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vyvanse by day, xanax and alcohol by night

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2 years ago, me and my co-habitating boyfriend went through some hard times. Thats putting it mildly. I found out he had been living a double life, cheating, wasn't who I thought he was and I was completely financially reliant on the relationship as I was a stay at home mom. Guess that one is only good for stable committed situations. Anyway, so I took it hard and went off the deep end. What I mean is that though I managed to still function (barely), I became obsessed with knowing his every move. I monitored our pc where I gained passwords to everything and soon was filling a notebook full of names and numbers, dates, usernames, passwords, atm withdrawals, etc.
I knew bank transaction (online account access) every text or call in and out (again online access) every gas fill up (thank you speedy rewards online) and before I knew it I was taking hair samples from our car, inside his shoes, and off his clothes. He knew I still didn't trust him as he didn't deal with things properly in the way I asked before agreeing to give it another go for our child. he didn't know to what extent though. Also, I felt stuck since I had no car, no job no money, no local family nothing.
I was causing myself a great deal of anxiety and finally went to a local couseling/therapy place where I was asked to fill out an adhd questionnaire and then told I had moderate to severe adult ADD. I was given Vyvanse 50mg, then eventually bumped to 70mg (the max) after 2 months. I was also given Ativan (lorazepam).
The first month on Vyvanse I thought it was a miracle drug. Really all it did was what cocaine did for me at 18 (by the way I am 30 now). Brought me out of my shell, made me more social and it did put me in a good mood and I was productive for a bit, lost weight, felt great. Then I got pregnant again. Stopped the vyvanse and had a pretty moody few days stopping it.
Fast forward 2 years, my 2nd is over 1 yr old now, my relationship is much better, but I got back on Vyvanse after the baby and made a comment about ativan putting me to sleep and making me drowsy so they said "Lets try another then" and then wrote me out a script for double the strength xanax as I was on ativan (which didn't matter, I barely took it at the time).
I don't even know how it happened, I went from taking like 1 xanax a week (1mg) to 1 a day. I found that after the Vyvanse, by 3-5pm I got this tight chest feeling and just couldn't relax and if I took the xanax, I would regain my appetite, and the vyvanse induced moodiness would lighten. Also, helped me sleep. At the same time, I noticed a general decline in my health. Circulation problems, peripheral nerve damage, but with no medical insurance, I get no dx. I assume its the vyvanse and try a few days without it. The days I don't take it (I intentionally miss 2-3 days a month) I feel good. I am more productive, I can get up from the computer chair, get outside, do something, anything, however, I have a normal appetite when I don't take it. So, with a gallbladder full of stones and it diseased and to the point of imminent rupture if I don't do something, I have gallbladder pain now with eating more than just one meal a day. Don't matter if its totally fat free, or how small a meal, if I eat more than once in 24 hours, I get an attack. So, I take the vyvanse anyway as it curbs my appetite until I can get this thing removed.
However, now on the vyvanse (still 70 mg) I am like a zombie. I will sit the the pc all day, yes literally all day, 12 hours or more just doing whatever, researching something, (it was usually time spent doing my detective work on my bf until recently when for my own sanity I stopped all that cold turkey after a long confession to him. I was driving myself nuts.
I hate that on vyvanse I am like "hyper-focused" and can't get anything done though productive since I get stuck on whatever I started on. Say I was just killing time online arranging an online photo album, 8 hours later, I am so deep into the project I have started organizing and re-organizing them by time frame, only to decide I will just collage some of them to save space, only to try and get them so perfect I run out of time and the entire project doesn't get finished when life calls and I have to get off the pc. (8 hours later!!) Yeah I get up to pee, get kids if here basic needs but im so focused its like I am not here, just checked out and distracted.
