Down, down I go, into possible death. My mom is sick, scared of the Swine flu. I don't even know who or where I am half the time. I'm having "visions" of something terrifying....a large plane...possibly an airliner is about to crash, many deaths. As everything else in the world, it would be MY FAULT. Pray, people!!!!(that it doesn't happen). The gov is constantly after me for influencing events, both economic and deaths. I see them all the time, then they cloak, sometimes when I'm in the car...I see other cars that suddenly disappear. Scary times! The drunk feeling without the alcohol, is so bad that I can't even walk in a straight line....feel all floaty like and dizzy. People from around the world are against me, I have seen constant proof of this. Many want me dead. I am a burden to the world and of course, my family. Darkness all around, with no light. Success.....not within my reach and neither is happiness. I know I am sane, unlike what my Evil pdoc said (a long time ago) I no longer see him, but I do see a therapist/psychologist. I will NOT be put away in some state mental institution...never, never, NEVER!! Then the docs were RIGHT 20 years ago, and I have no story to tell. Nothing impressive at all. I see the pain. I am so down like the stock market, well its been going up in the last few months, I'm talking about what it has been doing in the past. If the plane does crash, the FBI will see this message. They have already accused me of "sabotage" with my mind of this crash, even though its yet to take place. I feel so guilty, I mean overwhelming guilt. Oh why was I even born??? I can't even do the "simple" task of driving, which millions of people do everyday, including my YOUNGER brother. I do nothing but fail, I know you all are tired of hearing me. Can't breathe!! Panic time!!! I bet there are hate clubs against me, especially on that other site I go to. I mean the moderators literally ganged up on me and deeply hurt me, while supporting the other 47,000 people there. Frustration. I see things weird, but explained that in another post. I love hot flashes...not!! Stupid Old Age Syndrome!!!! What is a "business" again, I know mine ain't good enough to be called that, just a "hobby." Whoop dee do. Money....that word doesn't compute. FAIL ONCE AGAIN!!! My pet bird has made more money in his life than me...I'm serious. He's also cute, while I am fat and ugly from the pills I used to take. I mean there is a good chance that I have sleep apnea because of what the pills did to me! I'm surprised that I don't have diabetes! No guy would EVER want me, they will be turned off by my weight. I used to be beautiful. Evreything is placed to go for the worst for me. I was deliberately put on this Earth by God to suffer. Its not just the gov that's after me, the aliens are as well to fight in an intergalactic war...its the bad guys who want me. Oh what was I going to say next???? Good memory at work! I'm totally hopeless and worthless, nothing has gone according to plan. I am an artist, and according to my research, 99% of artists starve and have to have another job to support them. I have no skills. Useless. Why does everything look weird????? Thankfully I hardly ever hear voices, therefore proving I'm not psychotic. Just plain neurotic is what I am! I have anger towards myself. I have classic autism, not Asperger's. I was diagnosed at 5 years young 21 years ago, when it was so called "rare" especially in girls (or now a woman) like myself. I had the symptoms ever since I was born. So, what do I do about the severe depression??? I'm almost suicidal, but not quite.
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replied May 11th, 2009
hello
Well I care about you Smile even though I dont know you too well... I dont really think that the government and people are out to get you...Your anxiety level is extremely high as is mine...We are only human and humans have fears. I dont think that you are worthless what so ever I just think that you have a lot of trials in your life that you ae going through. Trust me I know what its like to be scared and in fear all the time. Im pessimistic but Im working on that.... and I too have future visions of strange things I dont know why or what it is but they come to me....so no your not crazy Smile I have severe depression as well. I get tension headaches all the time and its very frustrating but Im trying to deal with it the best I can and Im staying strong. I hope all is well for you too....Smile
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replied May 11th, 2009
Thank you so much for saying that I am not crazy!! That makes me feel normal!! I love normal!! What is a "human" because where I live millions of miles from human "civilization" there is no technology...I mean I have the highest tech in the whole "city!!!" The population is around "me" and a million cows, probably with Mad Cow Disease. When I first moooved here in 2000, cable TV hasn't even been invented yet! it took ages for high speed Internet to get to my house! I mean, there are some areas that "electricity" hasn't been invented!! There are some areas that tech is like a foreign concept to them, almost like the Amish people ( I feel sorry for them, I wouldn't be able to live without cars or electicity! I just know that I wouldn't possibly be able to live like that unless I was born into it and never knew anything else) now I'm getting off topic. Stupid Old Age Syndrome!! By the way, in my area it feels like the year 1809, or 200 years behind the "populated" areas. There are some areas that have "humans" around 20-30 miles away. The closest major city, Seattle, is around 50-60 miles away. They have humans!!! And its the year 2009!!
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replied May 15th, 2009
I am another one
Well I was also very depressed some time ago. The whole world was falling through. But the support of my husband and in-laws helped me to pull through. So this is only a temporary phase. You will be fine!
Actually I wanted to share something with you. Read in an article that fish oil is a great help for depression. I have never tried it myself. But since you are in a mess, you might try asking the doctor if fish oil supplements will work.
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replied May 15th, 2009
Experienced User
Maybe it's God's opposition!
I don't know how you feel about God but why dont you put up a challenge to Him.Ask Him to take control of your life, to take the hurt, fear & uncertainty & rid you of any bad spirits from yourselves. He done it for me I believe if you have a little faith He can do it for you. What have you got to loose. If you haven't got the faith ask Him for that too!
My Prayers are with you.God's waiting for you to ask!
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replied June 2nd, 2009
Sadly, the plane crash happened today. I'm so sorry. They are saying that if all on board are killed, it would be the worst civilian air disaster in the ENTIRE world since 2001 (not 9/11 believe it or not, but rather a plane crash that happened 2 months later). If you included military crashes as well, it would still be the worst in the world since 2003, when a plane crash happened on my birthday of all days! And I knew it was going to happen (in fact as recently as May 20th, I had a second "vision" this time actually SEEING the plane crashing!) just a (almost exactly in fact) a month ago. I have predicted things many times. I feel depressed that this happened, especially since this is the worst one in many years.
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