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I Hate My Life (Page 4)


July 7th, 2012
My mom think I do everything and she doesn't give me a chance to do anything. I wish I was dead. My dad just yells at me everyday so I don't know how to deal with this. I want to die.
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replied July 10th, 2012
Here is my story, when i was 11 my prents got divorced, this being hard enough, they fought a lot. Until one day my dad snapped and abused her, next I was the one to call the police and my mom was arrested. I heard my dad lie to the police and say she attacked him, yet i was the only kid out of three, who saw it all. If this wasn't bad enough, my dad constantly bad mouthed my mother and everyone on her side of the family, it hurt me so much. He bragged about me never seeing her again and thats when he began blaming the whole divorce on me. It really damaged me and i actually beleived him for years, I gained about a hundred punds over the next three years as my friends began betraying me, people sided with my father and both of my parents got remarried 8 months after they divorced. I hated going to there wedding. I told my dad that if I ever escaped from living with him i would never speak to him again. I kept this promise and hear about how terrible it is everytime there is a sociaal gathering. To make it even worse im still about 50 punds over weight and i have ugly stretch marks from head to toe. I keep switching schools and now I hate my stepdad and my stepmom. Recently my stepdad called me a 'f** up' and told my mother to shut up 2wice. Normally i wouldnt be upset until i notced that these were things my dad would say to me. After that i lost all respect for him and my real dad. I even concedered becoming a lesbian because of how much i hated men after that (which i didnt by the way.) At this point in my life i dont need anymore stress, i already have enough to deal with and all i want to do is lose weight before high school this september. I feel like i COULD do it but everytime im getting in that mode something shockingly terrible happens and i gain 5 more pounds. I feel like a piece of junk most days because of my life and now this is where i am.... i really want to lose weight this summer and forget everything else. I never thought id say this but I CANT WAIT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL just so i can get away from my parents relationship. I hate how my stepdad treats my mom like his own personal slave, and i hate even more that she thinks thats how it is suppossed to be. You know how people say 'an apple doesnt fall far from the tree?" well guess what, this apple could not fall any farther away. i really just want to lose weight at this point and disconnected myself from my parents bull. yours truly, a fat chick
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replied July 23rd, 2012
Don't hate on yourself so much! Im sure that you are a great girl and I know that everything seems impossible right now... but just know that everything happens for a reason! I know that it doesnt make much sense now, but I gaurente it will in the future!

As for the weight thing - PLEASE don't do anything drastic, like develop an eating disorder or something - I have known people who had gotten themselves into those sort of things based on similar feelings and situations -
Instead - try living as healthy a diet as possible! Eat mostly veggies, with some meats and protein here and there- and I'm sure that you'll feel much better!
Does your school have some sort of fall running team (like cross country- its a no cut sport!)? Running makes you much for fit,and while its alot of hard work it makes you feel alot better about your self-trust me! Runners are generally really nice, and I'm sure that they won't be mean to you - and if they are, you can just tell the coach! If they know anything about you, then they will admire you for going out of your comfort zone and making new friends (making transition to highschool easier) with your devestating past.

Best of luck! message me if anything. Smile
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replied July 13th, 2012
blah...
Sometimes I feel like I hate my parents too... I just became a parent and fight with my husband all the time so now I kinda feel bad because I know she was probably angry most of the time because she had so many problems in her life that she didn't tell us about... everyone has problems, just wish that my husband would not worry and argue with me so much and just be happy that we are all healthy... but nope
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replied July 14th, 2012
i hate my life too when i was young i was told that i was not smart enought to go to college and my mom is so discuraging everything that i want to do and when i try to save money for stuff that i want she gets mad when i do try to save and my dad is a total fool they only things that appeal to him are food /tv/and his loser friends my mom ignors me when i talk about going to college online and study fashion design and moving away and she aslso treats me more like a maid then her daugther and she praises evertything that my lame sisters do one looks so much like a man that its sickley and the other looks like the mother gorg from fraggle rock yet she encurages them to do sutff but disencurages me from doing everything that i want to do she cars more about their education more than mine mine suposes to just stop at high school and noughting else she treats me like i am dumb and she espects me to stay in this lame small town forever i hate my life and my small town my school days was the worst experiance for me and the people in town are so lame they treat me like i don't understand anything and my family is worst they don't ask would i do something for them they say get me this get me that they think that i have no feelings my brother is a fool he swears that he is going to become the next kane west he makes these lame beats that sound so stupid yet my mom encurgaes him but i tell her that i want to become a fashion designer she says you can't draw and you can't sew i also want to do other things too but i did not tell her or anyone else my mom also trys to lower my self esteem when i say that i want a certain hair style she says you won't look right in that every hair style that i show her she gives that same line everytime she and the rest of my relations always try to use me as a back up plan when they do something stupid with their money they come in my face and barrow money and also volenteer my stuff to use when they can get their own i will tell you more but i used enough space alredy if it was not for money problems i would have left my lame family and lame small town long time ago another reason why i hate my life is because i have to wake up and see that noughting has changed and noughting good has ever happened to me ever since i could walk my life has been miserable iam 32 and i hate my life
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replied July 22nd, 2012
I've read through each post and know what most of you are going through. DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE! I have been there and know that the only way out is JESUS. I was raped by thee gang members three years ago right after my birthday. Ive been struggling with juvenile diabetes since the age of six. I'm now battling reoccurring infections because my immune system has been weakened. This is terrible, I've felt like I've been in a deep black hole before and no one knew I was there. Then I got saved and Jesus had been with me to hold my hand every step of the way. When I start feeling depressed I start singing praises to Him. He is so beautiful and the light at the end of our deep dark tunnel! Some days I can't help but cry, I've been depressed today but cried out to Him to help me and He did as always! No matter what your going through please lean on Him. If a sinner like I was who was abused and deeply wounded can be set free so can you! God bless!
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Users who thank elyssia for this post: BlueSkiesAreComing 

