Medical Questions > Relationships > Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum

Troubled marriage

I have been married now for two years. We have a three and a half year old son and are due to have number two next year.
We had problems before we got married, but have really escaleted over the last couple of months to the point of insanity and nonsensical.
I feel I have always been a rational and calm individual but feel I have really lost my cool.
My husband is an alcoholic, he is one of those people that acknowleges he has a problem and acknoledges he should do something about it but doesnt.
We recently moved into a situation where we live and work together in a small community, I dont feel this is the source of our problems but may aggrevate our situation.
Whenever I try to talk or bring up the things that are hurting me or troubling me, it all goes bad, we end up arguing, it turns into name calling, abuse, blame and most recently I have started lashing out by throwing things and hitting him. This is not normal behaviour for me, it makes me feel crazy!!
I throw options at him, solutions on what we can do, but he says he wont do any of it, that all I want is to get rid of him, but he says he will never leave our situation because of our son, I try to tell him it is not a healthy situation for our son, and this arguing is no good for our unborn child. He just responds by saying I come from a divorced family and look at it as an easy solution.
I want my son to be a balance and well adjusted individual, I want to be a happy and healthy person, I feel this situation is poisening me, I dont know what to do???
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replied October 3rd, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Just because your husband comes from a family that fears divorce doesn't endorse him to use marriage as an excuse not to have to work at the relationship.

Don't raise your son in an environment where marital abuse is the norm. Communicate to your husband in a different manner. If he becomes argumentative write it down for him so that there is no debate. Explain to him in clear language what is not working in the relationship. Explain what needs to be done to reclaim the marriage you will be satisfied with and set realistic timelines for these goals. Explain clearly that if you're not able to reach these goals you will have to leave to give yourself and your children an acceptable living situation. Be supportive, work with him to make things better, but do not waffle under any circumstances.
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replied October 4th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
I agree with wolf, a child who grows up with arguments around them become dysfunctional and thats not what you want for your child, tell your husband what needs to be done to save your marriage and explain if he does not get help with his problem that you will move away and this should make him realise what his actions are doing to your family unit, most importantly try not to lose your cool not just for the sake of your argument but for your well-being and the sake of your unborn child good luck jenny
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replied April 9th, 2012
My husband's brother's wife
Good Afternoon every one. I just need somebody's advice please. I don't know what to do...
I am going to marry arabic man. We know each other for 3 years. We know each other family so well. I love all of his sisters and they became my sister really. But there is one lady who i didnt like since i know her. It is his brother's wife. She didnt like me too. And everybody know she is not that good, but according to arabic traditions they would never show or tell or hint anyone that they dont love her. THE RULE: U MUST LOVE EACH MEMBER OF FAMILY. She does some nasty things to him sometimes, lately to his sisters (shouted at them and made one of them cry), and to me.
But of course she wears the masc "she loves me a lot". And so do I.
Even my fiance cople of days ago was saying like "yeah she is so stupid, she is crazy woman she envy to everyone and everything"
To my biggest surprise today he was PROTECTING HER, saying she is my "sister" and bla bla bla. I said "she is not. She is just a wife of ur brother and i am ur future WIFE i know and i see that u dont really love her", he was like "She is my sister and i will always protect her and care about her"
This point made me cry so much.....
If he will protect her than who will protec me?...Sad
I think every husband must make his wife feel special. She has her husband to protect her and care about her. But what about me? who would protect ME? I have only fiance.....
I'm writing and crying. Please somebody help me with this...
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