Medical Questions > Relationships > Single and Struggling Forum

Turning bitter at 21, this is really depressing me :(

I'm a 21 year old girl and, like this thread implies, I'm single. I always have been. Its not that which worries so much as I don't interact with guys at all. Never even had a guy friend. I start to think, if guys don't like me and I can't make friends with them, won't I always be alone? This feeling that I will never be loved or love anyone is getting to me. I'm starting to get bitter and sometimes really hate guys in general, even though I know its not fair. I have nothing going for me: I'm unattractive and socially awkward, not funny at all Sad I know looks aren't everything but what do you do when your personality sucks as well?

Is it weird that ever since I entered University 3 years ago, I haven't had a single crush? Its because I don't know any guys Sad Atleast in high school, it was small enough that I could get to know a guy's personality, even if they didn't interact with me, so I could get crushes.

I don't know, I'm ranting but this is really depressing me Sad
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replied October 29th, 2012
Extremely eHealthy
Hello Lola,

I wonder what is wrong with you?
You say you are unattractive - why?
Are you too fat, too thin, boobs all wrong, bandy legs or excessive facial hair???

I would wager that none of those things apply - or if they do they needn't be the disadvantages you believe them to be.
You say your personality sucks - I believe that is American for not very good or possibly even bad?

You say you don't interact with guys - kids in school can be guilty of discrimination for slight and stupid reasons and for whatever reason (probably not the ones you believe) the boys deprived you of social contact with them - you claim!
If there was a thousand reasons why the boys shunned you I wager at least five hundred of them would be you!

There is something about your attitude or demeanor that is stand-offish or that says keep away!
This might be related to your upbringing or family life or even something you misunderstood when you was very young...

Boys in university aren't so discriminating - the fact they are older than schoolboys, and therefore more experienced means this is less likely to apply. University attracts a wide selection of types - I expect there are lots who were social misfits at school who would welcome attention from even a girl with bandy legs and a beard...

YET the same thing is happening to you and you aren't being pestered by some over-intelligent ugly nerds to sleep with them...
Your situation defies logic unless the cause is within you. This means you can't really blame the boys and young men around you!

If the cause of your problems is within you then the solution is also within you!
Your post indicates you have a brain between your ears that is not just for holding them apart and that you have the wit and vocabulary to be charming - if you have the desire to change?
It will take lots of practice and will mean some disappointments and false starts and perhaps feeling foolish and stupid sometimes, but where better to practice than away from home and now is no better time than any to learn those things others began learning at kindergarten...

I guess you don't smile much?
I guess you don't find much that is funny or amusing?

The best way to learn is to begin with "monkey see, monkey do" so begin looking at how others interact and take note of body language and most of all facial expression and smiles.
It is the smile that is a most potent weapon and is practiced and used by the manipulators of people worldwide - if you cannot manage a genuine smile then one that appears genuine will have almost the same effect. I assume your university is equipped with mirrors?

What is in your favour is none of us are original characters and we are all composites of those we are in contact with and those who have influenced us.
Spending another minute conversing with the janitor, the repair man, shop assistant, cop or course tutor can have far-reaching effects on one's character and help build confidence, storing away those witty replies and timely comments for reuse as you widen your circle.

I feel you are intelligent enough to proceed without further explanation but please come back again or send me a personal if you need more...

Good luck!
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replied November 3rd, 2012
Hi,

Thanks for replying Smile
I am unattractive..I actually have a lot of facial hair (which I try to take care of but its hard, especially when you're busy), I have knocked knees, big, crooked nose and more..(I could list a few more things, although I'm not fat)

I know its my personality as well (sucks=bad)..you are right, I don't smile but what would I smile at? I really hate my life. I know its not boys fault, I'm being bitter for no reason. I already know its all me but thanks for reinforcing the point.

Thanks, but somehow your post makes me feel worse. Probably because its completely true and I know I'll never change.
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replied January 24th, 2013
Hey girl, I'm in mostly the same boat (crooked nose too Razz), but my appearance really doesn't bother me, I don't think I look bad at all.

For me, it's that EVERY single time I get in a relationship, I get cheated on. I am so done with all of it. I deliberately keep people away from getting closer to me unless they try very, very hard.

Maybe you can take comfort in the fact that you at least have a better chance than someone out there! Mental walls must be horrible for other people, but I find I just don't care at all.

Good luck though, I think God eventually gives us the people we're meant to meet.
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