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Aggressive Children

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is it the parents fault? should they do more to stop their child being aggressive?

how would you deal with an aggressive child?
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replied June 24th, 2007
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i dont think its a parents fault all the time, it can be that way sometimes but i think that there can also be underlining issues like adhd. I think there is no one answer fits all kind of solution to this problem. My little brother who is 18 is and always has been an extremely aggressive kid but he also suffers from adhd and is much better when he is on medication. my ex husband was also very, very aggressive and it was from how he was raised, no he wasnt beat he was not given any consequences for his actions and his parents never disciplined him. I think the way your discipline a kid and the way that you raise a kid is an individual thing you need to cater to their personality. you just have to see what works for them. i think the biggest thing is to teach a aggressive child empathy and make them understand how their actions affect others.
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replied June 24th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Playing rough with a kid can teach them to be aggressive.

You have to teach limits when they are young. If you are playing with your child and he/she starts getting aggressive you have to stop playing and say, "your hurting me and .I'm not going to play with you until you stop". You have to do this every time. Most kids will get it and some won't . You shouldn't let people play rough with your kids either, it only reinforces aggression.
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replied June 24th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
I definitely think that unless there is an underlying condition, most aggressiveness is due to upbringing, not nature. You can teach a child not to hit, and they won't. To this day, I have an incredibly hard time hitting anyone for any reason, even a playful punch on the arm, as I was taught not to do such things. I never rough-housed, even with my brother. Now our verbal fights... much more "violent" but even then, with no swearing, as that was not allowed either.
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replied June 24th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
Aggression in kids is due to parenting - or, in some cases, lack of. With the whole 'gentle (read as 'nonexistant') discipline' movement, there's a lot more children who are aggressive and who allegedly have adhd or any of the other forms of autism. Of course, when Junior smacks the cat in the head and Mommy laughs about it because she doesn't want to damage his self-esteem by punishing him, the kid will think it's okay to hurt others and will move on to hurting humans. I agree that kids can be taught not to hit - kids will all, at some point, pick up hitting. It's just up to the parents to get off their duffs and make the kid understand that what they're doing is wrong.

How would I handle an aggressive kid? Easy - introduce the back of my hand to his face. He wants to hit, he's gonna see how crappy it feels to be on the receiving end. Laughing
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replied June 24th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
so there is no such thing as psychological problems?
autism, add, adhd are all made up things?
i actually agree with you that children now a days do not have enough discipline but to say these other problems do not exist is irresponsible and untrue.
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replied June 24th, 2007
Experienced User
Aggresiveness
Both my parents didn't have a clue what it was like to raise children.

Both of them were workaholics. but...

One was an alcoholic and one was totally self centered and all about themself.

I am very thankful that I ended up as stable as I am today! I could have had many troubles by my 17th year!

We all try to do better than our parents. Yes, probably too, we are all a product of our environment.

We ARE only human and no one is "perfect"!

So a "temper tantrum" at 2, 12, 22, 42, 62 or 92 is okay.

It is what it is!
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replied June 25th, 2007
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I agree that there are kids out there that 'supposedely' have adhd, that some discipline would cure amazingly enough. Kids need to learn that hitting the cat or throwing rocks at the dog next door is not ok behavior. Imo, children that abuse animals are vicitms of abuse themselves in one form or another.

As for the kids with autism, aspergers, or other illnesses, there is no faking that. There is no amount of time outs that is going to make autism or it's symptoms go away. A lot of those kids are non verbal and probably have a host of other issues that will come out later. Hitting is a way that they express themselves. Sure they can be taught more appropriate ways of dealing, but it takes time and patience.
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replied June 25th, 2007
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Mommy35 wrote:
I agree that there are kids out there that 'supposedely' have adhd, that some discipline would cure amazingly enough. Kids need to learn that hitting the cat or throwing rocks at the dog next door is not ok behavior. Imo, children that abuse animals are vicitms of abuse themselves in one form or another.

As for the kids with autism, aspergers, or other illnesses, there is no faking that. There is no amount of time outs that is going to make autism or it's symptoms go away. A lot of those kids are non verbal and probably have a host of other issues that will come out later. Hitting is a way that they express themselves. Sure they can be taught more appropriate ways of dealing, but it takes time and patience.


Agreed!

And I'd like to add after working in psych services for awhile, adhd is a very "chic" diagnosis thrown at people left and right, including adults, when it's actually a personality issue. (I don't mean personality disorder-just a hyper kid). Bipolar is also a very popular diagnosis these days, too.

Here's how to tell if you or a child has adhd:

Because it is a chemical disorder, the body reacts differently than those without adhd. Just before bedtime, consume caffiene. A can or pop, a coffee, whatever. If you can go to sleep with nary a problem, it is more likely you have the problem. If you are jittery and have a hard time, it's less likely.

-This came from a Ph.D in psych, just fyi.

It's not that did destn't exist, vanessalouanne, it's that they are overdiagnosed because people are looking for a quick fix (meds) instead of working through the problem.

