Medical Questions > Mental Health > Depression Forum

26 Never Been On a Date/never Had a Girlfriend. (Page 1)

I'm 26, i've battled depression my whole life, i've always wanted a girlfriend. Since I was 13 or 14 years old. I am from a very troubled family, and I had a very difficult childhood. In highschool, I lacked the confidence to walk up to a girl in my own school district. I actively met girls in other school districts who I tried to date. I played basketball, i'm tall.. 6'4, 190 pounds. I'm not fat at all. But I have a crooked nose, and well. I'm not gifted in the "fashion sense" I dress nicely though. I wear genes and sweaters. I'm honest, and I have good values. I have very high self-esteem, I am not afraid to walk up to a girl and ask her out. I've asked out women of all age groups, weights, heights, well.. To better explain that, there are two various ways to try to meet women. In person, and over the internet. If i'm going to meet a girl in person, say at a bar, I will walk up to her and ask her if she'd like to have a drink with me, and she'd either say no, or yes and drink it, pretend she'd be interested in me and just walk away. I've recently quit drinking, so now I meet girls in places like the library, when I go out to eat, coffee places, through friends. And the way I approach them is I shake their hand, I introduce myself, and I try to engage in a normal converstation with them . I don't mention sex, or how atractive I find them, in very rare cases if a girl is very beauitful I will tell her when I meet her that I think she's very beauitful but it ends there because they tend to get very uncomfortable if they think you want them for sex. But, what always seems to happen is they will either give me their number, and refuse to pick up the phone, or take my number and never call me. I've had girls tell me to my face that i'm ugly, I had a girl tell me i'm a loser, and I should go find some huge fat girl to go home with. *her words not mine*. I've had girls turn and walk away the second I said something too them, i've expierenced all kinds of rejection, and i've heard all the speeches. Its my personality, its the way I dress, its my hair, its my intensity, its my lack of grit *which is very similar to intenstiy isn't it??*, i'm too needy, I let them walk all over me, i'm too assertive. Blah blah blah. And i've heard all the speeches that if its meant to be it will happen and all that other crap. Those are canned answers that were invented in 1672 and I really don't want to hear them k thx. I mean, seriously don't patrionize me, i'm 26 years old i'm educated, and i've finally hit my melting point. I know many people do not provide pictures when they make posts like this, don't worry.. I will. The truth is I am very angry as I write this. I was beaten yesterday, I had a concussion. My head is pounding, and i'm in a bad mood, I am running a fevor and its freezing cold in my house. So bear with me, I was always told taht I wasn't selective enough, that i'd ask out any girl who was nice too me. Because of how obviously desprate I was, girls did not find me atractive so I thought to myself who do I like the most, and I concentrated on that one girl. And bamn it hit me like a slap on the face. What do I need to get this girl to see that i'm serious about her, and that I really care about her? Well, raging alcoholic me, who hadn't gone more then 29 days without a beer in 6 years, and hadn't gone more then 2 days without having at least 12 in the past year, decided to go through alcohol widthdrawl. It was a good time, but I did it. I am on day 44 now. I smoked pot every day while I drank beers, so I smoked pot too, at about the same time, actually a week sooner. I had low self-esteem, so I went on effaxor, and started therapy. My self esteem has sky-rocketed. Before, I had what I would say was a below average, self esteem, now i'd say i'm on par with those aarogent jocks with huge muscles who have to fight off girls with sticks.

The fact of the matter is, for all the mistakes girls tell me i've made, I have read emails that other, good looking guys who get plenty of dates have sent to their girlfriends, i've heard what they have done to theri girls, cheating on them, hitting them, abusing them verbally, threating to kill them, telling them they hate them, calling them whores, calling them sluts, wishing physical pain upon them. Yet these guys continue to get chances that I would and can only dream of. Why is that? Duh, its because of what they look like. I am a 4.3 on hotornot, and a 5.0 on facethejury, you can be a 6.5 or a 7 and find somebody, you can't be a 4 or a 5. It's the difference between socially acceptable and well socially not acceptable. Let me put it this way, if kid 7.0 gets invited to a party by a girl, her friends talk to him, aren't really impressed with his looks but welcome him as part of the group, get to know him and accept him which creates an oppurtunity for this guy to date one of these girls down the line. When a 5.0 gets invited to a party, he gets ignored, well crap *i* get ignored by people, and I stand in the corner watching other people play the amazing race, as in the girls run to the best looking guys, and I end up watching from the corner, the worst part about it is that now since I don't drink anymore, I can't even play beer pong. It sucks. It really does i'm not going to lie. Now with the internet, some girls will talk to me, some will not. I've only met one girl off the internet however, and she had sex with me and never saw me again. She had half a mustache, was fat and about 5'3. I didn't care because I thought that I had a chance with her, apparently I was wrong, she just needed some action. Other then that i've made a lot of online chat buddies, but i've never actually met any of them in person, they have a wide varitery of excuses, they are too busy, they think meeting people online is creepy, but most of them have really done it. One girl was going to meet me, one girl I still talk too today, she wanted a new picture of me, I shot it and sent it to her, she looked at it and told me she didn't want to meet me anymore. She knew what she had to know. She knew what she cared about anyway. That was that.

