Medical Questions > Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum

Two timing boyfriend, need help!!!!!!

I have just found out that my boyfriend of 2 years has been seeing someone else on and off the entire time he has been with me. I meet my bf early last year and we just hit it off, fell in love with one another, it was amazing. But early this year his cousin come forward and revealed to me that he knew that my bf had been seeing another woman. When I confronted my bf he confessed and said that she had mean't nothing to him, that she wanted more from him than what he wanted and that he regretted hurting me more than anything. I believed him! he made his relationship with this other woman out to be nothing more than a fling. so I forgave him and we got back together. After that everything seemed fine, we would talk for hours and really seemed to have connected again and he would always say how sorry he was for everything he did and how much he loved me and even asked me numerous times to move in with him and wanted me to meet his kids. He really made me believe that he wanted a future with me and that I was the only woman for him.

He has been in trouble with the police and is currently in prison and this entire time I have loved him and really been there for him when he has needed someone to talk to and have helped him to get through this. and just when I thought that my relationship with him couldn't get any better, I get a phone call for the woman that he told me he has had nothing to do with since he cheated on me with her saying that she has been living with him, that she is pregnant with his baby and that he has asked her to marry him! I was in such shock I was literally speechless! When I explained to this woman that I had no idea about her and that he has been with me too, she was just as devastated as i was! I do really love him more than anything! I have devoted my life to him and given him everything! and even though he has done this, I still want to be with him, its crazy I know because all he is ever going to do is hurt me but I can't help it! I have been through so much throughout are relationship, I got pregnant with his baby after being with him for 3 months and had an abortion which is something I regret more than anything and he knew how much pain it cause me and how devastated I was when I found out about the other woman and I just can't comprehend why he would want to hurt me more and better yet why he would want to hurt this other woman too! I suffer from depression and anxiety and am under extreme amounts of stress and just don't know what to do with myself, I feel like I have lost everything and feel soo completely empty nothing makes me happy. my boyfriend was the only one who really understood me because he as a lot of mental issues too maybe that is why he does all these hurtful things. I just need some advice from anyone who has been through the same thing, just advice for anyone really because I am not coping, I cant sleep or eat or think about anything else and need to find some way to move one.

Thanks,


Rach
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First Helper User Profile FadedRose
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replied November 30th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Get mental help, not a counselor or a pastor. Talk to a psychologist about this. There are just way too many red flags going on with this guy for you to still be attracted to him at-all. The healthy responce to finding out the man you've supported and been there for has been two timing you with a woman that he's going to marry and have a child with is to hire an assasin, not to make excuses for his behavior or lose sleep about how much you need him. This isn't gilr angst or boy craziness. There is a major dependancy issue at work here that you need to adress if you want to have healthy relationships.
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replied November 30th, 2009
Experienced User
Try to talk to psychologists and live a life of your own. Travel in some beautiful places. Or better move in to a new place meet new people do something that will divert your feelings and attention. Make yourself busy. Whenever I am broken hearted I tend to travel a lot. Help through some charities and love helping others. And I do things that i love the most; ARTS! I sing it out, dance it out and write songs and poems about my feelings. It really helped me. And there's always one thing I am remebering whenever this happens to me:

"NO ONE CAN HURT ME WITHOUT MY CONSENT!"

I think you should celebrate instead of being anxious and depressed. Don't think of your past they will eat you! Thank the circumstance that these things happened, that you found out early that he is not worthy of your time and you are not ending up spending the rest of your life with the wrong guy.

Just giving you options. It is not necessary for you to do it.

Smile
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replied December 27th, 2009
Community Volunteer
Hi rach572,
You are in an unhealthy emotionial state and relationship. You have been lied to, used, and psycholocially abused by this person who truly is emotioanally unattached. If and when he gets out of prison, he will be better at being deceptive than he was when whe went in. This man is ill and he is making you ill. Cut your loses leave him and get yourself emotionally healthy. You say you have lost everything...no you haven't you have lost the best thing that was in your life...a cheater, lier, mannipulator, now a convict. That's what you need to lose in order to start the healing process. In the future chose men who deserve you ...this one doesn't.

Good Luck,

Faded Rose
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replied March 15th, 2014
healing after boyfriend cheating
Hi There i have been through a very similar situation tho luckely for not as long. I feel awful for you hunny. Finding out that someone you love so much and think is all yours is a cheater and a lier absolutely shatters you! My Ex was 2 timing me with a 35 year old woman with 2 childen (he is 25 im 27) I thought i could trust this guy so much and he lied to me saying i was his sole mate and had never met anyone like me before, all while he was cheating on me may i add! The thing is and this is going to sound big headed and i really dont want it to be. I am a good looking girl and alot of the time weirdly this feels like a curse as this is the second time a guy has cheated saying they felt inferior and insecure and that i was going to leave them even tho i shower them with love and affection, give them all my time and no reason to worry. thius guy said he started seeing this other woman because at the beginning of your relationship i had a girls holiday ( i kept in contact with him everyday) and then i went away for 2 weeks for my sisters wedding in australia. I now know when he was telling me he missed he so much and wished it was us getting married he was going round this womans house shagging her! Hurts so bad i tell you!! BUT believe it or not after i discovered the dreaded truth by an email form her popping up on his phone ( he denied all for months ofcorse!) saying she was a client (he is an electrician) client my ar**!He did the whole im so sorry i was insecure it was a mistake i love you it will never happen again, fits of tears he puked and everything! Baught me countless gifts took me away to try and sort things,decorated my flat for me, asked me to marry him! and got a tatoo of my name!! (scarey!) i still could not move past it. I used to make him send me a pic of where he was every hour and as soon as he didnt pick up his phone the 1st time i would go into panic mode, thats the worst feeling in the world! you literally cannot function and loose total controle! This went on for 2 months him trying to prove himself but the trust had gone and the security had gone. he no longer felt like my man who i looked up to and respected. I loved him yes and still fancied him but hated him for what he did. I had to get out of it as i was just not me anymore. i was ill and tortured with the thoughts and images of him with her. I finally called it a day 2 weeks ago and yes i am hurt, i miss the good parts of us but i feel free. so much less stressed, my appetite is getting better after dropping to under 8 stone because of this and the relief of not having to check up on him ever half an hour is starting to feel really good. I have a great councillor, am seeing so much more of my friends, have started a new college course in the evenings cooking. Joined the gym ( lots of nice men there Wink and spending alot more time with my family. 1 tip i can give you which has helped me so so much is to go on youtube and type in HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF any woman that takes back a man who has crushed her like this cannot love herself enough as you have to put you first and believe with all your heart YOU DESERVE BETTER!! because you really do. For 10 minutes of every day i look in the mirror and tell myself i am an amazing caring person and i deserve true love and respect and no matter what i am not alone because i have me Wink i will be there for myself every step of the way doing all i can to make me happy. I promise with time anyone can get over a cheating man. Its not the fact that they will or wont do it again its the fact that you always have that doubt and that is a curse i do not wish on any woman. I wish you all the best of luck and if anyone wants to talk or is feeling lonely feel free to email me xxxxxx
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