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Anyone Been Molested Or Raped And Finding It Hard to Cope? (Page 1)

I was at least seven when it began. My biological father molested me until I turned 18 and moved out of the situation myself. Where was my Mother you ask? There... physically but not at all mentally. There were times were my Father would be raping me while she slept pissy drunk right next to us. I have so many horrible memories of hundreds of occasions where these things happened. Now, at the age of 24 I have issues with depression, suicidal thoughts, and just feelings of worthlessness. And to top it off, i was just diagnosed with a rare muscle disease. Im all messed up. I need some hope. I look to God, but it seems he only hears you when its too late. When youve completely given up. I remember asking on several occasions in my prayers for him to help my Father see what pain he was actaully causing. That realization never came. Im just going on and on as sort of an outlet so that I dont explode!! Can anyne relate?
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replied March 2nd, 2007
Experienced User
I can not relate but I think you need to seek help. To never get out that this has happened to you and to give your father a slap in the face for what he has done to you I think it may just eat you alive forever. You should really talk to a councelor or even maybe someone from your shurch that you can trust. Your father needs to know what he has done was wrong it's not good to let him get away with it. I know you are now out of that situation but what is he finds another inocent child to place harm upon. I know you would not want to see that happen. I understand that this would be very difficult for you to do but you pulled your srtength together to get out from under that now try to get the strength to speak to someone about it to bring it to a close as much as possible. If you just need to vent to someone you can always PM me at anytime I will listen.
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replied March 2nd, 2007
Experienced User
Hey, I also can not relate to you but I also really want to help you. What you have endured can be one of the worst things that anyone has to go through, especially when the person causing it is a loved one and someone that is supposed to protect you. I am in agreeance with the HeatherCarl in the fact that you need to talk to someone....whether it be your mum, counsellor, a trusted friend, church friend etc

It really makes me mad hearing things like this, it makes you wonder why they do it and how they cant see its wrong?? I would really urge you to come forward and tell the police so hopefully it will not happen to someone else.

Anytime you want to talk, Im here for you! I wish you all the best in trying to get your life back on track!!
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replied March 2nd, 2007
I Did Something About It But Why Doi Have Guilt?
I did eventually prosecute and he went to jail for 3 years. I do not regret doing it but I have felt guilt a while he was in. He was in my dreams making me believe it was somehow my fault that this happened and I was wrong for making him suffer. He told he he didnt belong there. The hardest part was facing him at the trial. I attempted suicide soon after. Not to mention most of my family disowned me including my nother. When he got out, my Mother even let him back in her home!

I have seeked counseling and i helps but they can never tell me how I feel because that havent been what ive been through.
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replied February 27th, 2012
I can relate to you in some way my grandfather molested me when i was 5 all the way to when i was 9 i was living with my abusive grandfather that i was terrified of and my grandmother every night he when my grandmother would go off to work he would take me in to the next room and do what he wanted with me that was the hardest thing he said that if i told any one then he would kill my family and everyone that i loved and ass a 5 year old u believe that i wish i had the courage to stand up to him no i cant sleep i am terrified of men include my father who has never done anything to me but i am i have nightmares every night and i can't go to sleep for days at a tyme im glad that u are getting ur life back some of what he took from u i cant say it will ever get back to normal because it didnt happen to me im still faces what he has done to me keep in touch and im always here if u need to talk
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replied March 2nd, 2007
Experienced User
Yeah I totally agree, its always better to be talking to someone that has been through it. I do congratulate you for prosecuting your father as it would have been such a hard thing to do! It also makes me angry that he was found guilty and only got 3 .Y.E.A.R.S?!?! He has given you a life sentence!

Your mother is probably still in denial and doesnt want to admit that she believes your father did it to you. It is very hard for people to accept that family members are not always good people!

Is there any support groups around where you are that deal with rape/molestation??
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replied March 3rd, 2007
Wow
I am so sorry you had to go through that, I cant even imagine. My heart goes out to you. Have you been to maybe a group where others have been through the same thing. It always helps to know your not alone. Maybe you could use your experiences to help other girls in your situation.
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replied March 3rd, 2007
Experienced User
You absolutely did the right thing by prosecuting him and sending him to jail!..................he should have got more than 3 years and your mother is culpable too.................parents are supposed to protect and love their children...........not to make their lives miserable. It's necessary to talk to a trusted person............whoever you choose............for those times when you need to talk it out.....and yes, every rape victim is a different experience..........no one can truly understand what you've been through. You may find another who is a victim of incest too.........but it's never the same............you have your own personal nightmares.......your own pain.