So, the xanax counteracts that, makes me sleep. Or, it did. I noticed a month ago, I was taking 2 a day (what the bottle says actually anyway) which makes me uncomfortable. I take one around 3-5pm, then by the time bedtime comes around, it has worn off and Im wide awake again so I need another. Also, I got a side hobby of wine education a few months back and that started the habit of having a drink every night. Sometimes two. I don't get buzzed anymore from that one or two drinks, and the xanax isn't making me sleep anymore.
I was getting anxious of the pattern I was falling into anway of a stimulant in the morning, something to put me out at night, I just felt like and still do, that its going to crash down around me any day now. The days I tried not taking any xanax, I don't notice any symptoms except that I can't fall asleep.
I have so many other health issues going on that I can't say what is what, such as chronic telogen effluvium (hair falling out by root) to the point I had to get a wig, but this isn't a new symptoms, years now but increased in severity), circulatory and nerve probs, muscle weakness and deterioration, I can't even open jars in the house anymore and something simple as filling out a 2 page application by hand makes my whole arm muscle sore for days after.
I know mixing xanax and alcohol isnt good, though I have been doing it for 4 months or more and on the vyvanse for a year now again, xanax regularly about 6 months. All of my health issues were present before the xanax and vyvanse but I did notice an increase this round of vyvanse such as circulation issues got worse few months after restarting vyvanse but I was on it 4 months before getting pregnant the previous year and hadn't had issues yet so I can't link it directly to a medication but can't rule it out either unless I stop all of them. I don't know where to begin without running my family crazy with mood swings and insomnia. I did manage to go last night without a single drink, mainly because I felt so crumby with my gallbladder all night I didn't eat or drink a thing after 8am yesterday until some water at 5 am today trying not to make the attack worse. It is tender to the touch though the attack is finally over. However, I did take 2 xanax (5 hours apart) but still didn't fall asleep last night at all, I was up all night (never had this happen before, maybe just the pain of gallbladder). I don't feel like the alcohol is a prob, I could just set it aside but if I had to set the xanax aside cold turkey too, not sure how that would work. Id rather ditch the xanax and vyvanse and just go back to having a nice wine paired with my meal once or twice a week instead of drinking it just to drink it or cope with whatever pain I am in. Again, just don't know where to start. \
Addiction runs in my family and yet I am the stable one so they think. No one else knows. My mom knows I have these scripts but not the extent of how much I take. Any advise or comments on anything at all appreciated.
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replied August 7th, 2012
Oh, and meant to add that my Dr. makes this too easy, I go in, she asks if everything is still good, any new stress, meds still working fine, and then when I say yes she just re-writes 3 months worth of vyvanse and 3 months worth (60 1 mg pills a month) of xanax and says "See ya in 3 months"/ Now, I am not blaming her, if I have concerns, its my job to address them, ask questions, or tell her I want to cut back, but its too easy just to tell myself Ill just take half my vyvanse and see how that works so Ill still have access to my full amount if I want, or same with the xanax.
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replied July 12th, 2014
I know you are around kids, and it is a risk. But I'm 20 years old. I do the exact same thing. Vyvance helps my work ethic and helps with errands, bills, and breaks the awkward wall when I'm around people. I become a nicer more respectful person. Around 3 to five I take my first xanax, after it kicks in for a while, a glass of wine, then after and hour I take my second xanax, maybe half of another glass of wine around 7 to 8. Xanax passes me out for the night but not every night. My suggestion, and as I said a risk for your kids, I smoke pot. Pot in my point of view is the answer to all problems. Except productive activity's, and people with ADD, and confrontation. ( who needs to worry about that at 9 to 10pm anyway)

Now I have no kids. But I do have ADD and anxiety. I smoke a couple bowls before I sleep. I sleep like a baby with a loud alarm for just in case reasons.

Also I understand Vyvance helps the ADD which is awesome but I would ask for a way lower dose like 40mg. But xanax and majiuana are downers. There's no need for xanax (a slightly very addictive drug) when there's majiuna a natural plant that copes with anxiety, and helps you relax as well. Makes you calm, makes me happy.
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