replied July 22nd, 2012
I've read through each post and know what most of you are going through. DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE! I have been there and know that the only way out is JESUS. I was raped by thee gang members three years ago right after my birthday. Ive been struggling with juvenile diabetes since the age of six. I'm now battling reoccurring infections because my immune system has been weakened. This is terrible, I've felt like I've been in a deep black hole before and no one knew I was there. Then I got saved and Jesus had been with me to hold my hand every step of the way. When I start feeling depressed I start singing praises to Him. He is so beautiful and the light at the end of our deep dark tunnel! Some days I can't help but cry, I've been depressed today but cried out to Him to help me and He did as always! No matter what your going through please lean on Him. If a sinner like I was who was abused and deeply wounded can be set free so can you! God bless!
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replied July 25th, 2012
i feel the same way. im 14 my brother is 17 and my mom treats me like a juvenile dilenquent. she talks to me as if she didnt make me and found me on the street. so now im jus thinking about killing myself or just overdose on my perscription pills and go into a comma or something and now i fell like complete crap around her.to her i have no feelings and no say in anything.i just wish she could see me for me not that preppy little ballerina she wants. im not going to be that so she needs to change her frame of mind or she wont get anything out of me...
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replied August 6th, 2012
My parents have been divorced for about a year and I live with my mom and my little brother.( in my grandparents house) where I used to live we had a big house and went to nice schools and I knew everybody. Now I go to a school full of mean strangers who pick on me way to much. My little brother has to take meds because he is half retarded. My dad was an achoholic and phisacaly abused all of us then he started using spray paint cans up his nose to get high. For a while the gov. Issued a c.p.o. ( court protection order) where he had to stay away from us before we left I played baskeball and before my last game my dad said he would go get some piazza for dinner. Well he spent 3 hours at a bar and then I missed my last game. One time he came in my bedroom and got on top of me and threw me really hard in to the ground and injured my back and he just laughed at me and called me a baby or something like that he would get so mad and yell and scream. Both of my parents used to drink. Long before thiis happened when I was 6 I would here arguments about money I really didn't understand it so I didn't know the divorce was coming. Once the divorce was official I had to say goodbye to all my freinds at school I got so many hugs and good byes that my body ached. My dad used to work for Lincoln electric but in 2010 he quit and started his own buisness in mechanics with cars so it is not an official job. To this day he does stuff like that to make tons of money but is not considered a job so he doesn't have to pay child support but my mom is just about broke. And know I have to have frequent visatations with that jerk who doesn't deserve a son like me. Not bragging but I an pretty smart I can play the piano and I'm a whiz at math. Smile however this whole thing is totally unfair I was always the good kid at school with a near perfect record and good grades I never bullied anyone or crape like that and look at me. I know they say life isn't fair but this is just wrong. I seriously consider suicide sometimes
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replied August 8th, 2012
I hate my life
I wonder sometimes why my life is the way it is.....I always feel useless I try so hard to be happy and it just never works! I cant seem to think of a single possitive thing that's happened to me Sad I feel that my family never pays attention to me, I have to get surgery, I have disease and a lot of the ones I loved died Sad I feel so lonely and icolated! Sometimes I wonder how am I still alive? I think of suicide all the time! I just wanna be happy! Everything in my life turns down and bad always the "bad luck " one and always the one that gets hurt..., I get angry easily, I get stressed, I'm restless, I always think I don't deserve anything.....I dunno what to do! Does anyone have any advice for me so I can be happy? I just wanna have a good life
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replied August 14th, 2012
I hate my life
My whole family hates me and never listen to me. My parents always tell me that I'm stupid and I'll never get anywhere in life. Even though I get A's and B's they still put me down. They expect way too much from me and I have ADHD so school is really hard for me. My brother and sister always call me annoying and a loser. I try to talk to my parents but every time I do, they never listen. At school I get bullied and get called ugly, fat, stupid, wierd, a nerd, ect. My "friends" always make fun of me for not being good at sports and embarass me in front of everyone. I hate EVERYTHING about myself, I rarely eat yet I'm still 110 pounds (which is heavy for my age). Somebody please help.
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replied August 15th, 2012
Nothing means anything to me anymore
My birthday is Friday, August 17, I always suffered from depression. I tried many anti-depressants, but nothing works (too many side effects. I am told I look in my late 30's, but I would have been 52 Friday. Compliments mean nothing to me, I am worthless and know it. No matter what, I am a failure, in marriage, now divorced. In work, now on a pension. In everything. Hope you all find a different way out of depression, hope you find a better way out. For myself, I am thinking of checking out the date I came in. Wish all of you the very best.
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replied August 16th, 2012
Please stay positive
I understand what you're going through (I explained my situation in my last post). But you should never do any harm to yourself, commit suicide or anything like that. I have thoughts also where I just want to drop off the face of the Earth and erase my past, but you can't. You have to keep pushing yourself forward and know that these things pass. I promise your life will get better. Just try to stay positive, okay? I will pray for all of you and I hope everyone who feels depressed feels better soon (including myself). Smile
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replied August 23rd, 2012
