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Treating depression without anti-depressants ?

I'm in... a bad place to say the least. I hate being alive, and I'm starting to have some pretty serious thoughts about killing myself. It's not a "permanent solution to a temporary problem", these are permanent problems that have dragged on for years and years, and have no sign of going anywhere.

I'm 23 and have completely missed out on my youth since my spinal injury when I was 16. Every day I'm in unbearable chronic pain from osteoarthritis in my spine, and nerve damage in my neck. But because of my age, every doctor I have seen (which could easily be a hundred) is convinced that I only want painkillers to score drugs. I JUST WANT SOME FREAKING PAIN RELIEF! They have no idea how unbearably mentally exhausting and painfull it gets to be like this every waking moment. But I have begged, pleaded, and reasoned with my doctor and many others, and they all steadfastly refuse to prescribe narcotics to someone my age, and the celebrex and exhorbidant amount of OTC painkillers barely work at all.

I did have one doc put me on 20mg oxycontin per day, but they've made it clear that I can NEVER, so long as I live, increase that dose or add any other painkillers. After over a year of being on the same dose, it simply doesn't work any more. I've tried quitting, but the pain gets so excrutiating it's indescribeable.

I'm a virgin and have never even been kissed, and the loneliness itself is enough to make me want to kill myself. I only get out of the house maybe 2 or 3 hours a week, and my back siezes up in spasms when I try to go out and do something besides lying down.
I wanted to go to med school, become a doctor and specialize in Rheumatology, Oncology, or Pharmaceutical research. Instead I've dropped out of college every time I tried, because I can't bare the pain of sitting in class, taking busses, etc etc.

So I have my life, and can't see anything good to live for. Nobody wants to be with me, my life has no means of taking off with this debillitating pain, and nobody seems to care. And on that note, I've now had to quit my 8th anti-depressant, because it made me unable to sleep, eat, and had me constantly dizzy and nauseous. The other 7 made me substantially more depressed, an effect that kicks in right after my first pill, and they all essentially feel like a bad acid trip. I know most people say it takes weeks before you notice a difference, but for me AD's are a powerful mind-altering substance from the first pill; beeing on them is unbearable and makes me worse.

Is there any way I can just force my neurochemistry into a state of happiness? I mean that's all anti-depressants do, so any other chemical would be fine. I've tried pot plenty of times, and it actually makes me worse, as well as worsens my pain hugely (I must be the only person on Earth getting WORSE pain from weed).

What do I do? I can't live like this any more.
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replied January 15th, 2009
Experienced User
Sorry, that came out way longer than I intended. So here's the gist:

In pain, lonely, suicidal, and have tried nearly every anti-depressant out there and they all make me go mental. Is there any chemical/drug alternative that I could use?
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replied January 16th, 2009
Question first...
Forgive my directness, but: does your physical condition impair you physically besides the pain, e.g. could/can you exercise?
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replied July 30th, 2019
Thank you for asking at Ehealth forum!

I read your question and I understand your concern.
Pain of osteoarthritis is usually not much excruciating unless there is osteophyte which is impinging nerve.
I would suggest you MRI spine, if its not showing nerve impingement or canal stenosis then start antidepressant like amitryptyline.
Consultation with pain specialist is also helpful.
I hope it helps. Stay in touch with your healthcare provider for further guidance as our answers are just for education and counselling purposes and cannot be an alternative to actual visit to a doctor.
Take care
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