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????? Where to Go From Here ???????

Alright.

Me and my ex- keep trying to make things work. I call him my "ex" because at this point- I know it's not "boyfriend."

when we go out- we have a blast. Our opinions on things are different- which doesn't really bother me. What bothers me, is that I cannot do the things I normally did before we started dating. It's like- we have to do what he wants. Like he has to have control.

I'm a very independent person- he's very needy and needs consent attention/reassurance. I am willing to bend alittle, because if you care about the person- compremise [sp?] is the key. He's gotten better with it-but I am not sure he's going to keep that up. He is finally supportive of my goals- and is trying. Before- he would question everything- from going back to college, to helping my family- and wasn't supportive.

I do help my family alot. My parents are older, and they've helped me through alot. I have a very *small* family- and I cherish them...Even though sometimes, I am asked alot to do. I like doing it though- but it bothers him. My father needs assistance with computer- since he is not good with them- so I am basically his part-time secretary. The "ex" doesn't like that either. I feel- that he should be supportive and as long as it's not a daily occurance- and he needs to back the heck off. You should be able to do the things you did while you were still single. And it helps pays my bills- I do get paid for it.

I want this to work...But part of me thinks why am I doing this? I do care for him, a great deal- and we've had our share of probelms...I guess I was just wondering if anyone is going through the same thing? When is enough, enough when it comes down to compremizing?

Currently, I am back at my folks house- for living arrangements. He is living in "our" apartment- while I still pay for half of the rent, while he lives there [both names on the lease.] I don't pay utilities- he does. And if things between got better- I might move back. I took all of my belongs [i left him my bed to be kind.] I pretty much furnished the place. I proceeded to tell him, if we get better- maybe i'll move back. I did have an obligation.. And I did sign a lease, and miss him from time to time. Not only that- but it would be good for me, to have the experience with living with someone- to see if I got another place- if I could do it. When I told him this- he wasn't that excited, and told me he got used to living by himself. He also proceeded to tell me, that in order for this to work, I would have to move back in, asap- to have at least 6 months experience of living with each other, before he feels comfertable with me again- that I won't "abandoned" him- and he can fully trust me. Why is there a set schedule for him? What about me? What about meeting half-way on this?

I didn't see him having a problem having sex with me.... So I assume just from that, that he's "comfertable." our lease is up at the end of september. He also told me that he plans on moving out of our apartment, once the lease is up- and getting his own place. I cannot afford to live on my own at the moment- and living at home isn't so bad. But he keeps telling me about it... And I often wonder why he is bothering with me.. If he plans on getting what he called a "bachelor pad."

is he just using me, until the lease is up? Am I wasting my time? I know he loves me...Deep down.. I can tell. But sometimes, the way he talks to me... I question it.

*any* advice... Please..Please... I am at the point, I don't know what to do. And I am driving my poor friend melissa crazy with this~!

-= Rolling Eyes =-
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replied January 23rd, 2007
Experienced User
Re: ????? Where to Go From Here ???????
Thanks for viewing and no input Smile

whats the point of coming on here and not giving advice?

Great job, people!

-=red=-
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replied January 24th, 2007
Experienced User
Sorry no one replyed...Im new here but very active as its totaly help me keep myself stable....And I like to think of myself as an open minded person..One to give advice ^_^.

I've been in a situation very close to yours...Excpt I was the guy and it seems my problems were a bit more serious, ie. Getting drunk and passing out at the ex's house, having ex's spend the night when im out of town etc.

Even though my ex girlfriend was doing all these crazy things I knew she would never cheat or lie to me. She was super honest and I know she loved me, she would do everything to try and keep me...But then why would she do these other things I kept asking msyelf.

Well there comes a point in time where you really have to look at it. I'm still heartbroke from my ex and still cant get over her becuase of the drama we went though. Living togheter is a very seroius thing that really needs time to develope.

I fully understand now that for a relationship to be healthy there has to be time for it to grow. Maybe its not the best thing to be living with this man and just keep the relatoinship to a minimum for the both of you. Its hard but it will weed things out.