I really hate my life. I've been dating my girlfriend for four months, and we're perfect together. However, her mom is extremely homophobic (we're both girls), and since I wear guys clothes, in her mind I just HAVE to be a lesbian. So she won't let us come to each others houses anymore without being all skeptical. We don't even do anything when I come over but kiss, so if she was actually accepting like my mom then we could be perfectly happy together. But no, apparently not. Since its hard to see her without holding her hand, hugging her, kissing her, etc. I can't go to school without at least hugging her. And apparently EVERYONE loves to spread rumors about me being a lesbian because of the way I dress so when I hug my girlfriend everyone gets suspicious. So, just today, my girlfriends "friend" (let's just call her Katie) told Katie's mom that there were rumors about us dating and kissing at school and stuff. We've never kissed with people, only in the bathroom sometimes. And since Katie's mom is my girlfriends moms bestfriend, she obviously spread this news to her. My girlfriend acted mad when her mom confronted her with this, and her mom said "this is exactly why I didn't want you hanging out with her all the time. She looks like a freaking lesbian, so of course there would be rumors like this." it makes me so mad that my girlfriend and
I can't even hold hands in public without being scared that someone who knows her mom can see. I don't know what to do, please help.
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replied August 31st, 2012
Depression sucks. Life is not giving everything to everyone. But if life keep on discouraging you then seriously it is hell. I was an average student during my schooling and an average post graduate. Did a lot of struggle for even non-worthy job. Got a chance to work in different country it did well for 1 year which included my online love fantasies. Girl ditched me by saying we cant get married we haven't met personally despite of the fact we kept on talking for 15 hrs in a day. It was first shock of my life. Few months later i had to return back to my own country. I was workless for one year and depressed, i started doing some courses and planned to visit the same country again. I appeared for so many interviews finally got the right one. 15 days later there was checking happened for visa status. My employer did not yet applied my visa. i took to police station, sentenced 4 months in jail and deported back to the country. 1 year again work less and started doing job in some metro company, job did well. My parents found a girl for me and i became married from a single. The partner i got did not make anyone common understanding point. My in-laws were so illiterate, i was just managing my life by doing job, but my wife did not co-operate with me, there were so many controversies made and one day my wife filed case against me and my family(who even were not staying with me). Whatever happened even i am not able to explain...this is what my bloody life so far... i hate my life....God has not even given a tiny hope. dont know wat will happen next..i am just scared
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replied September 3rd, 2012
Like so many others on here...I hate my life. Loathe my job and the people I work with. Live with my partner who I regret to say I stopped loving a long time ago. Hate the house and the area we live in and desperately want to leave it all behind (my partner owns the house) Wish I had the courage to just quit my job and life etc and go and find something else....I am 42 and have felt this way for a long time.
Putting your "faith" in God and Jesus etc? A waste of time- tried that for a long time and nothing...no help...no guidance...no answers...no response.
I have little choice but to believe either there isn't a God or he simply doesn't care.
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replied September 3rd, 2012
Diagnosis?
I wander aimlessly from goal to goal. Small goals easily accomplished, the sad thing is I know i could have been better. I recently completed a college course involving the health care feild., but the truth is I could have done more but instead I do these things looking for something I know I won't find but it isn't my fault because I saw it through. I wish things were different but I don't know what alternate would make me truly happy/satisfied. I know I have much to be grateful for but man I can't for the life of me be as happy as people around me. My life is on an upturn yet I linger on my most recent ex ( to top this all off.) and feel as if my life is to say the least "sad" . Anyway I stumbled across this site and figured I'd post it even though writing it was a great help in and of itself. I simply ask a broad question, what can I do? I'm not asking for a miracle just some insight from some one who offers a suggestion, or even an opinion as to why I feel this way at times. ( I know i should talk to some one about this but it's really quite difficult)
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replied September 3rd, 2012
Experienced User
Hello, don't be so disappointed. life is beautiful. you can communicate with your friends. Cheer up
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replied September 5th, 2012
FML
It started out back in 1997 with just me, brother, dad and mom. But in 99 or 00 mom got tooken to rehab. In 2000 my dad, me and brother all moved to the USA Ohio and my dad remarried my first step-mom; Theresa (Along with her 2 kids Jerica (born 1983) and Tye (born 1986) you do the math. Anyway they were fun awesome older stepbrother / sister to me and my brother --- we all lived happily, active, healthy, haveing fun everyday together in the states life was perfect, I was actually happy then!) But ya in August 2004 me, brother, dad and stepmom 1 decided to vist back at Canada I guess? And in Sept2005-Feb2006 we eneded up moving into a trailer in Digby. But are stepmom ended up having cancer so she went back to the states, shortly after we came when she ended up not being able to breath and stuff and ya that's the day she died. Worst day of my life. :'( SHE WAS THE BEST AndI was only 9! and my perfect life dissappeared...(Even those stepfamily siblings...) Now since May 2006 we been living in Annapolis in this big house, in the middle of the woods basically (abt 5 mins from lequelle store). Anyway with are NEw stepmom....Vickey. And her 4 daughters: Willy (19) Gean (16) Morrisa (14) and Vickiann (12) and ya theres pretty mental and it's retarded living here!! Also my dad and her decided to have 2 more babies in 2007 and 2009....Vienna and Gladys!!! Yet they can't even take care of the children/teens they have now!!!! Like Why would they have babies when they have stressed out teens? ...

