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How much say should your own parents or the parents of your significant other have regarding your children? More importantly how do you get them to mind their own business (politley) when they have overstepped?

Take My dh's stepmother

They just came out for a visit. She does, like absolutely nothing ever that requires any physical effort. She doesn't walk, exercise, or do anything. it drives me nuts.

I was putting sunblock on my 5 year old so she could go outside and play "don't you think it's too hot for her to be outside?" well, it was 90 degrees out, but it's going to be 90 degrees out for at least the next month or two. What am I supposed to do, keep her inside all the time?

I was lifting groceries out of the back of my truck (something I might add that she had no intention of helping me do) and she said, "your'e going to hurt your back doing that".

Hannah was chewing on some toys and she kept putting them into the kitchen sink because they were "dirty". if i did that, she'd never have anything to play with.

She insists on buying stuff my the five year old whenever she asks for soemthing. She also has decided that she needs a collection of porcelain dolls. She has seven of them now, which she's not allowed to play with and they just sit in boxes in her closet because I have nowhere to put them. She gets at least 2 or 3 a year.

Here's the kicker: She is under the impression that both of my children have recently sustained head injuries due to "poor parental involvement", a "lack of supervision", and the fact that I have my 1 year old in day care instead of staying home with her "like I should be doing".

There is never enough duct tape for some people. Twisted Evil

So, how much say should one's parents have in raising children?
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replied July 3rd, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
Parents should keep their mouths shut unless actual abuse is going on. That's just how I feel.

Raymond's mother is completely nosy and pushy and I can tell it will be a problem when we have children. For example, she had a major problem when she found out I wasn't taking Raymond's name. I think she acted like it was an insult to them or something, which is so ridiculous! So now, to prove a point and because of "her belief", she calls me Mrs. Bowman in front of people all of the time. And sends me things addressed to "Brandi Bowman". It really really irks me. I decided that the next time I get something in the mail with that name on it, I'm going to send it back.
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replied July 3rd, 2007
Especially eHealthy
oh wow...this is a tough one. Does your husband know about her actions or what she says?

I find it very easy to tell *my* mother how I feel about what she says. But always have to literally push myself to put .baron's mother in check. And I think it's because she's not *my* mother.

Baron has stepped in and told her about herself on a couple occasions. I was fed up with being the only one defending *our* parenting style.

maybe, if you haven't already, let your hubby know about everything she's saying.

it's like...can we as the mother's do *anything* right in the in laws eyes?!?!?!

Sarah
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replied July 3rd, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Yup, that is a hard one for sure. My sister taught my mother pretty early on to keep her lips zipped unless she's asked for her thoughts. It carried over to .Brianna. She just knows better now. I do ask her for advice or thoughts, but she only gives it when asked. She may do a "well, when .I raised my kids...." but that's it.

Mike's mom is another story all together. My first issue is that she watches .Jaylon while .I work, so .I have to be careful not to step on her toes, at least not on her turf. On my turf it's another story. I will listen to it and take what she says with a grain of salt. I may throw in a "a lot has changed, hasn't it" when she says something like, "well, .I gave all my babies cereal at 2 weeks and they are just fine". I have to say that is where she and .I disagree the most.
She has a habit of comparing .Jaylon to an 8 month old she watches and that irritates me a bit. I'll say, "well, when .Jaylon is 8 months old, .I'm sure he'll____blah blah blah". I walk away if .I can because .I know if .I don't .I'll blow my top.

One evening .I had a couple captain and cokes and she started in and .I said in my sweetest voice, "well, you sure .D.I.D raise some great kids didn't you?" She got the hint/

Sometimes to save face you have to listen to it. If my mil were to make comments about my being a bad parent, she would be shown the door. Period.
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replied July 3rd, 2007
Most Diplomatic Poster
i'm lucky in that i have rich's mom and she's a sweet woman who doesn't get overly involved in her kids' lives. she's there but not all the time and she isn't a demanding or critical type of person, thank god. my mom and i have some problems in our relationship but most of the time i know how to handle her. i think it's really very sad when the parents and grandparents can't get along and the kids don't get to see their grandparents anymore. this happened with my brother's wife. she is a real ballbreaker and control freak and she has cut him off from his whole family and we don't see my nieces anymore (for 10 years now). my mom is still heartbroken over this, as am i because i was so close to them. but we did our best to get along, it just wasn't good enough for her. we even went for counselling twice but she finally admitted that it wasn't us, she just didn't want us around "her" family. anyway. i think it's good that most parents, like you ladies, do your best to get along and tolerate the quirks of your kids' grandparents. i think for the most part they are just trying to help and they don't see any harm in their meddling. i think you need to pick your battles when it comes to the grandparents and draw clear boundaries around the things that really are important to you. kids just love their grandparents so much and the grandparents often have the time and energy for the kids when parents get tired out. if anything, i think it's mostly a generation gap that causes the differences of opinion.
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replied July 3rd, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Usually parents or inlaws meddle because they care. They know now what they did wrong and are trying to help us not make the same mistakes they made.
My mother always says your first child is your guinnea pig, the one you make all your mistakes with and the more kids you have the more perfect you become. She's a bit sarcastic.
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replied July 3rd, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
with my first marraige my in laws or i should say just my father in law he hated me so every chance he got to start something he did. he was one of the reason we spilt i could not stand being married to the whole family . they were always up in our bussiness.



with my husband now . his father dont get in our business. his grandma will try to every once in awhile but we just tell her to shut up.

as far as my side of the family i dont speak to my father and never will ever again. well i will have something to say if when he dies they try to bury his sorry [email protected] next to my mother.
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replied July 5th, 2007
Supporter
i hear yeah my dh mom always butted in and lied to him about me every chance she got my fav is that my 2nd child my 1st with him wasnt his ( she looks like him for gods sake ) and i have a secrete bank account and then she told people at my work ( she worked there too and she was living with us as well ) that i had to get married cause i was preg....i got married oct 30 she was born in sept. that was a looonnnggg preg. and that we .....like rabbits everynight. well i havent had to put up with her for over 3 maybe 4 years now she lives in georgia my dh wised up and kicked her [email protected]# to the curb oh what bliss.
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