I did this for 2 months...Seeing each other only a few times a week, on the weekends we set sunday as "date night" and we would go out and have a good time. Over time she changed and became a totaly better person, less drinking etc. Well I also became a stronger person after moving out on my own and looking at my life.

There are some things you really need to look at. Everyone has their own things close to your heart...For you your familiy....For a relationship to work you must have this in commin with the other, not saying they are all into there family but they have to respect your views and ways. Dont take any !**@! from anyone ever!

It really seems like your trying to hold onto this when he is trying to just let it be and go where it will. Maybe relax on the whole thing and just see where it goes.......If thats 2 hard becuase you are 2 much in love then its time for a sepration...I know its hard but keep at it. ^_^
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replied January 27th, 2007
Experienced User
I wish my problem was as simple as yours! Not to say that your problem would be easily solved. I'm caught between both of my exes right now; both of them want me back. The first guy I dated for four years, i'll call him ben, and I lived with him for three and a half years. What lead to our break up was the fact that we had to move in with his parents in a small town. I ended up in a desparate financial situation, ben ignored me a lot the whole time we lived there (he was catching up with old friends, etc.) so I turned to another guy for company. We'll call him anthony. So yeah, I know I posted my story a while ago about me cheating on ben with anthony (i probably gave them different names) in the broken hearted forum if you care to read it. I moved back to my home town and moved in with my parents after living with ben and his parents for only two months.

I broke up with ben a week after moving back here and started officially dating anthony three weeks later. That relationship was pretty bad because it took him our entire four-month-long relationship to get over his ex. Which really made me mad. He promises me that he's over her and I can tell. I hadn't really talked to ben a whole lot during the four months I dated anthony, obviously because I didn't want ben to find out that I cheated on him. I felt really awful about what I did, mind you. So I visited ben the day before christmas eve and ended up getting stranded in his town over christmas (neither of us have cars) and we ended up sleeping together and of course he told me that he still loves me, to which I replied I loved him as a friend. Since then I visite ben a few more times and talk to him almost every day. When anthony found out how much I was talking to ben, suddenly he asks me if I want to get back together with him! I told anthony that the only reason why he wants to get abck together with me is because he knows I was talking to ben (and he knows that we slept together when I visited him). Anthony insists that isn't so and was disappointed that I didn't "run back into his arms"

so now I really have no idea what to do. I like both of them. They've both wronged me but i've wronged them too. Anthony and I have a lot of fun together as friends, same with ben but I can't keep sleeping with both of them forever! It makes me feel sleazy but I can't decide who I should get back together with or if I should forget both of them and find someone else all together! Though that isn't a real option for me, I have a hard time even making friends with people let alone finding someone to date. I'm attractive but I don't think i'm a very good conversationalist...It's just never been easy for me to make and keep friends except for two really good friends that i've had ever since I was like three. Anyways, it's hard to give someone advice on their relationship if you don't know the full scope of it.

If I got back together with ben, it would be great for a while. He told me that he hasn't slept with anyone since me. But when we were dating I always had to beg him for sex. He spent way more time with his videos and magazines then me, and that was really upsetting. He told me that i'm the only girl he's every really loved and he holds me in high regard and respects me. I have more in common with anthony. He's taught me to be more open-minded. He's more goal-oriented and has achieved a lot more then ben. He repsects me but didn't hold me in very high regard when we were dating. I don't know what to do. Now i'm depressed and today is saturday!!
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replied January 28th, 2007
Experienced User
Quote:
thanks for viewing and no input

whats the point of coming on here and not giving advice?

Great job, people!

-=red=-

back to top


first, if you want some one to reply to a post of yours, dont make it such a long assed boring one. Get to the point quickly.

Yes, he is a control freak. He is using you, and you are not going to be happy with him. If he gets mad that you have a close relationship with your family, that is a big warning sign there. Use your head and realize the guy is trouble.
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replied January 29th, 2007
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makoto wrote:
Quote:
thanks for viewing and no input

whats the point of coming on here and not giving advice?

Great job, people!

-=red=-

back to top


first, if you want some one to reply to a post of yours, dont make it such a long assed boring one. Get to the point quickly.


nice. Why make rude comments?? Most people feel better once they let it out. Rolling Eyes
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replied January 29th, 2007
Experienced User
""nice. Why make rude comments?? Most people feel better once they let it out. ""

rude or honest??


