I need some help from others that can relate to this problem... Bad thought keep poping into my head...
My girlfriend remained a virgin until she was 23 then slept with 7 men in a 2 and a half year period. 2 were on night stands, 2 were guys she dated for a week or two and 3 were friends of her girlfriend...
This past behavior has caused me a lot of confusion because as much as I hate it I still love her and want to marry her.
THe problem is that i'm always having the thought of her having sex with these other men pop into my head at the works times like when we are having sex. I also found out that she gave her last guy a blowjob and now everytime i go to kiss her the thought of her doing that pops into my head. It is really making it hard to be intimate with her.. I don't have trouble with the fact that she did these things cause we all have (or will) at some point. I myself have been with 4 girls before her and received and gave oral sex to some of them..
What I really need is advice on how to break this habit of having this pop into my head everytime I kiss her. It's like having a bad song stuck in your head and I am afraid this foolishness will destroy us. She is the ONE.. Please, any advice or ideals would be priceless to me...
Thaks so much...
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replied June 7th, 2007
Experienced User
I don't know how much help I can be, but I do know what you're going through. The first year or so that I had sex with my boyfriend (currently husband), the exact same thing happened to me. When we were intimate, or sometimes just after, his past grilfriends (the ones he had sex with) would pop into my head. It was worse that I knew some of the girls, because that gave them faces for me to think of. I told him how I felt, and the way he made me feel better was to tell me that yes, he had sex befoe, but it was different with me. He loved me, and knew that I was the one (something he hadn't felt with the others).

That could actually apply in your case. Likely, your girlfriend was experimenting, trying to find out what was right for her, and then you came along. You obviously are what she was looking for, and that's really a special thing. In a way it makes you stand out among the rest: a shining star against a darkened sky.

For me, it simply took time to get over the fact that he'd been with anyone before me. Today, they hardly exist at all.
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replied June 7th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
haah if you find the answer to this one let me know! im a very very insecure person and i have a really hard time thinking about my husbands past.. if anything i think what your feeling is normal.
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replied June 8th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Re: Help Forgetting Gf's Past
matt2004 wrote:
I need some help from others that can relate to this problem... Bad thought keep poping into my head...
My girlfriend remained a virgin until she was 23 then slept with 7 men in a 2 and a half year period. 2 were on night stands, 2 were guys she dated for a week or two and 3 were friends of her girlfriend...
This past behavior has caused me a lot of confusion because as much as I don't like it I still love her and want to marry her.
THe problem is that i'm always having the thought of her having sex with these other men pop into my head at the works times like when we are having sex. I also found out that she gave her last guy a blowjob and now everytime i go to kiss her the thought of her doing that pops into my head. It is really making it hard to be intimate with her.. I don't have trouble with the fact that she did these things cause we all have (or will) at some point. I myself have been with 4 girls before her and received and gave oral sex to some of them..
What I really need is advice on how to break this habit of having this pop into my head everytime I kiss her. It's like having a bad song stuck in your head and I am afraid this foolishness will destroy us. She is the ONE.. Please, any advice or ideals would be priceless to me...
Thaks so much...
how would you feel if she did that to you?Everytime she kissed you she pictured you going down on someone?it's not fair is it?you both have done things in the past with other people and all that matters is that you love each other,right?If so,this should bnot bother you so much.sorry,I have no tips to get over it,it's just something you have to get over yourself.you can't hold things againster her you have done,it's very hypocritical.when you think of those things,think of her,and how much you love her and how mucky you are to have her with *you*.always remember,she loves you too! Wink
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replied June 10th, 2007
I believe you need to analize something that mabey you didnt think of before. Notice that with every other man she has been with was a short aventure, fling, something completely insignificant to her. Then you come along and now there is a possibility of marrage. It seems to me that you have something that all these other men didnt have. You have her heart. Next time you kiss her, try to think of how much love is in that kiss. Think instead of her having all those flings, she is there with YOU and nobody else.
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replied June 24th, 2007
Doriz wrote:
Notice that with every other man she has been with was a short aventure, fling, something completely insignificant to her.