It's also necessary not to drowned in the past or as you say have "hope"...........where does hope start?..........by taking control of your life.............by making things happen.............don't know where to start?...............pick someone you've always admired and learn everything about this person
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replied March 6th, 2007
Thanx So Much...
To everyone that has commented and took the time to give me positive feed back...THANK YOU!! I really appreciate it and it really means alot to someone like me that hasnt had very much positive feed back at all.

As for support groups, I havent really looked into that but that really seems like something that could help. And I would love to inspire or help someone that has been through the same thing I have or that is possibly still going through it.

Tell the truth though, I expected more people to have actually experienced what I been through. I sometimes feel like Im the only one, but I guess in a weird way, thats a good thing, Huh?
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replied March 20th, 2007
i can relate to you very well. i was molested by my brother for 5 or 6 years. what makes situations like ours more difficult is the involvement of our actual family - our BLOOD. first of all, youre ashamed, embarrassed, and when your own family members sit there and literally watch it happen and not even so much as offer you consolation when its over, you feel like maybe the problem is you. maybe its not a big deal and youre just overreacting. maybe just letting it go is better than doing something about it because theyre your blood and maybe you owe them something for that?

my scars from this experience will forever be reflected in every relationship i have in my life. because of the men that have let me down from this, i will always be one to seek male attention no matter the cost (i.e. sleeping with a friends boyfriend). not to mention sexually it will always be an issue. there are times ive had to push away because memories kept flooding back, and of course the more you tell yourself not to think about it you do anyway. im also more prone to addiction, because it provides a kind of security. its like my mind is so used to never have stability or anyone to ever help me carry any weight, but this drug is there whenever i need it and never fails to fill that hole in my heart. im a great person - im incredibly talented intelligent, i have a lot of friends (no one close enough though), can make just about anybody laugh, and am the strongest ive ever been, and that strength only grows each day i take a breath. but all these wonderful characteristics are never enough to soften the blow when dealing with issues in my past such as this.

i didnt finally begin talking about what my brother did to me until it came back to me all of a sudden when i was being intimate with my boyfriend at the time. he was the first person who knew besides my parents, and the first person to ever react in a way that one is supposed to react when hearing this kind of situation. he held me when no one held me before. he let me cry and told me it wasnt my fault. he insisted it wasnt NORMAL and i wasnt overreacting. weve since split, but to this day we are each others best friends; i would do anything in the world for him. hes the only person in my life that ive ever been able to depend on should i have to. after our incident, i finally told my psychologist who i had already been seeing for three months. she was shocked that i didnt divulge such information earlier on. ive now been seeing her for four years and have been taking prozac for the same amount of time. if it hadnt been for my therapy, who knows where i would be today.

i got lucky - it takes many people a long time to find an outlet for their mistreatment. i can tell you one thing, from reading your posts i dont have any doubts that youre not too far away from progress. i know saying im sorry for what happened to you isnt too helpful even though its appreciated. but i will say this - for what youve been through, you have a hell of a lot of courage and strength to be able to seek help instead of letting it control you and lead you into a downward spiral. thank god youve taken the initiative - self sympathy produces no results. rest assured that you've made it out alive from something that would have torn others into pieces. be confident knowing that not many people have experienced what you have, because your endurance and perserverence will be what holds you above others. i dont mean this condescendingly; im sure you know what i mean when i say this - when you meet people and you feel like you are so different than them, like you've lived 1,000 lives and here they are, standing in front of you as if naive was tattooed on their forehead. thank god we all dont have to experience such trauma, and thank god that some of us do. we were built to be strong enough to handle the obstacles thrown our way. some of us buckle under the pressure and some of us don't. i can tell you are one that falls under the second category.

youve already taken the first initiative. you can only handle so much without the help of others; seek that help before its too late. find a psychologist - not yet psychiatrist - that is covered under your insurance policy if you have one. if you see them and dont think theyll be what you need, then look for another. keep looking until you find someone you're comfortable with and gives you a sense of security. its worth the search once you find them. after a couple sessions, they will most l ikely give you names of psychiatrists they recommend. that way instead of looking one up in a phonebook, youll be given a name from someone with whom youve already established some trust.

