Medical Questions > Relationships > Relationships and Marriage Forum

Trouble getting girlfriend to orgasm

Me and my girlfriend have been together for a while now. shes had sex before with her old boyfriend, but only a few times. im her second person to ever have sex with. when we first started having sex, it was incredible. we would both have orgasms every time! weve been having sex for a wile now and i NEVER had a problem getting her to cum. we would both come to orgasm at about the same time, n i will never stop untill shes finished because i dont want to be selfish. last saturday night we were together and she culdn't cum, no matter how hard we tried. then sunday we had the same problem. i came, but she couldn't. then we tried again about 25 minutes later, she came to orgasm that time. now its tuesday and we were together and once again, i came, but no matter how hard i tried, i couldn't get her to orgasm. i love her so much and feel so bad for her. she keeps tellin me shes broken and she looks so sad. i just really wish that i could do something to help her out because we are madly in love, and even though i know that this would never hurt our relationship, it just hasnt been like it used to be. were both dealing with huge amounts of stress, could that be the problem? is it me? is she not attracted to me on an emotional level anymore? this is killing me. PLEASE HELP US TO GET OUR LOVE LIFE BACK IN ORDER!!!
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replied March 3rd, 2009
girlfreind don"t cum
one thing you might want to try is more extended foreplay on her that usually works
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replied March 3rd, 2009
If she was intoxicated, that could also cause the lack of orgasm.
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replied March 4th, 2009
she wasnt intoxicated, and like i said, i dnt stop until shes "finished" lack of foreplay doesnt seem to sound right. appreciate the reply though.
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replied April 1st, 2009
Buy a vibrater and play together with it. There is a sensitive spot outside the vagina towards the top, or the beginning of the "lips" so to speak, that if you use a vibrator to rub that area she will orgasm in a matter of seconds or minutes. It is almost like the easy quick access similar to a males penis getting stimulated just by touching it. Try it. New realms of pleasure. =D
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replied July 30th, 2009
After the first 'no-show', she may have begun to get nervous about not pleasing you, or being broken, or not being able to achieve orgasm. This itself can stop someone coming. She may get herself so worked up about not being able to, that she cant. It seems wacky, and kinda messed up, but its the honest truth. Make sure she's relaxed when you have sex, talk to her, put her mind at rest, she's not broken, it was just a glitch. Nothing more, nothing less.
Hopefully I kind of helped. Hope all goes well. Smile
Lauren.
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replied July 30th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
Lauren is right. The first time may have been caused by stress, then she became upset about it, and this causes more stress and worry, and it happens again. Nothing wrong with her at all. It will pass. Just let her know it's ok, she's not broken, and give it a few days to a week off. By the time you have sex again, she'll probably be climbing the walls.
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replied July 31st, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
A lot of things can make a woman anorgasmic for a short time, really anything that impedes circulation or erodes her confidence is an enemy of orgasm. Really stop straining about this. You stressing that you can't make her cum makes her stress about something being wrong. Stress will prevent orgasm all of the time. If you guys concentrate on the fun of lovemaking and not the fireworks at the end she will orgasm very naturally. Next time you're together go a little slower, be more affectionate, tease her body a little more. Enjoy being a heartbeat away from the woman you love and if you orgasm and she doesn't absolutely don't be disappointed, just work through it.
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replied July 31st, 2009
Community Volunteer
An orgasm for a woman in many ways is a self thing...This alone is the reason why she can masturbate and usually pleasure herself...Saying this, she must be sexually turned on by her partner to start...It's a place that she goes in her mind and many times just the slightest distraction from him can make her lose her inner chain of thought..It is definitely a mind game...This, IMO, is the problem with so many women...They are so near letting go and the partner does not follow through...Maybe a slower stimulation of her clit with his tongue or sticking a finger inside of her vagina at the same time would help do the trick...But they must be automatic things...He must know this...She must not have to leave this place in her mind to tell him this...He must be more or less the silent partner..Not urge her on or she will never make it...It is a majestic feeling when it comes, however not always an easy place to find...The same goes for most of the male...The only thing is he can be turned on more by the hot sexual woman he is mating with...Hot words, sexual actions and erotic stimulation...Once you have found these places in life, especially for a woman, you don't lose them...Instead you find that you have learned a new part of yourself and it never goes away....

Caroline
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replied July 31st, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
I'm not sure about a silent partner jam5823. I agree women do definitely tend to orgasm in their comfort zone but her comfort zone could very well be you pulling her hair and calling her names for all we know. I would definitely stick with basics of your lovemaking patiently, the same foreplay that seems to work best with her, the same positions or pave you have made her orgasm with before, unless she asks for something different. Consistency is likely the one trick that will bring her out of her slump.
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replied July 31st, 2009
Community Volunteer
Each woman deals with her own special place in sexual giving...There is always conversation leading up to this..Foreplay is a hot array of words and deeds...But when she is close to giving this part of her that is magic, she needs no help...She needs a knowledgeable man who knows how to find all the woman inside her that she is....This cannot be taught....This is done with sexual movements by the woman in heat inviting her lover to find her soul....Where he can take her and who she now is will never be the same...She has found heaven and he being a man in love with her, has taken her along for this ride to paradise...When you live here, you don't argue about it...You thank God for it...It's that big......
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replied September 2nd, 2009
I think a woman is mostly responsible for her own orgasm. Get her a vibrator, more foreplay, a little wine; anything just leave it alone. She will figure it out.
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replied September 2nd, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Wine wouldn't be the best idea if she's having trouble orgasming at all. It can put you in the mood, but it can also inhibit things, both for men and women.

I think you guys just need to calm down about this. Everyone has a little trouble once in a while. She may have been a little tired or distracted by something.

Don't put so much pressure on yourself or on her. Just enjoy being together. If this goes on for weeks, then you may want to think about what is causing it, but a few times? Calm down.
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replied September 2nd, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
I'm inclined to disagree to a point MyrahU. A -moderate- amount of alcohol is very helpful for some women in overcoming the anxiety blocks that can make orgasm difficult. Personally alcohol is too distracting and can actually inhibit my orgasm but a lot of my lovers are alcohol-powerred sex machines. And again I stress both 'Moderate amount of alcohol' and 'some women'. If you're hitting the wall in other attempts a glass or two of wine may be worth a try.
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