Now this girl, her friends think i'm creepy, and they don't want me around her house. So i've never been invited. I don't even know where she lives anymore, and we used to be neighbors... Heck before I told this girl how I felt, I saw her on a regular basis. We were real friends. Its amazing how an i'm interested in you from an ugly guy can wreck a perferctly good friendship. Gosh darn people like me who speak out of turn, and actually feel we deserve some lovin too. Anyway, none of them know me, or have really talked ot me but they all think i'm creepy, they all hate me and since they don't want me around, she won't invite me over. She won't call me on the phone, so I don't know her phone number. Its been so long since i've heard her voice, that I can't remember what it sounds like anymore. Problem? Yes, I loved her so much when we were friends, that I haven't been able to get over her. I just want to feel the way I did when I was sitting with her.

The conclusion i've come too? It's better to hit on a million chicks you don't know, then one you love because even though its more socially acceptable, the results are the same.. But the fact is, it hurts more, and not even close, but like 10000x more to get rejected by someone you love, then it does to get rejected by 10,000 people you don't know. It's not really fair to ask an ugly guy who's 26 years old not go from one girl to another, hey i'm trying to find someone here. It's the amazing race and i'm getting my ass kicked. 13 year olds are beating me, I haven't even been on my first date yet. I didn't go to my prom because nobody would go with me, the rest you can leave to your imagination. Is ashley a once in a life time girl? Yes, absolutely, do I love her, yes I do. Was she worth spending 6 months of my life praying she'd give me a chance, quiting drinking, quiting smoking pot, and going on anti depresents for? No she wasn't. Because no matter how hard I tried to chance she didn't really care. It didn't change her outlook on me, and it didn't help her to pick up the phone no matter how badly I wanted her too. People think i'm stupid but i'm not, I only ask people for advice because I need new strategys once in awhile... Anyway, I am glad I quit drinking and went on pills for the simple reason that I feel better since I did it, but it did not, I repeat, did not help me find a girl.

Fact : a girl would rather be with a convicted wife beater who looks good then with me. I've been there, i've done that. I've seen it. It's pathetic, but its true.

Fact : guys are no different, I do let girls walk all over me at times, I let them verbally abuse me until the cows come home because that little voice in my head says mabye she'll like me, mabye she'll like me if I just let her yell at me. She wont. Guys gotta watch taht stuff. Can't let no girls yell at you. If she yells at you she wont ever date you. Shes just using you as a darn punching bag. And i've been used that way a ton. Fix my pc, drive me to the store my car broke down, buy me a drink, blah blah blah. It happens.

Fact : desprate guys divert and specifically go after girls who aren't atractive, guess what I went through that phase too, you know what I found? The ugliest girl at my college wouldn't go out with me because she had a huge crush on tony the muscle man. Tony the muscle man talked mad trash about how ugly and stupid she was behind her back, but she didn't care he was hawt! I actually was completely in to this girls personality, and needless to say although I did not love her, I liked her a lot and she hurt me really bad. She also destroyed my reputation at that school. I was now the guy who got turned down by laura thomas. I was offically dog crap in the eyes of everyone who went there. I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

My head hurts I can't type anymore, i'm back at square 1, and i'm frustrated and depressed as heck. Its gonna take me some time to bounce back from this and to come up with a new strategy. So I thought mabye we could come up with it together, all you people who know everything can tell me what to do and if I haven't tried it i'll do it. The only thing I will not do is compromise my values. I will not, lie to girls, if a girl asks me something I will tell her, I will however widthhold infromation if she isn't interested in knowing it. But if I feel the infromation is approproaite to give i'm going to give it, for example, i'm 26 if i'm out with a 20 year old i'm going to make sure she knows how old I am. Because even though 6 years is nothing to me, it might be to her. However if i'm out with a girl who hates germans, and i'm half german i'm not going to volunteer that infromation unless she asks me. I mean thats just an example. I'm sure you understand what I mean.

