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Advice On Lost Love And Feelings?

So my wife asked me to move out as few weeks ago, which I did. She said she needed some space and time because she has lost feelings for me. We have had a rocky relationship (2 years married dated 3 years) we get is some heated arguments about incidents in the past that for some reason we have not been able to let go of. There has been time in the past where I wanted to give up, but I know we haven’t taken the proper steps to resolve our issues.

Well she decided she wanted to work things out so we are starting counseling. I am sleeping in the office and trying to give her the space she needs. But haven’t been doing so well. She tells me she out of love with me and has no feelings for me. She says she should be feeling something when I hug her or kiss her on the cheeks, but she doesn’t. The Dr. Believes she has a wall up and we just need to get it down. However my wife does not believe she has a wall up. But anytime I go to hug or kiss her, she tenses up like i’m a stranger. Like she is not even allowing herself to feel.

So I guess here’s my question.. What can I do (other than giving her space) to deposit into her love bank without putting pressure on her. I know many people have been in my shoes so I am hoping I can get some ideas or advice. Thanks and sorry for the book.
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replied January 22nd, 2007
Advice On Lost Love And Feelings?
Hi,

i hope someone answers you soon with some advice. I was in the same boat pretty much. She first told me she doesn't love me anymore about 3 weeks ago and we couldn't really talk about anything at the time. Now 3 weeks later and I left town once to give her space and she tracked me down. Why would she do that if she didn't miss me or love me? And always I get lots of conflicting messages from her but she still comes to the conclusion that she doesn't love me anymore. Finally, I decided to go for much talked about new concept of marriage counseling by Dr. Max vogt ph.D. In psychology expert couples counselor. I think it’s worth. We rebuilt our relation and now we are pulling on well. I suggest you to try the same.
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replied January 22nd, 2007
Experienced User
I think if you give her space, quit with the hugging and kissing (those actions are just you trying to get what you want, and this throws up a defense with her), she may come around. Show her the happy you, the "you" that she fell in love with, not a desperate and needy (read as "selfish") whiner. I'm not bashing you, just trying to help you see that maybe it will work if you back off. If she complains about you or your actions, agree with her but don't reassure her of your intentions to "change". Never kiss her ass, just be supportive and respond to anything she says with affirmation...Agree with her no matter what, even if it is untrue or hurts your pride. You'll see i'm right! It's working for me as we speak. Seriously!
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replied January 23rd, 2007
Experienced User
I understand you pain and know this is super hard. I have been in your wifes place before. Over the course of a relationship things can go sour, people can change and feelings can change. The hardest part in a relatinship is to talk about your feelings...All of your feelings. If she has had it in her head that she is losing feelings for you each fight you have, each "bad" thing that happens are going to reasure her feeling of loss. Another thing that most people cant look at while in a relationship is time apart. Time can do wonders and will really make you look at whats going on. Time alone will reasure you of yourself and remind you of who you are and what you want...Time will do the same for her.
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replied February 4th, 2007
Hello,

sorry your experiencing a hard time in yoru marriage! I would say that time can only tell, just give her the space that shes asking of you! She will come around, yes its hard! But you will get through it. Good luck.
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