Ok this helps me out a bit in knowing that I am more significant then all the other men. She is always telling me that I am the only person she has ever said I love you too and that sex between us is amazing and special. But I still have these thoughts of her past lovers. I think I have lost respect for her cause she gave it away so easily. She says she was lonely and wanted to feel loved/attractive/wanted... I know I'm judging her and seeing her as less worthy or less pure because of this, And yes I know I have no right to do this... Her only long term relationship was 6 months long and they never had sex. If these 7 guys were short term dating partners or a month or two I would think nothing of it. But most were sex on the first night and usually when she was drunk. I hate the thought of her just wanting a lay from anybody who was there... Why does a girl do this kind of thing.. It's so unlike her or the her of now anyways... Any girls out there understand this behavior

I want to understand and get over this.. That's why I'm here... Anymore advice, different views or viewpoints wound be helpful... I already have the ring I just need to get over this before I can be confident in marrying her
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replied June 24th, 2007
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matt2004 wrote:
... Why does a girl do this kind of thing.. It's so unlike her or the her of now anyways... Any girls out there understand this behavior

I want to understand and get over this.. That's why I'm here... Anymore advice, different views or viewpoints wound be helpful... I already have the ring I just need to get over this before I can be confident in marrying her


Insecurity. She wanted to know she was hot, so she decided to find out. This is different situation, but kind of similar: I had a guy cheat on me, and I ended up working it out by sleeping with about four guys to "prove" I was still hot. It's silly in retrospect. The alcohol probably helped let down her inhibitions. worked for me!

You could look at it like this; it's a good thing she got it all out of her system before she met you. If she met you, married you, and still had this issue to work out then it could've led down a very dark path.

Give it time; this will fade. I've been with my current gentleman for four and a half years. I hardly remember what sex was like with other people. I can't even imagine doing anything with anyone else.

Girls are (usually) quite insecure. It was nothing more than that. You sound like a really smart guy; wanting to work this out before marriage. Good for you! You will overcome this and have a strong relationship.

Best of luck!
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replied June 24th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
I think you have this idea in your head that every girl you love is going to be Little Ms. Virgin, like a lot of guys do. Not only is that not fair, but it's unrealistic. It is definitely not cool that you respect her less-if you love someone, you accept everything about them, their past, their goals for the future, their mistakes, their good qualities, etc etc....if she can do this for you, she deserves to be treated the same.
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replied June 24th, 2007
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matt2004 wrote:
Doriz wrote:
Notice that with every other man she has been with was a short aventure, fling, something completely insignificant to her.



Ok this helps me out a bit in knowing that I am more significant then all the other men. She is always telling me that I am the only person she has ever said I love you too and that sex between us is amazing and special. But I still have these thoughts of her past lovers. I think I have lost respect for her cause she gave it away so easily. She says she was lonely and wanted to feel loved/attractive/wanted... I know I'm judging her and seeing her as less worthy or less pure because of this, And yes I know I have no right to do this... Her only long term relationship was 6 months long and they never had sex. If these 7 guys were short term dating partners or a month or two I would think nothing of it. But most were sex on the first night and usually when she was drunk. I don't like the thought of her just wanting a lay from anybody who was there... Why does a girl do this kind of thing.. It's so unlike her or the her of now anyways... Any girls out there understand this behavior

I want to understand and get over this.. That's why I'm here... Anymore advice, different views or viewpoints wound be helpful... I already have the ring I just need to get over this before I can be confident in marrying her



what it sounds to me is that you are concerned if she is a promiscuous or not. Well you need to find that out. Does she continues drinking?[removed] don't be surprised with the number of partners. Just pay attention to her alcoholic habits. I don't think any advice works if you are so in love with the gal. Being objective is difficult when you are in love.
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replied June 24th, 2007
I think the reason why she did that in her past was because she hadn't found anyone that she truly felt was right for her to be serious with. The older people get, the more they realize what they want. She was younger back then and wasn't sure where her life was going to take her. Presumably, with each relationship, a person makes better choices, until they end up with the best of the best.

Rather then getting caught up in those other relationships or flings, focus on the fact that you are the one she is with now. Whether she cared or not about the others, she obviously loves you!
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replied June 24th, 2007
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nightangel73 wrote:
...
When a girl has sex for the first time she will continue to having sex with every man that follows. That's a fact so don't be surprised with the number of partners. ...


Hold your horseys, nightie. Do you speak from personal experience? Wink
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replied June 24th, 2007
My ex has quite the past, he's slept with 10 girls (including me), since he was 16, and he's now 21.

It didn't bother me that much, but what did was that he was most likely comparing me to them. Sad So it was like, is he really turned on or is he faking it? Am I any good? Those are the thoughts that went through my head.
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replied June 24th, 2007
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nightangel73 wrote:
matt2004 wrote:
Doriz wrote:
Notice that with every other man she has been with was a short aventure, fling, something completely insignificant to her.



