User Profile
I've been fooling myself for a very long time that everything is okay when it is not. I am desperately unhappy. I have 2 wonderful kids who I love very much but they are not enough to keep me going. I sometimes wish I could send them to live with someone else because I feel I am a terrible mother and they deserve better.

I lost the love of my life and it still kills me inside every waking hour. I try to put on a brave face to everyone and I became so used to doing it that it is like a second nature to me. The truth is I am not okay.

I have a new boyfriend who dotes on me and loves me very much but I don't love him. When he holds me and kisses me I feel empty inside. I don't think I have any emotion left. I know deep down that I should break up with him because it is not fair on him but I cling to him cause in some strange way he gives me comfort.

I have no enthusiasm to do anything anymore. Of course looking after my kids is mandatory so they are always fed/clothed etc but I couldn't care less about my house. Clothes and washing up pile up in the kitchen cause I couldn't give a damn about cleaning them. I am wreck. I don't cry though cause I have no emotion left. I am crying now as I write this however cause I think it has all come to a head for me.

I wish I could just disappear and start again. I don't want any of it. My kids, my house- anything. It would be far easier for me to just not exist.

I have no oomph for eating anymore. My kids are always cooked nutrious meals but I don't care about eating. I don't care about anything anymore.

I don't know what i'm going to do
Did you find this post helpful?
|

User Profile
replied December 3rd, 2006
Community Volunteer
Beck, go to a therapist, get some meds and start excercising. It's the best advice I can give. Been there, done that. Get help soon.


E-mail me if you need to,
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied December 3rd, 2006
Experienced User
Re: Fooling Myself
beckster06 wrote:
i've been fooling myself for a very long time that everything is okay when it is not. I am desperately unhappy. I have 2 wonderful kids who I love very much but they are not enough to keep me going. I sometimes wish I could send them to live with someone else because I feel I am a terrible mother and they deserve better.


I lost the love of my life and it still kills me inside every waking hour. I try to put on a brave face to everyone and I became so used to doing it that it is like a second nature to me. The truth is I am not okay.


I have a new boyfriend who dotes on me and loves me very much but I don't love him. When he holds me and kisses me I feel empty inside. I don't think I have any emotion left. I know deep down that I should break up with him because it is not fair on him but I cling to him cause in some strange way he gives me comfort.


I have no enthusiasm to do anything anymore. Of course looking after my kids is mandatory so they are always fed/clothed etc but I couldn't care less about my house. Clothes and washing up pile up in the kitchen cause I couldn't give a damn about cleaning them. I am wreck. I don't cry though cause I have no emotion left. I am crying now as I write this however cause I think it has all come to a head for me.


I wish I could just disappear and start again. I don't want any of it. My kids, my house- anything. It would be far easier for me to just not exist.


I have no oomph for eating anymore. My kids are always cooked nutrious meals but I don't care about eating. I don't care about anything anymore.


I don't know what i'm going to do

i have always felt like that but, the difference is, I will always love my kid, my one and only daughter. Cool
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 4th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Re: Fooling Myself
reneblack wrote:
i have always felt like that but, the difference is, I will always love my kid, my one and only daughter. Cool


it's not that she doesn't love her kids, she just feels overwhelmed by them sometimes. Big difference.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 4th, 2006
I feel sad reading this because I can immagine you if you were my mum.
I don't think my mum is depressed because she always expresses herself to us... All the frustration etc...

I think you should stop hiding your emotions, I would rather see my mum cry all the time and give her a big hug than having her suffer in silence.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 4th, 2006
Re: Fooling Myself
Lots of people are depressed. It is because they think that just by doing their everyday duties they will be happy. But it does not work that way. First if there was no hope for you, you would not be alive and breathing. But you are. So what is the purpose of your life? To eat food, get a mate, have kids and then die? No!




The purpose of your life is to experience a happiness greater than you can imagine. You are so miserable since you are not pursuing that. You need to force yourself to do certain things for you to pursue happiness. You can read something inspiring, watch an inspiring movie and exercise to start with. Yoga really helps your body and mind. I have been doing it since age 12. But do some kind of exercise.




There are a lot of things you can do to become happier and you made the first step. Read the webpage below for more things you can do. It is all about you. It mentions a page on natural healing that has tips on diet that help depression with great uplifting stories.




All you have to do is click the link and this info will be in your room in seconds. Nothing like this has existed before in the history of mankind. Previously you would have to travel to the bookstore, locate the book, wait in line, buy the book and take it back home. All that before you could even start reading the book. Read this webpage by clicking on to prescription for happiness: edit
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied December 4th, 2006
Experienced User
Re: Fooling Myself
purestgreen wrote:
reneblack wrote:
i have always felt like that but, the difference is, I will always love my kid, my one and only daughter. Cool


it's not that she doesn't love her kids, she just feels overwhelmed by them sometimes. Big difference.

sorry, I see why?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied December 29th, 2006
Advanced Support Team
Re: Fooling Myself
ginkgo wrote:
lots of people are depressed. It is because they think that just by doing their everyday duties they will be happy. But it does not work that way. First if there was no hope for you, you would not be alive and breathing. But you are. So what is the purpose of your life? To eat food, get a mate, have kids and then die? No!





The purpose of your life is to experience a happiness greater than you can imagine. You are so miserable since you are not pursuing that. You need to force yourself to do certain things for you to pursue happiness. You can read something inspiring, watch an inspiring movie and exercise to start with. Yoga really helps your body and mind. I have been doing it since age 12. But do some kind of exercise.





There are a lot of things you can do to become happier and you made the first step. Read the webpage below for more things you can do. It is all about you. It mentions a page on natural healing that has tips on diet that help depression with great uplifting stories.





All you have to do is click the link and this info will be in your room in seconds. Nothing like this has existed before in the history of mankind. Previously you would have to travel to the bookstore, locate the book, wait in line, buy the book and take it back home. All that before you could even start reading the book. Read this webpage by clicking on to prescription for happiness: edit




please be advised that a recent post you've made to the depression forum is considered spam. Please discontinue posts that sell or promote items, or posts that contain outside links. If you continue to post commercial messages, we will close your account. Following is our posting guidelines as regards advertising.

Thank you in advance for complying with our posting guidelines. We’re happy that you’re here at ehealthforum and hope we hear from you soon. Happy posting!

-admin
Did you find this post helpful?
Must Read
Do you know how doctors define clinical depression? Learn more about this brain disorder and types of depression that doctors diagnose here....
Can depression run in families? Can hormones really make you depressed? Yes! Learn more about causes and conditions of clinical depression here....
People with depressive illnesses do not all experience the same symptoms. Do you know the signs and symptoms of depression? Read on to learn more....