Hi, I'm a 17 years old guy. I was hoping someone could offer some input into my situation.
Truthfully, I don't even know if I'm really depressed. I've just recently taken several online tests, and they all said that I might be suffering from moderate depression. I don't know. I've never really talked to anyone about it, and I've put forth good effort to make people think that I'm ok. The fact is that I have been relatively unhappy about my life and who I am for at least two years now, maybe longer. I think that my life may have always been unhappy, but I just didn't realize it. I can remember some times in my life that I was happy or felt proud of myself. But I can't really say that I feel proud, happy, or satisfied with anything I've done in the past. I think that I've always assumed that I was different from everyone else ever since I started kindergarten.
I believe that the source of my problems is how I was treated and how I reacted when I was very young. I had five older brothers that never respected me, would always insult me, call me fat and ugly several times a day, treat me like I was worthless, like no one cared about me, and would criticize everything I did. This was all when I was between the ages 4-10. My mom would always try to make me feel better; I don't think it ever really helped. And I never talked to my dad. I don't know why (he wasn't a mean person in any way), but I was afraid of him until I was about 9 years old; after that I simply detested him.
I believe that things like this that happened to me when I was younger have caused me to have my problems today. I have a hard time having a conversation with my friends, let alone strangers. And don’t even think my friends would be willing to talk to my about my issue. I avoid saying anything that isn't literal because I have a very hard time expressing my emotions, so people usually think I'm being serious when I'm not. I feel inferior to others all the time, even though I know that I'm not. I take just about any criticism hard, and I often don’t believe compliments about me. I have a hard time trusting people. And it seems to me that no one thinks the way I do and that no one really, truly likes me.
And these things, among others, have lead me to act in ways that I have thought would allow people to accept me. But in recent years I've felt that even though people have accepted "me", it's never really been me. So now it feels like no one really knows who I am, and I've spent so much of my life trying to behave like everyone else that I can’t tell when I’m being myself and when I just acting or which thoughts are mine and which are those of my friends. So, heading towards my senior year in high school, my sense of my own identity has become obscure.
I don’t really care if I ever live a life as happy as everyone else’s seems to be, and I could live with this problem without ever telling anyone, except now it seems that I spend a third of my time awake(and a lot of my time asleep) obsessing on my issues. I can’t focus on something for more than 5 minutes without drifting off into a daydream about my problems. These daydreams often involve me and another person talking (mostly me) about my problem and what I would say if I actually had to tell them. I could stand having this problem, but with it always in my head, I’m wasting so much of my time and I know that I could do so much more with my life if I could just get these thoughts to stop. I can’t afford to waste all this time doing nothing. I’ve tried not thinking about these things, but that hasn’t been very successful. After a while of avoiding these thoughts, I think a part of me starts to actually want to feel depressed, and I’ll sometimes loose hours out of my day to thoughts of depression.
And the worst part is that because I’ve never talked to anyone about this in my life, I’m not even sure if I have a problem, or if I’m normal and am just making a mountain out of a molehill. Since I don’t feel like there’s anyone I can really talk to, I welcome any input someone out there could give me, even if it’s that I’m not depressed and I have some other issue.
Did you find this post helpful?
|

replied May 4th, 2007
Hey
I'm 17 too. I understand where you are coming from. It seems like to me you are very unhappy.(I'm sorry to hear that) If you have been this way for over 2 years then I would say it is depression. I know how it feels to have nobody to talk to. I'm in the same boat you are. I'm sorry that they treated you that way. If you need somebody to talk to, I'm here.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 5th, 2007
Thanks for your sympathy. Feel free to tell me your story too. It'd be useful to know someone else's expreiences. And just see it in writing seems to help a little.
The problem with what I said yesterday is that, now that I feel a little better, it seems a little harsh. I know that's the way i felt yesterday, but maybe the things I remember from my past is effected by what my condition. The things I said are not always the way I feel, but it seems like most of the time. But overall, I can't really remember what I was feeling in my memories, so I'm not sure if it was better or worse than how I remember it.
Something that I touched on before that (I hope) is abnormal is that I constantly have conversations with other people in my head. In thee fantasies of mine, I usually get the hugs and sympathy that should be getting in real life, and I think this may actually trick my subconcious into believe that I am getting help. Even though these daydreams alleviate the situation some, I make me dependant on them to feel better, which is a kind of catch-22 because it often makes me think too much about my problem, eventually making me feel depressed again.
So I guess what I need to do is try to stop the daydreaming and have some real conversations with people I care about. Easier said than done because, like I said before (and it's a shame that your in the same situation) that none of my friends really know how to have a serious conversation. They're so used to me cracking jokes, which I sometimes do just so people don't think I'm feeling unhappy, that they start laughing when I begin to mention something, because they don't think I'm being serious.
Well that's all I feel like saying for now, thanks for reading.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 5th, 2007
When you are a child, we tend to believe the hurtful things that are said to us. Was anyone in your family an alcoholic? I'm asking because your comment about "feeling different" from everyone else is a common response from children of alcoholics.

Have you considered counseling? It helped me immensely when I was about your age. There is nothing to be ashamed of and it is someone who can offer you an unbiased opinion and help in dealing with the negative feelings.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 6th, 2007
No. No one was an alcoholic. I guess what I'm talking about is that I usually feel/felt inferior to others because I had five older brothers that were better than me at everything and were often discouraging. And I still take insults pretty hard, while I can't usually tell if people are being sincere when I'm complimented.
I guess there are two reasons why I haven't gotten counseling yet: my mom would worry about me constantly (which I guess is a pretty crappy excuse and I’m starting to realize that), and I’m not sure that I have a problem. I’d say a good portion of the time I feel the way I mentioned before and I know for sure that something’s wrong. But sometimes I feel ok, and I think to myself that I was just overreacting to something and that I probably don’t have a problem. The rest of the time I just don’t know.
I’m going to try to talk to someone pretty soon. I have to because I’m really getting sick of it, and I’m too busy to be spending so much time being unsure of myself.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Must Read
Do you know how doctors define clinical depression? Learn more about this brain disorder and types of depression that doctors diagnose here....
Can depression run in families? Can hormones really make you depressed? Yes! Learn more about causes and conditions of clinical depression here....
People with depressive illnesses do not all experience the same symptoms. Do you know the signs and symptoms of depression? Read on to learn more....