I want my first girlfriend, and I want to go on my first date. I want that person to be ashley so bad.. But the more I go on with fighting for her the more I realize she just isn't giong to budge. It's the laura/tony the msucle man scenerio. I'm laura and she's tony the muscle man. She's class and i'm trash. It's that simple.

I'm tired, I can't post anymore.. Whatever.. Heres my pics.

Http://profile.Myspace.Com/149442539

if you don't have a myspace account.. Hot or not.

Http://www.Hotornot.Com/r/?Eid=rmglnla& ;key=qsa

and thats me in all my glory. Goodnight.
Did you find this post helpful?
|

User Profile
replied February 14th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 14th, 2007


thats all crap. I don't show 99 percent of those traits. My self-esteem is fine. I answer questions in class all the time, also i'm not a child. I'm a senior in college, and before I even started college I was in the workforce for quite some time. I'm 26 years old, not 16. I know how the world works.

I want expeirence what its like to be able to hold someone, and not sleep alone all the time, somebody to fight with, and talk with. Just a normal relationship. I don't need this person to complete me, but I feel like to some extent I do deserve to expeirence this. And it really bothers me that I haven't yet. It's valentines day. I've never had a date, let alone a valentine. Ever. I'd love to buy someone flowers right now. But nobody wants my flowers.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied February 14th, 2007
Experienced User
Whats up happy. Let me first say chill....Blow off some steam. Your not alone in this fight. Relationships are a major deal to most people, they are what creats life and what fullfills that need for compainyonship(sp). Relationships can also be hell....For me thats the case.

You seem like a realy cool guy. One thing I think will help you is you really need to chill on the drinking, smoking and just thinking about all this siht in genral. Getting worked up over this is gona stress you out more. Life is a big deal and relationships are a big deal also...But they arnt everything.

If you look around on the forums here you will see the people with the most pain comes from relationships. There hard regardless....The take alot out of you and use up alot of your energy.

Right now i'm single and im loving it. I can focus on friends, family and things that I want to do on my own that I know my wife wont want to do. I can play video games all I want, I can go work out when ever I want, I can go to any bar any time.....I can really do what ever I want.

I take this time alone to work on myself....Rather than spending energy on finding someone I relax and just go out with the intention of having a good time.

Try relaxing on the subject and youd be supprised who you meet. Dont get 2 worked up over it though. There are many girls out there so dont stress yourself to much over "searching" for one. ^_^
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 14th, 2007
color of paper wrote:
whats up happy. Let me first say chill....Blow off some steam. Your not alone in this fight. Relationships are a major deal to most people, they are what creats life and what fullfills that need for compainyonship(sp). Relationships can also be hell....For me thats the case.

You seem like a realy cool guy. One thing I think will help you is you really need to chill on the drinking, smoking and just thinking about all this siht in genral. Getting worked up over this is gona stress you out more. Life is a big deal and relationships are a big deal also...But they arnt everything.


If you look around on the forums here you will see the people with the most pain comes from relationships. There hard regardless....The take alot out of you and use up alot of your energy.


Right now i'm single and im loving it. I can focus on friends, family and things that I want to do on my own that I know my wife wont want to do. I can play video games all I want, I can go work out when ever I want, I can go to any bar any time.....I can really do what ever I want.


I take this time alone to work on myself....Rather than spending energy on finding someone I relax and just go out with the intention of having a good time.


Try relaxing on the subject and youd be supprised who you meet. Dont get 2 worked up over it though. There are many girls out there so dont stress yourself to much over "searching" for one. ^_^


i think you missed the part of my post where I said that I quit drinking and haven't had a drink in a month and a half. I haven't smoked in even longer. But i've been doing that working on my self thing for 26 years.. I'd settle for less then the one right now. I'd settle for a month lnog relationship that ends in a breakup. It hurts me, everyone has more expierence then me. I want to get some so I don't scare the "one" away
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied February 14th, 2007
Experienced User
I didnt miss the part of you saying you quit...But it still seems to be a part of your life. Your stressing on this and overthinking about this whole situatoin. Sometimes the things that cause the most pain we pay the most attention to.

What I was getting at was relax on the whole entire situation and just foucs on yourself...Someone will come along.

