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Troubled and Abusive Relationships Question

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I am 18 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for 4 years. We have an amazing relationship along with our fair share of problems. Recently, my boyfriend and I have become violent. It started with me slapping him in the face, then it turned into my punching him and him pushing back at me. Afterwards once we were settled down we realized how crazy things just got and were thankful nothing serious came of it. Last night after a particularly bad fight i woke up in the hospital with a mild concussion. Both of our parents do not want us to see eachother anymore, but my boyfriend and I are determined to take a few weeks apart work on our problems, seef professional anger help and then get back together and never let it happen again. My only concern is our parents, how do we get them to trust us again? After last night both of us have realized our issues and are more than willing to work on them seperatly, i am just not sure if things will go back to the same thing. Can we fix this?

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replied March 5th, 2011
Troubled and Abusive Relationships Answer A20376

If I have understood your question correctly, you wish to know how you can get your parents to trust you again, and if you can fix this current problem between you and your boyfriend.

It seems to me that there are issues the two of you might need to work on together as well as separately, preferably with professional help. And it seems necessary that you have faith in the relationship and its future. Also, like in most instances, the answer to whether this can be fixed will depend on the willingness of the both of you to persist in your efforts to work on this. You will be needed to mutually agree on a definite relationship goal. If you can find professional help, your therapist can help you in this process. Things may or may not go back to the same level, but you might find that you have learnt new coping skills in the process.

It seems your parents are wary of more of such fights happening and probably do not want that to happen. And they are probably thinking separating the two of you is the best way of avoiding any more fights and injuries. It is definitely a challenge to convince them. What you can do is, instead of expecting the same trust back from them at this stage, let them know that you accept there are problems that need attention, and the two of you are willing to work with the help of a professional. It might help to offer them some role in the process. You might offer to have a family discussion each week on your progress. Whichever way it help, it might help to let them know that they are trusted. It is only natural to expect trust back when you can let them know you trust them. I am sure the therapy process will help you figure out more ways of interacting with your parents about this issue.

Hope this helps.

All the best and take care.

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