Ok this helps me out a bit in knowing that I am more significant then all the other men. She is always telling me that I am the only person she has ever said I love you too and that sex between us is amazing and special. But I still have these thoughts of her past lovers. I think I have lost respect for her cause she gave it away so easily. She says she was lonely and wanted to feel loved/attractive/wanted... I know I'm judging her and seeing her as less worthy or less pure because of this, And yes I know I have no right to do this... Her only long term relationship was 6 months long and they never had sex. If these 7 guys were short term dating partners or a month or two I would think nothing of it. But most were sex on the first night and usually when she was drunk. I don't like the thought of her just wanting a lay from anybody who was there... Why does a girl do this kind of thing.. It's so unlike her or the her of now anyways... Any girls out there understand this behavior

I want to understand and get over this.. That's why I'm here... Anymore advice, different views or viewpoints wound be helpful... I already have the ring I just need to get over this before I can be confident in marrying her



what it sounds to me is that you are concerned if she is a promiscuous or not. Well you need to find that out. Does she continues drinking? [removed] don't be surprised with the number of partners. Just pay attention to her alcoholic habits. I don't think any advice works if you are so in love with the gal. Being objective is difficult when you are in love.


do you ever think before you speak? lol

that's absolutely not true, you shouldn't hold every girl to that! i've had sex with one person and one person only, and if him and i were to break up i sure as hell wouldn't go around sleeping with every man just because i've had sex with my boyfriend. think before you speak. Rolling Eyes
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replied June 24th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
nightangel73 wrote:
matt2004 wrote:
Doriz wrote:
Notice that with every other man she has been with was a short aventure, fling, something completely insignificant to her.



Ok this helps me out a bit in knowing that I am more significant then all the other men. She is always telling me that I am the only person she has ever said I love you too and that sex between us is amazing and special. But I still have these thoughts of her past lovers. I think I have lost respect for her cause she gave it away so easily. She says she was lonely and wanted to feel loved/attractive/wanted... I know I'm judging her and seeing her as less worthy or less pure because of this, And yes I know I have no right to do this... Her only long term relationship was 6 months long and they never had sex. If these 7 guys were short term dating partners or a month or two I would think nothing of it. But most were sex on the first night and usually when she was drunk. I don't like the thought of her just wanting a lay from anybody who was there... Why does a girl do this kind of thing.. It's so unlike her or the her of now anyways... Any girls out there understand this behavior

I want to understand and get over this.. That's why I'm here... Anymore advice, different views or viewpoints wound be helpful... I already have the ring I just need to get over this before I can be confident in marrying her

[removed]don't be surprised with the number of partners.
Laughing Laughing Laughing Rolling Eyes
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replied June 24th, 2007
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Here's a thought for the original poster...

My boyfriend, who I've been w/ 4.5 years and we are as happy as clams, has quite the past. He's 40, and has been with over 30 girls. Yeah, he was a manwhore rockstar musican and all that jazz. However, in the past fifteen years he's been with three girls, all in long term, monogamous relationships.

And I can honestly say it doesn't bother me one bit, nor do I think that means he can't be monogamous. I don't think about the girls he's been with; I don't care. He's with me now, and that's all I need to know. I wasn't even around when all that stuff happened, so how could I be concerned about it now?

You're going to have to let go of your preconceived notions about women and sex partners. It's so highly unlikely that you were going to meet a girl and end up with her, and be her only sex partner. And she's at least 25, right?

I'm going to reiterate that I bet she did the one night stand phase because she was insecure, and wanted to prove to herself that she was hot. She said as much; "she wanted to feel loved/attractive/wanted".


nightangel73 wrote:
When a girl has sex for the first time she will continue to having sex with every man that follows.


Come to think of it, after I lost my virginity, I even wanted to bone my dog! It's like a switch was turned on; the magical "hornyhornyhorny" button was pushed (otherwise known as the "clitoris") and I hungered for every male creature I laid my eyes on. And legs, too. I laid my legs on them as well.



Just kidding! Laughing
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replied June 24th, 2007
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lmao birch.


i get that now since i don't get to be with my boyfriend but every few months Laughing



especially when im around my dog.
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replied June 25th, 2007
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HcoBrunette06 wrote:
ha ha ha birch.


i get that now since i don't get to be with my boyfriend but every few months Laughing



especially when im around my dog.
lmao! terra your sick!

WHen I had sex for the first time I didnt want to bone every guy that walked by me.nightangel,your comment was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out of hand.speak only for yourself and not people you do not know.
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