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Any Tips On Telling the Kids?

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Do you have any tips on how to tell my 5 & 8 year old kids that i'm leaving?

Man that's going to be tough!
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First Helper Truth_serum
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replied February 6th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
Well, I suppose that it will depend upon why you are leaving. I agree that it will be tough. If you and your spouse developed emotional tension, the kids have picked up on this. I recommend being honest. And perphas even gradual. An abrupt leave can be traumatic. But moving away slowly, and maintaining contact (even daily) will help them feel connected to the process, and to you. Abandonment is an issue that adults don't grow out of easily...So if you're leaving the relationship and not the kids...Make it clear! And follow up on your word. Do everything that you say you will. Kids grow out of trust , especially during divorce.
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replied February 9th, 2007
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There will be contact. I told my stbx wife that we need to just be open and honest, tell them that dad and mom just can't get along right now and that moving out will hopefully allow us to find a resolution. I also told her that I wouldn't point fingers, that neither of us should, and that we'll have to be as friendly as possible toward each other, but not give the kids false hope. Not to bad mouth each other in their presence either.

It's going to be tough, though...Especially the sit down, telling them. I'm soooo not looking forward to it!
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replied February 14th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
Well, you are not alone. Please keep in touch and let us know how it goes. When are you planning to tell them?
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replied April 25th, 2007
Experienced User
Great Ideas
not pointing fingers and all that..

just be honest. And keep reminding them that it is not their fault. Shower them with love.. not gifts but the always there for you love. Let them have a voice to. Not necessarily letting them make a decision but to tell you how they feel about it. And yea they are so young don't give them false hope with moving out and back kinda thing.

A pointer.. don't do it after a really great family time.. like an important trip or a great dinner or playing games or family time. They might associate that good time with all this bad stuff and they won't understand it. But i have mixed feelings about if you should move out the same night you tell them... or wait.. I think it might almost be better for you to spend a few nights some where else then tell them so they have already adjusted to you sleeping some where else. It might help with the huge crying fit your kids might go into when they hear the news. But again I don't know just a thought.

Also I highly recommend some family counciling. Not to try and get you two back together but to help all of you develop the skills you will need to make this family work. Ecspecially the kids.

good luck.. my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
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replied September 24th, 2007
Experienced User
There Is Plenty to Run With
you seem to of gotten enough to go on here guy .....honesty ....no broken promises ..............no finger pointing ............the quickest way to it is through it ....pick a weekend so they have a couple of days to ease into the news without school to mix it up on .....best wishes oh and no matter what age all kids want to have both parents together forever .....but older was my choice raised them first then left ...........hind sight ? undecided ? there is no best time for divorce and or separation....
wazzywoman /robin
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replied February 27th, 2008
you're gunna leave them? well if you're gunna tell them that they'll be really mad @ yuu... sooo

I guess one day you and your wife should sit with the kids and explain how you two can't communicate and hopefully they'll understand.
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replied February 27th, 2008
Experienced User
don't walk out of their lives forever
emphisis on when you will see them not when you wont.
kids that young probably wont understand parents not being in love, so just tell them you'll be living somewhere else, they'll come visit etc. making a huge deal from it will just make them realise something is really wrong.
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replied April 4th, 2008
Divorcees' child
Be open and honest with your children. Don't try and hide the divorce from them, that will only make matters worst. My parents got divorced and didn't tell us. I found some papers on my Father's dresser and that is how I found out. They had been seperated for awhile, but it still hurt.

The children don't need to know details, just tell them and be straight up. Explain to them that just because you and your spouse's relationship is ending that your love for them doesn't change. That you both as parents will cherish them the same. Yes, there will be difficult changes that will arise, but reassure them that you will go through them together.
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