PARENTS (EVIL STEPMOM):::

I mean from 2006-mid 2010 life was good (yay still had a good fun childhood!!) , but then went downhill ya... Stepmom's an evil witch/b*tch wanna know why? : A few exsamples:::
- One time when I was 12 she told me to go to hell...wow...-_-
- She'll got mad at me for the LITTLEST things...like eating in the living room, not taking my shoes off at the door, changing channel when NO!S watching it ect....Then she gets me in troub with my dad, who if he was there wouldn't of gave a darn... But of course he sides with her and I get in trouble.
- In ard jan/feb ----- It started 3 weeks ago, after exams, the teacher told me my TERM TWO report card mark 55%, My first term mark last year was a 66%, I told Vickey I was getting a 55% in Science this Term 2 (About 3 weeks ago) and I said I would do better next term...Then comes 2 weeks later (Last week) I got my report card term 1 = 66% term 2 = 55% and she was like "You lied to me, you said you would do better next term" and I was like I didn't lie, next term has just started and she kept saying i lied, she wouldn't even listen to me...she told me to just give it up and get out of the kitchen! She still calling me a liar. Whats my marks matter to her anyway!!??.... She don't care b4!!!
- She always said she never does drugs...but I sure as hell have enough proof to prove that she does...Me and my siblings were right!!!! Pictures, we can smell the weed, seen MANY bottles of vodka!!! , caught her drinking actually!! . My dad said she does these drugs bc there from the doctor for her anger problems....A wth?! That's BS Because in 2009 and before, b4 she ever done drugs other then smoking she was more normal and "nicer" and way less anger problems back then and wwhen I caught her drinking it was with one of her friends she had over!!!! So that's a lie or well... there just making her into a even worser monster!!! :@ she's so mean/rude.
- Me and Shayne foundnude pictures of her all over her pictures on the computer -_- Also found out about her "secret" MSN account with her pfp of her nakd and talking to other guys in a "slutty" way...we told dad but he got mad at us!!!! :O ...He ALWAYS sdes with her...-_- There both disgusting sluuts..She always in shortshorts anyway disturbing and there always all kissing sick disgusting.... and they both have sex/porn magizens!!! and a book of "fun things to do when having sex" wow...... An few times I went by there room and they doing it :@!!!!
- My stepmom just sits on computer all day/getting high atleast 1-2 times a day or drinking//// yet gets all kinds of stuff like... Ipod/Laptops/Tv/Weed/cellphone/phone/ect.. .she just sells the tabocca....my dad makes the real money!!!!
- She had the gut to call me lazy because I lay on the couch, when i was watching a movie wow....and when i went to take more chips she called me a pig and I only had like a lil plastic baggy full....and that was a HUGE bag of chips!!!! The babies + them prob ate a crap load!!!


PARENTS (DAD/PERSONAL STUFF) :::

NEGITIVE ENCOURAGEMENT::::

***You say all never graduate, were to dumb and you'll be surprised if any of us do.

I will show you, I will graduate!! I will NOT become a failure like Willy/Shayne/ You guys ect... all did. Now your all up on drugs/stress over money. Like look your living off Foodbank/Family Check/Borrowing all the time/and mostly the bandhall giving us money... yet you guys still complain over money, your lucky you have that much. You guys are so dumb look at the people who graduated Highschool/went collage and got a job or even just people who graduated highschool, now they have real jobs and get paid enough to feed there family by themselfs! Buy a nice house! Buy a nice car that doesn't break every week! Can actually take there kids places for fun! Can eat out! Can vacation! We barely get to do any of that, because you guys don't have real jobs... So all take the graduating path, I don't want to be anything like you guys!!! I'm not gonna be a failure like you guys. (Sidenote: and when you do get some cash from people... you spend it buying stuff for animals or the bulidings....yet i need glasses...but noooo thats not important!!! Just because they give me a headache everyday and leave bad marks!)

***You say "you myswell stop saving for the States, it's not worth it, just a wasite of money and time! It's not the same there anymore, puls you won't beable to save that much anyway. Myswell go out and buy a new laptop or something."

Wow way to encourage me, normal parents would.It's not a wasite of money, because I'm saving up for a car/lisence to. An the fact it's a VACATION. (Sidenoite: Might stay there!) I know things have changed down there, atleast they actually love/care for me tho and want me to happy/succesful unlike you guys!! An maybe all even move down there...Because they care and it's torcher here! I will not go buy a laptop anymore that was just trying to push me down, it won't work!!! So go die.

YOU/GOD?::::

***You say that you love god and live by the Bible.

If you really loved God, you would pray, go to church/gospel, read Bible and encourage us to go!!! Good parents would force me to. -_- But ya you "live by the Bible" well times has changed, so get used to it!! You do now you don't even live by the Bible, things were A LOOOOOOOT different back then!!!!!!! An just because you sorta "Live by the Bible" That isn't oing to get you in Heaven, I'm not even sure your saved. I've heard you swear many time, you won't let the Lord guide your life- if you really wanted to quit smoking and wouldn't of came here with Vickey or atleast go Gospel with her! Gee! But nooooo you'd rather skip the word of god to "Live by the Bible" and how far has that gotten you anyway... Money issues eh. It might of worked well back then, but nowadays you can still live that way, just get a incredibly job!!! You can't live fully/happily money wise off your "live by the Bible" nowadays. Sorry. But it's still good to live that way, but you get it. Unless you lived in Nashville/Alberta or something and/or had a big popular farm...but no you don't!!! not at all!

SPOLING/DETROYING:::::::

You spoil the babies the most!! An everyone gets everything but me. You just call me lazy -_-

1- First parents litterally HATE me!!!!! like.....
My Brother SHAYNE::: He's 18 almost. He has an iPad he got for FREE for no reason at all in December 2010!!!! An just this pervious december got a Laptoip Netbook for Christmas!!! An he just sit's in his room ALL DAY (For like the past 3-4 years!...) playing on his iPad/Netbook he alays playing a game everyday....called GRAL or SIMS ect...He's pretty addicted I'd say!, Watching Youtube Videos, Facebooking, Twitter, MSN, G+, alwaays watching movies the day it comes out on his download thingy ect.... Also he's a highschool dropout from 2008 when he was in grade 9! Because of his addicted to the computer!!!....And back then he was such an attention seeker...my god... -_- He still is to this day, just moved it over to the vitral computer world............Ya! Also has cut himselfs many times a few yrs ago! But ya hardly ever leaves the house and only somewhat comes out of his room, his sleeping patterens are !**@! and everything. He eats a lot and doesn't have a job or do anything around the house. YET when he comes down my parents just "love" him, they make jokes, they think he's interesting, they talk to him (like there's nothing wrong with him still living at home at age 18, computer addict, no job ect...) they treat him like he's a friend! An he never gets in trouble anymore, they buy him stuff oscainally for nothing, ya and they sit there and listen to all the news and new technology and stuff he's found on the internet and take time to watch all his youtube videos........and actually interested!! They never ever watch my Youtube vids, the ones I ME actually made for them... Ya treat him like a friend and like he's living normal.

