Quick story. I have had a friends with benefits for almost two years now. However, the Army shipped me from the East coast to Arizona last August. Right before my move this guy just up and started treating me badly. Friends say his behavior was because of his objection to my move and my involvement in the military. Well, on a trip back home in February we hooked up for old time sake. Then I found out his sports team moved him to Northern California. Two months later (this past April) his team played near me and we hooked up again. The next night his team lost. He left me stranded at the arena and then flew back home the next morning without telling me he was leaving. We haven't spoken since. However, now I am ten weeks pregnant. I am not one of those types of girl to hide a child from its father. However, I grew up with a father the treated me like an unwanted mistake. I REFUSE to have my child raised in the same manner. So how, or do I tell him. If I do tell him, we live so far apart that he wont be around for the pregnancy anyway. I almost would rather raise my child alone, then have him know and reject it. I've tried calling, just to touch base again, but he never picks up or returns my calls. It's almost like he knows what I am about to tell him. At this point I feel that my only option is to keep doing what I am doing. Going on day by day supporting myself, staying happy, and making it work. I am old enough and secure enough to be a mother and raise a child on my own. So do I bother to keep trying to tell him? and is it wrong to leave him out of it?
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replied June 10th, 2007
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Hi
From what I have read, you have made attempts to get in touch with him, yet he refuses to talk to you. So, on this note, you have tried to contact him. It only goes to show how is responding, meaning, he wants nothing more to do with you........so....if you were to tell him you are pregnant, would you want him to come back, have a miserable life, knowing the only reason he was there was be cause of this baby? Or, go on a as you have before and have a happy life, raise your child. Once your child is old enough to want to know who their father is.....find him and then "show and tell". theres gonna be al lot of people who will disagree with this, sating the father has every right to know....well that father was contacted to try to inform him, yet he wants no responsibility form the Mother....what would make it any different knowing about a child. on even another note......he did take part in producing this child and you may need financial help...if he signs birth certificate or can be proved to be the father, child support should be in order....I was from a divorced home and its *** on a kid.........I'd much rather been raised by Mother alone to see the *** she put up with while trying to raise me and my two brothers....she and Dad were miserable in the same home.....Just something for you to think about!
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replied November 19th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
i am sorry for all the girls that have to go through this.
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replied November 19th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
I'd say go with your instincts. This guy didn't ever seem committal or respectful for that matter. What matters is that your child is loved. If you feel that you can do it alone, I'd encourage you. Stay strong and ... how's it going, anyways?
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replied November 19th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
I know this is insanely hard.. but in my personal opinion. I would not tell him. If he isnt making the effort to keep in contact with you then dont even bother. However if you do do NOT put him on the birth certificate please! If you choose to contact him and inform him in my opinion the best form would be via snail mail... not email or phone .. and then the ball is in his court!
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replied November 26th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
i agree, when i thought i was pregnant and the would be dad said he didn't want anything to do with me or my child if i was so i was just gonna tell him that i wasn't and move to wisconsin with my brother lol but since im not i don't have to move and i don't even talk to that butt hehe
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replied January 6th, 2008
Well, if you don't tell him, how can you expect him to begin to accept the fact that he's going to be a father. He may surprise you. He has the right to know that he fathered a child. THEN let him decide if he wants to be a part of the child's life. At least give him the opportunity. I understand he's not returning your calls, so...leave a voicemail. And if you don't tell him...what will you tell that child when (s)he starts asking about their daddy??
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replied January 7th, 2008
Active User, very eHealthy
i think the best thing for that is that when the child does get old enough and starts asking explain to him or her what happened but i wasn't going to tell the father even then that he had a child cause he wouldn't believe me. some men don't deserve children and if they do father them why should you have to go through rejection for the stuff that both of you guys did? I understand that a child needs a father figure and a mother but what if the dad rejects them? I just think it's stupid that men can just run away and not take any responsibility, and i respect the men that do stay and the men that take care of children that's not even theirs.
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replied February 19th, 2008
Active User, very eHealthy
i think......

you being in the Army will always be a difficult disition. him then thinkin mibi in the back of his mind that your manlyer than he is lol. (its true though)
if you want to take care of this kid alone until you find someone who will sweep you off your feet and take you with whatever baggage you have.

THEN DO IT!

if finnaly he gets a hold of you then you tell him. thats fine and if he wants to see this kid then let him. but its his falt for not answering. end of lol.

if hes not suportive of what you do (baby and army) then find someone who will.
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replied February 22nd, 2008
Active User, very eHealthy
very well spoken Ayshire
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