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Sex Without Birth Control - Am I Being Irrational?

Recently my girlfriend and I were having sex. The condom broke. I didn't tell her right away (as it was like 4 or 5am). But I did tell her at like 9:30 or 10:00am. At this time the planned parenthood centers were open. We used spermicidal condom and not all the ejaculate stayed inside, ad she took the "morning after pill" within 10 hours or so of the initial incident. Then about 12 hours later the second one. So as far as pregnancy goes, I am not too scared about that. My question goes a little deeper.



I have been going out with this girl for a solid 2 months. We spend tons of time together and it's always good times. I do love her as I feel closer to her then I have any other girl in recent history. We talk openly about everything...Or so I thought.



Anyhow, this condom breaking issue brought up a very important subject; birth control. She said at one point that 1) the women in her family are super fertile and 2) that she doesn't use birth control. I briefly asked her why not, and she said, "because it doesn't work". For me, this is both kinda scary and a little frustrating. She even admitted that in the past some of her boyfriends (who according to her were incapable of producing babies) didn't use condoms...Yet another uh-oh.



I know I am clean. She says she is clean too. What bothers me the most is the fact she doesn't use any sort of brith control. I love having sex with her but can't / won't unless she does. It is 1) too risky to only rely on a condom and 2) gets real expensive if you have to take the map every time a condom breaks. I am going to have a talk with her about this. While I do love her, I can't be in a relationship where the only thing standing between us and children (at a young age 23 for her and 26 for me) is a piece of rubber.



Am I being irrational here? I don't wanna lose her, but if she doesn't take some form of birth control we would have to either 1) wait until marriage...If we ever do or 2) find another partner. I don't know really. I always said that both partners are responsible in their own ways. For me, it is too risky and too much reponsibility if she isn't "doing her part". What other forms of birth control other then the pill could she look into? Am I making sense?
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replied February 25th, 2007
NO way you are not being irrational.

Your girlfriend needs to get on birth control. By her saying that it doesnt work she is obviously uneducated about it.
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replied March 5th, 2007
This is only my opinion and experience but I think you are either using the wrong condoms or using them incorrectly. For me I only use 1 brand as they have the correct size for me and Ive never had one break before. Maybe it will happen sometime but once in 2 or 3 years is not so bad. Most women don't want to use the pill because it can make them gain weight, if she says it doesn't work for her then shes lying.
Its up to you and her but theres no reason you can't keep seeing her just because she only uses a condom. As far as I know thats standard practice.
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replied March 5th, 2007
Experienced User
I don't think your being irrational but if she was to get on some kind of BC you should still protect yourself with a condom. Her saying that it does not work for her is a lie. If she has not gotten pregnant then how is it not working for her. Has she been pregnant on BC or something? Anyways be honest with her. A 2 month relationship is not long enough to commit to a child for the rest of your life you don't even know after 2 months if the two of you are going to commit to eachother for the rest of your lives. Be honest and good luck.
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replied March 29th, 2007
oh, I just want to hug you! haha. More power to you for wanting to be responsible with this issue!

Being in your position before, I highly recommend using more than just a condom. It is far too frequent that they sometimes break and when they are the only form of birth control that you are using, the situation can become pretty scary.
From a female's, and recent med student's, perspective, there are many many other forms of birth control that can be more reliable and easier to use than birth control pills. It is actually medically recommended to use at least two forms of bc. I personally used condoms and depo provera injections until my partner and I felt able to deal with the consequences of only using one.
I, of course, do not know your girlfriend's, nor your opinions, concerning the specific types and usages of birth control, but I strongly encourage you to look into your options. Physically and medically speaking, I can not think of a way that your girlfriend, you, and a health care professional could not devise a birth control plan. Obviously, everyone's body is slightly different from the next, but with so many options there IS a match.
Lastly, I know I may be stepping way out of line and I apologize. However, I have always had the opinion that if you have made the decision to be mature enough to have a sexual relationship then you should logically be mature enough to be responsible about your, and your partner's, health and safety. Unfortunately, far far too many people apparently do not agree. I completely congratulate you on wanting to be responsible. There needs to be more people like you out there. Good Luck!
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