has NEVER provided ANY sort of support whatsoever to his children, so I am very worried about the 12 year old, but I tried to warn her that her father was dangerous she got very, very angry and yelled at me "He is my dad". She wants to see him, but does not appreciate the potential serious danger.
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replied December 16th, 2013
Extremely eHealthy

I am wondering in what capacity you write?
You clearly have an interest and you write as if that interest might be professional but if that was the case you would be unlikely to be seeking the opinion of the general public?

What I am wondering is where are your local social services in this matter. Considering your description of the man and his marriage, his history of violence, it would be unlikely the police weren't involved at some point and as children were involved who might have been at risk they would have a duty to inform the local social services who generally have the power to proceed with only circumstantial evidence, suspicion or the balance of probabilities.

It does rather sound as though someone has been rather lax in their duty. This family clearly should have a social worker they can turn to for help and advice and the father and his "family" should be receiving routine visits from a social worker.

Based on the balance of probabilities a social worker could have had the little girl examined by a doctor at the end of her visit to her father and that is what should have happened. The girl's mother could similarly have asked the family doctor for a medical opinion about whether any molestation had taken place.

Again I am wondering why the police weren't involved during the abduction of the little girl? Kidnapping is a very serious offence and that is what his action amounted to. He should have been arrested as soon as he returned the girl.

The man is clearly a nasty piece of work but is he as nasty as he pretends to be or is it the smoke-and-mirrors sort of bravado that is designed to make people wary or afraid of him and to make himself feel more important.
A murderer doesn't usually brag about his dirty deeds but drug-addicted socio-paths don't play by any recognisable set of rules and self-gratification is their only goal and only motivation and everything else is expedient or expendable.

This leaves a great big question mark and brings us back to probabilities...

In a family home during normal life it would be unlikely that the younger kids wouldn't see daddy's penis from time to time as well as each other's genitals and it would be quite natural for a curious 3 year old to ask questions about it.
It wouldn't be natural or appropriate for a kid to see an erect penis...

You didn't say where the father took the little girl when he abducted her?
If he was alone with her the entire week it does suggest a different scenario from him taking her home to his "family".

Applying some imagination it isn't difficult to construct a vision of the sort of household where two drug addicts live, especially when at least one of them has no values that could be considered "normal".
In that week the little girl might not have been washed or had a change of clothes or underwear or been given appropriate food or drink. The house could be infested with fleas or lice.
3 year old kids are great copy-cats and it is more than possible she witnessed sex-acts or masturbation in such a household and it is quite likely she attempted to mimic what she saw.

While it is more than possible your fears aren't groundless, the little girl's swollen vulva and apparent sexualisation could realistically have other causes and in conclusion the blanks in your story leaves too many unanswered questions to take even a wild guess at the answer you seek.

If he was alone with her for the entire week it would be unlikely, probably, that he didn't molest her in some way but it is clear from your tale she wasn't traumatised by her experience and didn't appear to be afraid of him and you haven't reported she seems afraid of or wary of men since she was returned.
That would be the likely scenario if she had been caused pain or had found the experience unpleasant or frightening to any great degree.

Can you remember what it was like to be three years old?

While it might seem as though I am defending him, I am not. If I was in charge of things an addict or any other sort of unsuitable role model would not be allowed any where near kids.
What I am defending is the basic principle of justice where doubts must be reasonable and based on some sort of evidence.

Your concerns are understandable, laudable even, but evidence would be needed to proceed. Even the police would need strong grounds for suspicion before they even make enquiries.
The social services are really the only body who are paid to be nosey parkers and have a right to be so; they and private detectives...

First you must obtain evidence.

I am sorry I can't be of more help. I sincerely hope nothing happened to the 12 year old during her visit. I am sorry also you didn't receive a more timely response to your question.

Good luck!
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