STEPSIS 1/4 - GEAN - Last week her phone broke so her dad bought her another one the next day, he buys her a new phone every month and HE always pays for it!! She has a laptop he bought her aswell!! And my parents (When shes over here only 50% of the time) for holidays they'll buy her all this exspensive stuff she wanted and then she'll get pissed at one of the persents and make them go buy her another... She looooves throwing fits/tatrums alooot....and all she does all day is NO work, parties alooooot, drinks, does drugs, failed grade 10 she has retake it with me........., also chillen with friends, dyin hair, getting in lots of trouble ectect...and shes usally the most out & about...not nesscary in a good way. An when shes home here or her dads...always on FB/games n stuff. She always gets her way....and she has repeatidly says she doesn't believe in God, hates him, swears n shiz.... Shes 16 btw! And btw none of my siblings have lisences yet -_- PArents make jokes with her, find her entertaining ect...

STEPSIS 2/4 - MORRISA - OMG... She got her Xbox stolen last week and got a new 500 dollar one for FREE the next day from her dad along with 2/ 30 dollar games!!! :O She has a cellphone (got for FREE) and a laptop she got from her dad for Christmas!!! And she already had a good working one!!! Yet she still keeps 2 now....!! If she gets mad she'll punch and break things....Like 1 of her old laptops from last year she punched it now the screens messed bad, then her phone she's threw repeatidly at the hall....because she was mad at it and ya she doesn't like something she'll rip it up or break it. Shes skinny as helll, she barely eats and when shes hear (Mon-Fri) she ALWAYS sits in her room alll day long playing Xbox/LAptop/Fb/Videos/ ect alll daaaaaaay long!!! For past 2 yrs. I think shes getting worst then my brother! Also she gets whatever she wants from my parents...(When I say 'parents' I mean Dad and stepmom #2...) Like she begged for days and days to get her lip pierced...to go to dance...to dye her hair...to get a new phone...to go over to her dads....ectecy...she always get her way!!! :@:@ With a lot of screaming and saying stuff liek "Your the worst parents ever I hate you go die in hell!!!" "mooooom!!" ya u get it ectect...... In the end she gets what she wants... She always says it born as hell here...yet she doesn't even leave her room! :@ .... BTW she 14 yr younger then me.. And p[arents.....well they like her to, they make jokes with her, never say anything bad to her much, or that she should stop being lazy or anything, they treat her like queen and should get all attention for her "funny"................. so annoying, but she lives in her room!

STEPSIS 3/4 - VICKIANN - Doesn't her name "explain it all" sorta..... Anyway first of all she also gets what she wants shes only 12...and her dad bought her an IPHONE for FREE for NOTHING!!! :O And a laptop for Christmas....She doesn't even know how to read barely, write barely, she cant even clean her room at all..., shes messy, mean, doesn't listen to what you say, you have snap get her attention :@ But noooo she gets what she wants!!! Sjhes just like a 5 yr old...-_- She alwaays playing games n on FB n stuff like the others....she does come down tho but just play w. babies, which she acts like one herself....-_- Trust me it's a annoying!!! An I always get msgs saying "is vickiann your stepsister she rly annoying and such an attention seeker...-_-"" YUP thats what I get!!! .... She"s careless about EVERYTHING!!!! An such a baby god!!!! :@ You don't even know....she has dyslexia! Spolied like the rest, just doesn't even have to complain...just gets it! -_- PArents love her for tending the babies even tho they babies 5 and 3 yrs old...they cry when w. her, yet still love her....... I actually buy them gifts, not mean w. them or anything...but noooo they end up hating me for the most part. -_- Guess it's whoever spends most time with them wins.....and I can only on weekends when stepsisters gone! But usally they go for drives with parents!..... But ya parents make jokes with her, treat her like friend, find her funny, don't say anything bad to her and always there "babysitter" big fun sister wow...

Ya I won't even go on with the other stepsis bc she hasn't been here for 6 months...hasnt lived here for yrs...so i wont get on that right now!!!

then MEEE : i have a computer that's an old 2004 make....I got in 2009!! Only computer I've had!! The USB cords don't even work, you can't download ANYTHING:/ or I'd have MSN back...,it's so slow nowadays :S, can't watch videos or play games unless you feel like waiting all day....and ya just a reg computer, can't upload pics bc no USB cords dont work and no memory slots.....Lucky I have my smartphone tho!!! (I've owned f4 phones....Nov 2009 got my 1st flip-phone///December 2010 got my 2nd slide phone///August 2011 got my 3rd smartphone///and then This month got my new smartphone phone...(Might sell it?) But ya 4 phones!!!!! I'd to work my but off for every single one of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And my computer I even had to work for a month to get that........:S
---My TV I got in 2008 my first one....all I had was the CBC channel...which played nothing good!! All I watched was Being Erica, because only good show on it! That only was on Monday nights at 9-10! So ya after that in 2009 I got a "better" TV...well same sorta, just had a cord thing you could plug in a cord in the back. So my dad hooked a cord up from downstairs TV in there room to mine upstairs and I got TV from satalite we use!! But I could only change if It was from down there and they changed it to black screen country music at night....... so ya had go downstairs everytim,e wanted it change fun NOT!!! So I only watched it if a good movie wqas coming on or show ... Also still watched Being Erica on that Monday! .... So ya watched it a little more ish.... But ya I had it like that from 2009-Dec 2011!!! (SEPT-DEC 2011 I watche degrassi season 11!) After they moved there TV to my little sisters room...and they watch TV constant!!! Yet the living room TV is 5 feet away from there room and can see right from there bed!!! YET they NEVER let me change there TV so I can watch up in my room!! gaaah....only once in awhile they did.... got sick of that!!! So ya thats when I watched BOY MEETS WORLD on my cellphone youtube, best show eva!! Smile But ya ever since March my TV hasnt worked at all!!!! Cord ripped......................and i had buy that cord!!!....................... so ya no TV for me :/ Ad haven't watched anything TV shows rly......idk might start one again soon idk!! sorry the TV rant..........................