For straight advice on "being social with girls" I can tell you the best way to meet a girl is not to approach them but let them approach you.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied February 14th, 2007
Experienced User
Being stressout will show though everything. Girls like relaxed guys, guys that arnt a threat or guys that dont "come on" to them. You have been working on yourself for 26 years? Well youll be working on yourself for many many many more years to come.

Finding out who we are is a life long lesson...It takes paitence. I saw another one of your post giving someone awsome advice happy....You need to take some of this for yourself ^_^
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 14th, 2007
color of paper wrote:
being stressout will show though everything. Girls like relaxed guys, guys that arnt a threat or guys that dont "come on" to them. You have been working on yourself for 26 years? Well youll be working on yourself for many many many more years to come.


Finding out who we are is a life long lesson...It takes paitence. I saw another one of your post giving someone awsome advice happy....You need to take some of this for yourself ^_^


i'm going to try Crying or Very sad
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied February 14th, 2007
Experienced User
Stay up man youll be fine. Also post as much as possible if it helps...It helps me big time. There are alot of good people with good heads in here ^_^
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied February 15th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
color of paper wrote:
being stressout will show though everything. Girls like relaxed guys, guys that arnt a threat or guys that dont "come on" to them. You have been working on yourself for 26 years? Well youll be working on yourself for many many many more years to come.


Finding out who we are is a life long lesson...It takes paitence. I saw another one of your post giving someone awsome advice happy....You need to take some of this for yourself ^_^


he's right... You'll keep trying and we will be here to help you. Post here anything you feel like to, share your thoughts.
You can start from a thing. We you see that it is working, it will get better and you'll be happier to pursue trying Smile
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 15th, 2007
Well I talked to ashley and learned some things about how she felt and for a while longer i'm going to just wait for her to work out her issues. I really like her, if there is even a slim chance she's worth holding out for. Besides its not like anybodys going to ask me out anyway lol. If they do i'll be sure to post about it though.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied February 16th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
Hurray Wink

that was a first step Smile
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 16th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
The hot or not pic seems to be a very attractive, curly haired female...Is the link ok?

Confused
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 16th, 2007
1st you must learn to love yourself, girls pick up on this self loathing thing, really it's just a another case of low self esteem work on your posture and think really positive things about yourself and the people your about to meet, try a really good dating agency not the web, with luv
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 16th, 2007
P.S personally ive got a thing about crocked noses, I think they are incredibly sexy, it's a warrior battle scar thing I suppose ware it with pride all ugliness comes from inside.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 16th, 2007
purestgreen wrote:
the hot or not pic seems to be a very attractive, curly haired female...Is the link ok?


Confused


i had to get rid of it, one of my roomates found out how sensitive I was about my looks and found the picture and put it up on his facebook with a little rant mocking me. Sweet guy. So I had to get rid of my hotornot
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 22nd, 2007
it's a cliche... and i hate cliche's, but this one really is true...

you'll only find it when you stop looking.

good luck.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 23rd, 2008
...
oh wow.
i have no idea how i even got to this page - i think the browser had an error.
but i read your post - and i shake.... from reading what you have said - you seem like a great guy - and you definitely don't deserve this kind of treatment. or the cliche' answers.

now i know it's almost 2009 now, so i hope things have changed for you.... i wish you did not have to suffer this badly - you do not deserve it.

i hope you have found the love you deserve.

if i could hug you through a post - i would, but there is a tight line as to how much i can do through a stupid reply.

dear... i hope you are better now.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 28th, 2008
Active User, very eHealthy
Im 22 and never had a boyfriend
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied January 1st, 2009
suffer in silence is right.

I'm 17, almost 18, and I am still a virgin. And I just got out of a 6month relationship and said to myself that I dont care about girls anymore and just wanna drink and have fun. and bam! 3months later I meet this most amazing girl with a crap load of teenage drama.

My point is, some one will eventually pop up. if you let others know you're looking they will just walk all over you. Right now I think you need REAL friends who understand you completely.

take some time and get to know some people you feel comfortably hanging out with and enjoy yourself. Dont get all worked up over relationships.

btw in my country girls would die for germans Razz
|
Did you find this post helpful?
12
Must Read
Do you know how doctors define clinical depression? Learn more about this brain disorder and types of depression that doctors diagnose here....
Can depression run in families? Can hormones really make you depressed? Yes! Learn more about causes and conditions of clinical depression here....
People with depressive illnesses do not all experience the same symptoms. Do you know the signs and symptoms of depression? Read on to learn more....