Although I don't let anyone see, inside I'm an emotional wreck. On the outside, everyone always says "You always have the same face on!" no one can ever tell If I'm happy or sad, joking or serious. In the last year, I have lost the closest people to me, all in different ways. My girlfriend of 2years and I broke up, who I still deeply long for. My father basically died, his mother (my grandmother) died of a heart attack due to her son's passing. My younger brother moved out of state to live with relative's. I honestly only have myself at the moment and a few friends whom at one point I considered family.

Latley, I don't know if the way I feel is normal. With the passing of my grandmother and father. Not one tear fell from my face. I thought I was in shock or abnormal. A few times It felt like everything was going to come out, and I almost broke down in front of my ex's sister. (me and the family still communicate).

There is a feeling inside me, I can't explain it. It's like I'm blocking everything in the world. But it's itchings it ways out to the surface. I have felt like screaming and letting things out. But no one but myself to listen to. IS this normal? Feeling empty / no remorse and/or sympathy for others? I was told "I'm keeping everything in" and that "its going to all come out sooner or later". Am I going to break down?
I have been unable to get sleep. I sleep for 3-4/hrs a night. I go to college, I go to work, to the few friends I have and my class/work mates, I put on a fake smile and act like everything is geat. But in reality, I don't think anything is.
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replied March 2nd, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
I'm sure your college has someone that you can talk to about this, or at the very least they could recommend somone. Sounds like you need to get some things off your chest, and deal with things. You can't bury yourself in activities to busy yourself, because yeah you're right you will break down and it won't be pretty.

Good luck to you
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replied March 3rd, 2007
Experienced User
Your father and grandmother love you very much!................I know when I pass..........I do not want my love ones to mourn me but to celebrate the time they had with me............don't worry you will breakdown and it will probably come at the most inopportune time.......you won't it expect it..........it'll just happen.............and yes it's very common...........your not made of stone..........your just human and the survival mechanism kicks in to protect us from overload and hurt............don't rush yourself and don't blame yourself for anything............they have long ago forgiven you for anything you are now punishing yourself for........................may not know much..................but I do know they are with you right now and they want the very best for you Smile
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replied March 4th, 2007
I felt just like you do when my father and my aunt who was like a surrogate mother to me both died a month apart and the remainder of my family moved away 4 months later. It took me almost 4 years to finally break down and it scared the hell out of my wife and son, I was always the rock of Gibraltar and nothing phased me,truly stoic and not very emotional except for anger and rage. I should have sought counseling for my issues but I allowed them to fester and put a big strain on my marriage as well as all of my other relationships; friends, coworkers etc. Please go get help before you let it destroy your life, "No man is an island" no matter how strong you think you are. You are in shock associated with grief and you need help.
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replied October 11th, 2010
I am very much sorry for your story. Its really sad but its life. I also have not an easiest life... But you must understand one thing. Time is running... And its neseaccery, absolutely nesecarry to start living again. I would recomend you to visit playmycam. com. Its web resourse which is helping to lonely and lost people to find other people with cams in their region. It can be not just fun. Its also very usefull. I have meet my bf on this website and back to life after i have lost my 1st bf in a car crash.
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