Anyway ya I buy most my stuff, I work with my dad only getting 70 monthly....I have buy phon cards...(not anymore with smartphone!), shoes, cloths, movies,dances, stuff I want,ect...while everry1 eles gets for free...!!! this yr I've done Cadets/Church/Track/Work/read Bible/Read Hungry games.../Hung with friend/do lots drawings/made 8 youtube videos ect.....yet my parents says I'm the lazy one!!! And i don't do anything!!!! They just saying that because they HATE me because 100% sure out of all my 6 siblings living at the house I do the most!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm most productive !!!! For frig sakes.... There dragging me down tho with all this depression :'( am i strong enuff get up............


every once in awhile my dad says my voice sounds like a girl .... My voice is in changing process and no1 but hims ever said that and everything...and I am (,maybe) BI :/ (He doesn't know he'd kill me! yes bi!) And anyway he always say I act girly bc.......I like having a smartphone? Lots of boys my age have smartphones!!! I don't work alot this yr just sit on computer like a 'girl'? what well im gonna get back in habit!! Plus when im on computer im depressed/stressed trying fig things out!!! An when im in room i do more thern computer like exercizes/looots drawings/reading/writing/homework/fig things out/ect.......so hes a dumb.... And says im girly because I coimplain abt cloths and not wanting get em dirty?? Well I have seperate cloths for work!!! I'm not getting my school cloths dirty!....Maybe if you guys bought me cloths I wouldn't have this prob!!! but noooooo I have buy my own cloths so shut da facccck up!!!!! Also the fact i'm scared of hornets?? What only girls afraid of hornets? get a life!!!....

He always gooooing off about how gays are wrong/sinful and always making fun of them by acting "girly"......... like seriously grow up!!!! :@ Not all gays talk "girly" w/e that supposed to mean!!, wear makeup/worry about cloths/ scared spiders/snakes/hornets.... not all gays act girly ectect...some girls don't even do all dat stuff geee!!! Sorry Sterotypical....But i don't understand makes fun me for doing these little**** "girly acts" ....Yet my 3 year old sister is like some jock bad boy tom boy or something lmao...really guy like seriously!!! Yet never complains about her what the .... I think he keeps bringing it up, because he prob GAY himself!!!!! And gay is not a choice....(Don't think?..) but ya why eles he bring this stupid stuff up!!? like grow up...why keep bringing it up...!!! But he did grow up around 7 girl sisters/only 3 brothers...!! which were all older then him!!! I red ::: "The more older brothers you have the more risk of you being gay increases by 37% by each brother!!" Werid huh...but believable actually!! All gay people in my school have 1 or more older brothers that arent gay!!! I have an older brother and I only have ONE so thats prob why I'm just BI.... I just fig out I was BI this yr!! .. So ya my dad prob gay er something hes a such a jerk...!!!

Anyway they always blame stuff on me -_- Even stuff my siblings did....of course I get the blame!!!!!!! :@ Even if they see THEm do it AFTEWR they leave, they blameme, like if theres a mes they'll be like "Clean that up Ryan gee!!!" and all be like "But I didnt do it you just seen so and so do it!!" and theyll be like "Well it doesn't clean up itself someones going to have to do it like me!!! Your lazy!!!" wow eh?? ......... like didn't know I was the cleaner in the house.......not my kids can't tame themm why go ard being a [tramp] having more! :@............. piss me off

Anyway my stepsisters alwaaaays complaning to parents even after getting all this stuff and like from them. -_- They don't know how spoiled good they got it...wow... Yet they always complain/want parents to die/hate them to death/say there ruining there life ect.......I may really hate them sometimes and think* there ruining my life but I don't complain and shove it in there face. Yeeet they get all the love&stuff hdjjddbbfjjrfb .... . An then I'm stuck doing stuff& gettin hated and id on't say anything. I kinda don't want to tho. :S I'm trying not to become a spoiled attention seeker.....but i still don't think it's fair they treat them soooo much better for doing nothing but gettin in stuff there all such attentionseekers id say....lot more ppl is actually, some worse then others like my siblings.... Thats why Im trying* to stay away from seeking attention but wut u supposed do when u live family like this...sit ard n take it. Sometimes I want attention :s hate it here...wanna move...just not negitive attention like them!


I never ask them for anything that much other then Christmas & stuff. They usally buy what I want.d But I usally dont ask for much big....because I buy my own cellphones, don't want get a game console?:S anddont rly want a laptop....bc i already have computrr even tho sux w.e id prob be on the laptop all da time n not do anything...so dont want....lol. I guess if I did speak up/be mean to parents/ did bad stuff/complaned id prob get aloooot more...but id prob still be most hated.... But i dont wanna be like my siblings at the samee time..:S like ....idk how explain it I dont want to be spoiled....but they could atleast be fair .... And atleast share communication/love & respect...which my parent dont have! for me anyway. Just don't think it's fair they get the GOOD attention n all dis stuff yet I get the BAD attention n have work/buy my stufff.....Guess good 4 responsible the working/buyin part. Smile but then dont gotta treat ME only ME badly for no dang reason...then be nice to others.... That hate them like y would they hate them they just want more n more.....!!!!! Sry if confsing.


