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Unborn twins and last name debate.

So me and my ex broke up when I was 20 weeks pregnant. I had agreed to give them his last name cause I thought we were going to be together. Well, I went back on my word. But during the break up I was in the hospital for depression and I mentioned options of him having full custody or adoption because I was still in love with him and didn't see how I was going to raise them. I also mentioned I wanted to them to have my last name since he wasn't willing to work it out with me. I have gotten myself better and he swears up and down he told me he wanted them full time and I said no, that was a lie and I didn't mean what I said. I told him that that was true, but not about the last name thing. I couldn't give up my children. I want them in my house. I remember differently and I remember him agreeing to joint custody. I also already have a daughter with my last name.

What a mess!

Anyway, he and his mom are super upset about it. I can't stop thinking about it. I want to please him and the family, but he hasn't been there for me during this whole pregnancy. He came to one appointment since the break up and two sonograms in the last month. He just recently started to come around to help out a bit and I feel he wants praise for the little effort he put forth.

Was also thinking we could hifen the last name?? I don't know what to do!

Any help or insight?
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replied October 2nd, 2009
Community Volunteer
I think the best thing to do since you can't make up your mind is to hyphenate the last name with yours and then his. Hyphenated last names are up-and-coming and very cool. This way they will have both parents names. Example with the full name would be something like William James Madison-Clark.

I hope you can decide on what to do soon. It's not easy raising children, and settling things down with your ex is very important so you can concentrate on the important issues with your children.
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replied October 15th, 2009
Thank you for the reply, however I just had the twins sept 23rd and decided to give them his last name. He is going to be involved so we both thought it was a good idea... I had to eventually com around, but I feel it's all good. thanks again.
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replied July 15th, 2010
i didnt read all of your story but my kids dad wasnt around at all and expected me to please his family by giving her his last name. one word of advice DO NOT DO IT. if he wasnt around then i promise when their born or within the next 3 yrs he will be a deadbeat and if not they still dont get his last name cause ur not married and trust me you dont want to do it. not even including the legal purposes if you give them his last name. he could take them from you or leave over night with them and you cant report it cause they have his last name. you would have to take him to court to get them back. that alone would be enough for me not to.
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