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Am I exaggerating my problems? Husband + porn addiction + de

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I really need some advise....I must know if I am just exaggerating minute troubles in life or it really is something to affect me this bad and something I should be worried about.


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replied May 28th, 2007
Depression Answer A2774
You wrote: "Have been married for 4 years and have been trailing behind husband to Japan for work reasons. Have been away from home country almost all of my married life. We had to shift a number of times between home country and Japan, so with the language too being a problem, hardly found friends to keep company. Tried some language classes, but everything lasted a very short time cos we were being shifted back and forth. Friends too are quite difficult to hold on as everyone we meet is on a similar routine running back and forth between two countries. I used to be quite and outgoing person. Managed to spend almost 3 years without company whatsoever. First 6 months of our married life was typically fine...but following 2.5 years was quite rotten cos of husband's workoholism and porn addiction. We would hardly spend enough time together or intimacy to call it a marriage. That made me feel more lonely. But I still put up with it as I am not a quitter. B! ut had to deal with it all by myself without help (had no one to talk to about this at that time). Finally husband got into some sense, quite the porn addiction and came to a normal life work wise too. As such I have very irregular periods and have been pestering him for a while to go for a child. Also considering the fact that everyone in my family who had a child after 26 ended up with some or the other kind of complication. So I was quite paranoid about that, and planned to try and conceive before I completed 26. We and planned to have a child this year (took me quite some drama to get him to agree to that). But a month ago he was diagnosed with a Tuberculosis infection in his left lung. He is undergoing treatment for the same at a pretty good local hospital. We anyway do not want to travel home by air till his infection comes down well enough not to aggravate or affect others. And this also means we cannot try for a child till his medication comes to an end and we know its safe enough to try for a child. So sex is also on the "not to try" list for another 6 months. All through this time I could talk only to my parents and his that too over destant calls. Could not discuss certain other parts of life either. Have been ditched by friends all through my life... I used to be quite an outgoing person. Now I am this introvert...no idea who this person is!! I start crying over nothing...my husband has no idea what to do with me..leave alone what I want to do with me! I have this fear that the more I delay conceiving a child, the bigger the problems I'll have to face later. The thought that I have not been able to do a thing right in my life in the past 4 years scares me about the future too. I start stuffing myself with food every time I get lonely...as a result have been bloating and reducing from time to time. Now I am back on the rising trend. I really long for some company...someone to share my thoughts with. End up alone at home all day, having no self esteem or respect for my body...just lay around all day, stuff myself when ever I feel like and for no reason I start crying over the most insignificant issues...Sometimes I cry just because I have nothing else to do. I get so angry at times and lose control...sometimes even bang my head or hit something with my fist till it pains real bad and I calm down cos of the pain. Have no idea what I do when I get the rush. Husband seems too immature to deal with any of this...he just says things will get better. But I really think I am getting worse day after day and this really scares me bad."


Given the symptoms you describe of excessive eating, “crying over the most insignificant issues”, “get so angry at times and lose control”, self-hurting…, you are probably experiencing some type of anxious-depressive disorder. There are few environmental factors, besides personality, that can contribute to such a condition. First of all, it seems that you are very lonely and have no occupation. You have no job, children or friends that can occupy your time somehow. It seems your husband doesn’t spend much time with you, either; his work may be an excuse. Porn-addiction may also indicate a lack of interest in reality and focus on a fantasy life. It seems a step in the right direction now that he's quit porno-addiction and you’ve convinced him to have children. Children and the role of mother can give you a new motive in your life. Most of medications used to treat tuberculosis can harm a fetus, but your husband is ill, not you, so this does not seem to be a real concern. In order to start to try to get pregnant, however, you should consult your gynecologist about this. At the least, you can have sex on the fertile days of your menstrual cycle, or 14 days before your next period is due to arrive.


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