But whyd God make my life go fromliving in states with stepmom 1 stepbro / stepsis / & brother living a happy average life gettin even amount of stuff n REAL life them actully having a job at delivering newspapers/ cleaning some office and once at gas station. We got to go out n have fun life was awesome i was so healthy things were sperfect. N my stepsis/bro were amazig n fun Very Happy It felt awesome there n on soccer team my fav sport! Having awesome friends not being scared at all and love and eveything!!! Only lasted 2000-2006 age 3-8 .... Now my stepsis is graduated/went collage become doctor boss/now went bak to collage become a full doctor! She has asmartphone always an awesome car gr8 frieds shes known since childhood has been florida live in apartment use to hav her own house has a baby works at gas station,90s kid ect...she always having fun awesome life it seems shes extremly healthy n tries runeveryday sshes fit n everuthing life was gud down there. Even goes church. My stepbro....well he has friends/love/gf/baby/went to collage, but idk what he went for?/90s kid/ he does polo stuff do spining fire showz/ has smartphone has watched so many movies hasan apartment i think? is graduated n eerything there lifes so happy n perfect there... 29 & 26 for ages also he good at wrestling there always on da go for most prt seems like espcieally stepsis jerica.. . I want to be sucxesful like THEM! Unlike the siblings i live with!!!!!! My stepsisters at fathers right now! For weekends! Peaceful sorta!!!!!.. Everythingsstupid here!! Ppl gaaah but just noticed that this yr mainly -_- I wiah I could rewind to da states again :''''( I wish stepmom1 didnt have die of cancer :'(

SHYNESS/LOST ALL FRIENDS:::

From grade 6-8 I was most shy... I mean I talked to people if THEY talked to me first, but they usally got bored of me?, because I didn't really have anything to say ~ I mean I wasn't to shy I didn't walk with my head down or anything lol and I could talk in front of the whole school with no probs (Like persentations, plays, projects, ect..) But yea I was last to find partner in school (at that time*) because I didn't know who to ask, so I got stuck with dumb people. But yea I'm still shy, just not as much now, if people talk to me I can start a good convo with them now. (Most people) But I suck at going up to people, That I don't usally talk to much and starting a conversation. Also the hallways scare/make me nervous, that's why I don't spend lunches out there. -_- But if I see my friend in the hallway I can usally talk to them, (Most times)

My talking skills have improved quite a bit this year, with my new "friends" ... But thing is, of course I got into the wrong group!!! (All be using intitionals for ex...) W.W is about my closest "friend" but shes a !**@!/slut/witch"/annoying/mean/rude/ person...only "friends" with her bc she never stops talking to me and of course I feel into her trap of "friendship" there for a while...god I'm stupid!!! Wrong people!! What was I thinking Sad She's always mean to me... like when I tell her an interesting fact or say something wrong or terrible going on in life or say something funny ... she cant just be normal/nice and say something helpful or a normal comment back instead she says says "ok then" "mhm" "Your werid" "Your so Random" "OK, whatever?" ect...even if it's something serious or a problem or a joke w.e!!!!! She never helps me with my problems....she always brings up her problems which aren't even that serious!!! Like seriously your a freshman and you cut over relationships? ... Your young and think about me I have relationships and soooo many other problems to deal with you make my life look pathetic and worthless and dumb and horrible!!! Sad It's all about talking about guys with you and that's very annoying for me... I'm a guy, just because I'm bi doesn't mean I care about all dis ur girly stuff of urs.... And seriously with you, you date every guy you can get your haads on...She likes me so much and it's annoying, everyone would hate me if I go out with her and I don't want to!!! O.O She's after like every guy and flirts and kisses them and everything no joke!!!!....Also gets me to help her out with all this stuff (w.e she asks) and of course I actually do it bc shes controlling that way....but then after I do it she gets all pissed and mad at me!!!! Hey ur the one that pushed these probs onto me!!!! I don't even push mine onto you, she don't care anyway!!!! I'm done helping her and I gotta be a man and stand up for myself I don't gotta do stuff she says!!!!! She just starts more and more drama!!!!!!!! I don't wanna go dance with "her" ethier. So I don't doesn't mean I ditched!!!! Sluut (sorry) . And her religon wicca, I'm not a very religous person like I've told you. So please wish she'd stop bringing hers up, I'm easy to get influenced bc I'm dumb and I rly don't care about your "spells" .... Yournot magic!!! ---------- Ua you get it this persons werid and makes me crazy Sad 9No offense...were still friends I hope....just done being close friends with you...like I ever was tho...But ya your some "friend" sry but friends aren't as rude and mean) NOT FRIEND ANYMORE!

Also I haven't beenm hanging out with her much for about a week now!!!...thank god. :! Also haven't been letting her control me anymore!!!! I will stand up for myself .. some ex are:
1 --- The other day in gym class her, me, Steff, and Grant were all in a group for dance routine and W.W was using my phone for the dance! We were doing "Low" by Flo-Rida, of course that she picked and made up the very girly dance for!!1 slutty dance I'd say, I'm a guy gee!!! It shoulda been a song we all agreed on, but shes like w.e get used to it. But then me and Grant didn't do the dance because we didn't want to!!!! The next ay we were particiting are group got to go outside to partice and W.W has my phone with the music on it and there just doing there dance then they decide take a break and W.W like "IYou guys aren't going to dance! So you myswell just go inside, leave me and steff alone, we don't want you guys watching us, go make up your own dance!" And Im like "Fine then, give me back my phone" shes like "NO! We got to use it for are dance!" and Im like "Wwell I'm not leaving without my phone," So I go to grab it out of her hans tightly holding it and she's like "Back off Ryan" and im like "Forget you, it's my phone" Then grab it and leave.... Shes like "your a b!" and im like "Idc your a slut jerk!" Ik pree immature seen... but w.e she should no better....(MY PHONE)