Getting angry because no one replied to her post they way she did is not rude??? I think it was. So, I gave her the answers and told her why her post did not get the responses.


If you are going to call me rude, then look at the other person as well.


I do not think it was rude, it was sharp and honest, but not disrespectful or insulting.

Lastly, it was not nearly as rude as some people are in certain sections of these forums.
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replied January 29th, 2007
Experienced User
It is actually rude some people may view it to see what it is and think of a reply and get back to you on it it does take time for responses chill out it will come around that you will get responses but if you state it like you did about how people view it and say it rudely then people are going to read that and not want to respond
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replied January 29th, 2007
Experienced User
**off topic**

along with the post above..They should be off topic, this is about an issue the user has posted and would like some feedback on...Not their attitude. Also if you didnt notice she posted the original post on 1-19-07 and her follow up was 1-23-07. Thats 4 days of no replys to a serious post...I'd be antsy also. When people come here they look for a response, it may not be 100% profesional but we are all real people. So if someone seems upset or adgitated or whatever please do the better and hold back your remarks...Unless they are being obsurdly immature about it.
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replied January 29th, 2007
Experienced User
Her remarks were immature.

Instead of being sarcastic she could have said this "i wish some one would give me some advice, I really need some". "thanks alot guys", in the way she posted was insulting to many on these forums.

First, we all reply to posts that we have an interests in, and getting mad at us for not replying to your posts is being selfish. Next, as anyone can see there are a many sections and many posts on these forums, and all of them think they have the worst problem in the world. So, if a few days go that some one posts does not get answered that is just too bad.

No one is trying to do it on purpose. If I feel I can give adivce I will. But, with all the posts on these forums an people wanting advice, writing a long post is not helpful for a quick response. Especially when this particular post could have been shorter and more to the point.

Next, her problem, although bad, not not nearly as bad as others. So, one should expect that it might take a few days, or not get a response at all. There is not need to get upset. Repost your problem, or re-write it so it will appeal to people and get a response.

Off topic section, yes this topic as gone off track. I would agree.

Parting reminder. Is this site not now looking for people to help out with responding to people's messages??? If that is not a indication that getting mad because your post goes un-answered is immature, I do not know what is. It is selfish to say the least, given how other people are in need here as well.
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replied January 29th, 2007
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I'm one of the mods on ehealth. I'm not a huge fan of the cussing at people. Wink

sorry for getting so off topic.

And missdepressed, honestly, I would leave him. If he really wants to be with you, he'll make the effort. Trust me, he doesn't sound worth your time right now. Go out with friends, get involved in a sport, show him you don't need him in your life and then he will be more interested. Guys don't want "dependant" women.
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replied January 29th, 2007
Experienced User
Quote:
i'm one of the mods on ehealth.


lol

why do you feel the need to mention that?? Can we not talk about this before flashing badges and guns? Rolling Eyes

please show me where I cursed directly at her. I called her post "long assed", how is that cursing at some one? How can that even be taken as a personal attack. Laslty, how is that any worse than other places on these forums. Where cursing and personal attacks are made, and mods do nothing.
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replied January 30th, 2007
Community Volunteer
makoto wrote:
Quote:
i'm one of the mods on ehealth.


lol

why do you feel the need to mention that?? Can we not talk about this before flashing badges and guns? Rolling Eyes



actually as we're trying to cleanup the forums, and try new things we are letting it known who the mods are and it's never been a secret that I am one. Smile
anyway, i'm not the one making a big deal out of all this, I did not get mad at you or anything. Maybe it's a language barrier, but a lot of your posts come out sounding not so nice.
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replied January 30th, 2007
Experienced User
Alot of my posts???

What do you mean?? My posts in other sections??? I have my occasions where my posts are not so nice, but just do not look at my posts, look at what I am responding too. In most cases I am not the offender.