I bet if you get drugs out of kids lives-sugar, caffiene, you will see behavior changes for the better.
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replied June 25th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
i like how i feel personally attacked by two people on this forum for every post i type.
i don't disagree with you that it is over diagnosed and that a change of diet and discipline are helpful, but i have my associates degree in early childhood development and my mother has her masters in special education and has been teaching these children for 15 years, along with problems that my brother has and has had since age 5 been diagnosed with by a doctor and seen for regularly for for the last 13 years.
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replied June 25th, 2007
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I used to think children who were ill-behaved were caused directly by poor parenting. Now I believe it's about 50% nature and 50% nurture. I think children are born with their own personalities and mennerisms. We, as parents can try to ameliorate some of the negative aspects of our children's personalities. My oldest daughter, the "daisy picker" is very pokey. She is also very messy. So we try to help her overcome some of these things. My younger child is ver short-tempered (even as a 1 year old) and moody, so we are trying to help her learn to use words or signs to indicate her needs and are trying to help her understand how to express herself. One thing that I will not tolerate from my children is aggression. If they act in this way, they are removed from the situation until they can calm themselves.
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replied June 25th, 2007
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I have .a.d.h.d, and I am a completely different person when I am medicated. I take 72mg of a ritalin derivative daily, and this stops me from being too quick to speak, i think things through, and my speaking slows down immensely.
when a child really does have adhd, it is not really their fault. they have more energy than they can handle appropriately.

p.s. there's no such thing as a.d.d. it's called a.d.h.d--inattentive
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replied June 25th, 2007
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Birch wrote:
Because it is a chemical disorder, the body reacts differently than those without adhd. Just before bedtime, consume caffiene. A can or pop, a coffee, whatever. If you can go to sleep with nary a problem, it is more likely you have the problem. If you are jittery and have a hard time, it's less likely.

-This came from a Ph.D in psych, just fyi.


I believe that whole-heartedly. I have taken aderall(sp) and it did the exact oposite of what it is prescribed for. I was up and going going going!
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replied June 25th, 2007
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Just wanted to add:

My 5 y.o. had her second temper tantrum ever a couple of weeks ago because I wanted her to clean up her mess that she had made. She was so angry. She said "I feel so mad I feel like I want to hit you!" So I gave her a huge hug and congratulated her on being able to voice this and identify her feelings. I told her that some grown-ups can't even do that. She wasn't mad for very long after that.
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replied June 25th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
I have a friend who has genuine add as well, and believe me, he is a very different person off ritalin. He can focus and do school work on ritalin, he' an honors student with all a's in college.

When he was a little kid, he literally could not sit still. He didn't even have a seat at his desk because he could not stay down. His teachers thought he was mentally disabled because they couldn't get him to retain anything. Well, an iq test finally ruled out that, as he was actually incredibly intelligent. He got put on ritalin, and has been a model student ever since.

I've seen the change in his attention span myself. He can be quite annoying off his meds because you'll tell him to stop doing something annoying, like tapping on the table, and he'll go "okay!" and two minutes later he's doing it again. he's not a bad dude, he just needs ritalin to help his brain work right.
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replied June 25th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
Quote:
As for the kids with autism, aspergers, or other illnesses, there is no faking that.


There is when the kids don't actually have it. Cases of childhood autism have gone up 850 percent in the last 20 years or so, and isn't it funny that autism is more diagnosed than ever, even though those evil vaccines that allegedly cause the condition are no longer used? A majority of the cases of childhood autism are not real - it's just parents who are too stupid and lazy to discipline their kids and they fele it's easier to put snookums chest-deep in medication to keep him bearable.

Autism is definitely real, but not nearly as many kids who get diagnosed with it actually have it, and the parents who just medicate their kids to shut them up ought to be ashamed of themselves.
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replied June 26th, 2007
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Although I would admit that perhaps autism and add/adhd are over-diagnosed, they are very real problems. Autism is indeed on the rise in our country, and they are having a hard time figuring out exactly why. It was an interesting finding several years ago that cases of autism were highest in silicon valley, although, medical personnel are still not sure why. there is no medication for autism, unless it is combined with a certain degree of psychotic illness as well. So whether all children diagnosed with autism are truly autistic is up for debate, but the fact that the incidence is rising is a fact. Maybe we are better at diagnosing the problem.

Parents who have their children tested for autism are not necessarily lazy parents. In fact, parents have usually tried everything they can think of to help their child before getting them tested, as no parent really wants that as a diagnosis for their child.

I think that a lot of times rambunctious children with behavior issues are, indeed diagnosed with add/adhd when, in fact, the problem lies in parenting, behavior issues, and a myriad of other problems. I do not, however believe that all kids (or adults) diagnosed with add.adhd need to be medicated if they can be taught how to self-regulate. My dh has adhd, and he was on meds as a kid but they made him freak out like that clock in Alice In Wonderland at the mad tea party or something. He does not take anything, and he does fine. He does do the incessant tapping sometimes, and is distracted by things, but I would rather have himlike this than freaked out or doped up.

anyway that's my 2 cents worth
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