WASN'T GONNA LET HER CONTROL ME AGAI AND TAKE MY STUFF!!! + HOW ELES WOULD WE DO ARE DANCE GEE!!!....)
2 --- I came to sit down in Health class (In the back of 4 desks) and W comes along to sit inbetween me and S. Then she's like "You should move, so K can sit here." ME: "No I sat here 1st so off! If you want to sit by him go sit somewhere eles!" Ya it went something like that I end up getting what I deserved both ways...lol Razz pree lame but ya I won't let her control me with her stupid agressive . She can grow up . Learn some manners. :/ I tryed to help her but failed..so idk if were friends, we still talk, but will nbever be "good friends" 9Like we ever were...) again. Which is good I think, she brought ALOT of hell/un-needed stress in my life!!! NO LONGER FRIENDS EVER!!!**

Anyways I guess I just gotta get use to all the shiz and BS of hs and some of the people in mine. -_- My Friend life isbecoming a little more clearly as the days go on I guess, tho. Gotta get use to drama/BS still tho. More. lol... Anyway I've made/kept a few great friends this year Smile and still have my not-so-close friends, but there still nice and give me that normal feeling once in a while, thanks!!!! (If u wanna no if were friends, just ask) .. Anyway ya lots of problems there and a bit on the stressed side :'( Not all the problems are gone away so forget it, I don't no whatta do bout my life? ... Sad I WISH some1 will pls help me I'm so stressed and confused ... sidenote:: i have NO friend at school at all now....because everyone hate me for hanging with W.W I screwerd up!! :@ And the 2 friend i do have there of course on drugs and nly tlk to mostly bc thur willow....but ya so porb will barely ever talk to them ... :/ And ya do drugs n get in major trouble.....so basically i have NOOOO friends at al!!)

BULLYING:::

Yea I get builled as well by aloot of grade 10&11 boys ... Some of them don't even know me!!!! Heres some of the things they said or did::
- "Nice coat Ryan" said in a high pitch annoying voice to piss me off.
- "Hey Ryan, it's twin day, you can be Miss Trimpers twin, hahahahaha" Just because I was talking to Miss Trimper about some drama group
-"Hey there Ryan guys, hahahahaha, hes such a gay kid, loser hahahahahaha" They were by the bus doors in the morning and they said that behind my back basically, just to make me mad..
-Then one time 3 people in grade 11 (I was waiting for the bus) and
for like 10 minutes waiting outside, they kept following behind me, even when I moved.. it was soo annoying ahh :@
-"Hey theres the shy kid, ryan. hahahahahaha" said some grade 10 person to all his friends while I was walking done the hallway, that was another one of the worst/embrassing days ever!!!!
- then 1 just the other day I was walking from the library to my homeroom and grade 11's were all up against ethier sides of the lockers laughing and shoving around (2 of them were) and then when I walk by there like "Hey ryaaaan! Wanna play? hahahaha" then he pushes me in the locker and everyone just laughs... It was embarsing I wanted to do something but I didn't want to get in more Sad
And theres many more, I could gone on............

HEALTH ISSUES:::

- I have or atleast had dandruff (mostly in 2010) it was bad... I think Itwas the shampoo I was using and alooot of stress from addictions/ no friends at school...well didnt talk much. (Grade 7 worse year..) But I got rid of it n got head&shoulders been working like a charm but for like 12 hrs after I get a bath/shower white stuff comes out of my head like dandruff...but i think its just dried shampoo bc once i wake up next day its gone...
- I have to wear glasses bc my eyes bare bad
- I'm starting* get out of shape again bc not many gym class/ workouts/ sports been doing lately...n i keep eatin 2 much stupid homemade bread/junkfood... but hopefully track will get me bak in shape. I haven"t been eating 2 bad this month ...
- My dad says we can only wash 2 times a week! :@,he only baths 1/month!!.. ugh






SOOOOOOOOOO YAAAAAAAAA ::

-I'm Bi
-I have very little friends atm :S
-My family HATES me sooo much !!
-I have those Health Problems....
-I'm sorta shy and have low Self-confidence is what makes me shy!!! I feel like im gonna be boring or do something wrong and I just get nervous. An feel like people will laguh at me (My family is no help, I'm lowest self-confident ard them actually, i think anyway! Because of there rudeness). Ya feel like I cant be myself...I feel like a freak :! hard to explain Sad
-I get bullied at school and basically home if that msot likely counts to.......
-I have a messed up family life
-ya sooo basically i mentioend the everything above and I really hope u can give me some feedback alot lol....if u can. Becaus tthis time Im litterally gonna write it down, take action and get my life in shape..... so ya pls help?? SadSad
---I hate Depression----
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replied November 25th, 2012
If you kill my stepmother, I'll kill yours.
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replied September 23rd, 2012
I don't have a reason to be depressed like a death or family problems, I just feel alone in life. I have really bad anxiety and I am very shy so I don't have very many friends that I actually see or hang out with and I never talk to girls. My family thinks I have problems because I just always want to be alone and get too stressed out to even go see a friend or do something 'fun'. I just think why should I keep living when there is nothing to live for? I just want to give up. If suicide isn't the answer then what is?
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replied September 26th, 2012
Im having a really sucky time at the minute I had an accident not that long ago a person ran out in front of my car they are fine but im worried that im going to go to prison I wasnt speeding or on my phone. My phone has been acting up for weeks now not recording calls not recieving calls I hope this doesnt come back to haunt me I really just want to dissappaer and forget it all happened.
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