I am never personal, I never get into name calling of real members of these forums. People who come here trying to sell some magic forumal that is going to cure us all, I think they are free game. Unless of course a mod says otherwise. :p

i consider myself very respectful of the people on these forums. If they post with a serious issue, and post in a nice manner, mine is always kind in return.( I do admit I made one mistake, and that was in the pregnancy section. However, I did take issue with a point made. My arguement was not personal or abusive. But the treatment I got was terrible. But hey I am a big boy. Just curious why there was not moderation at that time.??)

when people get sarcastic, they get sarcasm back. What is wrong with that??

You make it seem I intentionally try to insult and hurt people. That is not the case at all. I may take issue with comments, and being treated in a sarcastic way. But I usually never attack first.

Instead of having to say you are a mod every time you make a posts, why not just have that title written into your handle??

Anyways, I do thank you for you input, but wonder how objective you are really being?

Question, do you not think missdepressed was wrong in the way she made her post complaining about no one responding to her original post? Why is my response deemed as rude, and hers not?? Could we both not have been rude??

I would like you to answer that for me please. I really do not want to be ticking the moderators off. I know you guys do a good job with these forums, and do not want to be a problem. Just let me know how what she wrote was acceptable and what I did was not?

If you want, you can pm me. I do not want it to seem like I am challenging your authority as a mod. If you say do not be rude in cases like these, I will do my best. I truly and honestly mean no disrespect to you. You have been more than nice to me, and I hope to do the same to you.


Btw, I am not japanese. I live in japan, yes. But I am from st.John's, newfoundland, canada. Makoto is just my user name. And I speak english pretty ok. :p

i am sorry this thread has gone off topic. I hope missdepressed,
the person who posted looking for help, found good advice in our posts.
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replied January 30th, 2007
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Makoto, I totally am not making a big deal out of this, you are. Just let it go. Smile i'm sorry if you got offended.

Is it cold in japan like it is back home right now??? It's damn freezing in montreal!
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replied January 30th, 2007
Experienced User
lil_blaze2004 wrote:
makoto, I totally am not making a big deal out of this, you are. Just let it go. Smile i'm sorry if you got offended.

Is it cold in japan like it is back home right now??? It's damn freezing in montreal!


i will let it go. I am not mad, and never was btw.

It is cold, but not like in canada. I am not offendend, and you do not have to apologize. You are doing your job. I respect that fully.

I like your pic in you avatar.
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replied January 30th, 2007
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makoto wrote:

i will let it go. I am not mad, and never was btw.


It is cold, but not like in canada. I am not offendend, and you do not have to apologize. You are doing your job. I respect that fully.


I like your pic in you avatar.


Mr. Green thank you.
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replied January 30th, 2007
Experienced User
.W.O.W.!!!

I feel so loved >.<!! I didn't mean for that to be long.. And maybe I am boring! I just didn't know how to condense it. Now I know for next time.

Maybe this wasn't an important issue.. To you. But to me, it was. Since everyone pretty much said the same thing.. I am going to take this advice- and I thank all that have replied.

Fyi- I am a tad on the sassy side- I do not mean to be rude on here- and if I was- here is my sorry.

Btw- those last posts cracked me up- thanks for putting a smile on my face- it's been awhile ^.^

-=rude red=-
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replied January 30th, 2007
Experienced User
missdepressed wrote:
.W.O.W.!!!


I feel so loved >.<!! I didn't mean for that to be long.. And maybe I am boring! I just didn't know how to condense it. Now I know for next time.


Maybe this wasn't an important issue.. To you. But to me, it was. Since everyone pretty much said the same thing.. I am going to take this advice- and I thank all that have replied.


Fyi- I am a tad on the sassy side- I do not mean to be rude on here- and if I was- here is my sorry.


Btw- those last posts cracked me up- thanks for putting a smile on my face- it's been awhile ^.^

-=rude red=-




my apologies as well. It is not that long posts are a bad thing. Just that, if you are looking for a response soon, I would think people would read a shorter post first over a longer one.

But my apologies just the same. Yeah, I hope you do leave him. Time wasted on him is time lost on being with the one. Shocked :p
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replied January 30th, 2007
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makoto wrote:
time wasted on him is time lost on being with the one. Shocked :p


great advice!!!
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