there is no solution to the past - everyday will always be a challenge. happiness doesnt come in the form of a pill, but with hard work and outside help. what does come in the form of a pill? - a cane. you only walk with it just in case you lose your balance, and when you do, its right there to hold you steady. for me, prozac didnt make me happy. but when things happened that would normally cause me a lot of distress and panic, instead i was able to look at the situation objectively and realize that im worth more than the actions of those who hurt me. it smoothed out my instinctive actions and keeps me level. hopefully youll be able to find this stability as well.

best of luck, jason. keep your chin up, and be proud of yourself for surviving. you will still have trouble meeting many people who can relate, and sometimes its what prevents you from establishing close relationships with friends. but there will be some that you meet that if they cannot directly relate, they can provide an embrace of understanding, which sometimes is all you need. do what you can to help yourself be at your best - afterall, our experiences have shown us, if nothing else, that no one in this world will be able to have your best interest at heart more than yourself. so take care of number 1, because no one else will do it for you. dont let the past control your actions in the present - dont avoid looking for happiness because of it, but rather hunt it down in spite of it.
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replied April 6th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
I'm sorry about what you've gone thru, as a teenager I was molested in a subway train at first I blamed myself because to me I could have been the cause - smile at him and maybe I gave him the wrong signal (so that's why I hardly smile at anyone) it happened in front of many people but no one help there was even a guy who just smile at me and the molester. He (the molester) look so decent so would have thought that he could rub his hand on my bossom. It got me angry for a while but then I told myself that I didn't ask for it and I'm not at fault. The culprit is a jerk who take advantage of me! Take care...
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replied April 16th, 2007
I am one person that can TOTALLY relate to your problem. My dad raped me for 6 years. I too moved out of the house the day I turned 18 to get away from the sick pig. I have dealt off and on throughout the years, but it really came to a head when my twin daughters turned 9, the age I was when the abuse started. I have engaged in many unhealthy ways to cope. Cutting, drinking, drugs, bulimia. I have lived a pretty rough life at times. I have been in counseling for 7 years. It is turning around now. I no longer blame myself, but that takes a long time to get over. Be patient with yourself and treat yourself well. You deserve the best!!! If you want to pm me, I'd love to hear from you!
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replied May 8th, 2007
Thankx Again
All of the positive support has really helped me believe it or not. I wasso afraid to talk about it because i felt I would be judged. Please continue to comment.
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replied May 10th, 2007
I WAS RAPED AT THE AGE OF 14. I AM 30 NOW. IT WAS BY SOMEONE WHO WAS 18 A SENIOR IN HS. I DID AN 8 WEEK PROGRAM WITH A GROUP OF OTHER GIRLS . I DID IT TWICE. THAT REALLY HELPED ME A LOT. SITTING INFRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE WHO WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING HELPS SO MUCH. THEY TOTALLY GET WHAT YOU ARE SAYING. PLEASE TALK TO SOMEONE OR FIND A GROUP TO JOIN. I AM HERE IF YOU NEED ME.
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replied May 10th, 2007
I think that maybe a group thing could help me. I have been trying to convince myself that I am over it but my pain lies so deep that I dont think I can ever get past it. Also, the fact that so many things in my life that are negative stem from my past doesnt help. Everytime I see them I am reminded. Whether it be my little brothers that are smoking and not doing well because my Father wasnt there for them because i put him in jail. The fact that evertime my Husband touches my daughter i am analizing theyre every move. My body, my mind, my heart are all scarred and I dont think they can heal. I cry because I dont want to see these things in my head, and I get angry because Im not strong enough to just go on with my life. Im so sad because it is not fair to my husband and children that I want to die because that seems like the only way to stop the pain. Im so sick of hurting and feeling sorry for myself. Im done...
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replied August 18th, 2009
i sort of know what your going throuh is happend to me bye a family friend i happend to me around the age off 6 i told my mum when i was about 9 but she never belived me i was so sad but then more gils came forward it was happening till about 12 im still at a really young age now and im really depressed i cut my self and i fell so alone......
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replied August 18th, 2009
any one else like this that can help?
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replied August 18th, 2009
miks4 wrote:
any one else like this that can help?
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replied August 18th, 2009
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replied August 18th, 2009
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replied August 18th, 2009
THE PERSON THAT DID IT TO ME IS GETTING A LIFE SENTENCE IM SO SORRY THAT YOUR DAD ONLY GOT 3 YEARS HE SHOULD HAVE GOTEN MORE
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