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Long Article But I Would Appreciate Some Feedback

How I was raised:

i'm a nice person and very easy to approach its due to the fact my
parents raise me to be good, therefore good moral education. I'm a very analytical person and when I question about "life" I feel as if the world is so !**@! up and deceiving that I think life shouldn't be about what you want but what you can do for others, hence I feel at peace when I can make other people happy. My friends think i'm special and mature because I don't want anything: that is I value the emotional connection more than materialistic objects, in order words I could care less about having a gift for my bday, it's more the presence that counts.

What going through when dealing with life crisis:

when I know I feel depressed, I isolate myself because I don't want to hurt others. I lose lots of interests in social activities but I know it's a phase that'll eventually go. But i've notice that usually it's a big event that wakes me up and tells me I gotta change. When the depression phase is over I feel like i'm in control of my life again, and I enjoy being there for familly and friends and make them happy.

Major crisis in my life:

lately i've been feeling really down so I tried to analyze myself to see where's the problem. I've notice that my first crisis was when we moved from a small town to the big city when I was around 16. I lost my old friends and resided behind drugs. It wasn't until college when I met new people that I felt comfortable in the big city (drugs and school not a good combo so I stopped drugs). I was doing good until the last year of cegep I kinda felt lost and didn't know what I wanted to do for career and I re-used drugs again. Got through college met a special someone and move on in my life (no more drugs). Then I went to university (quebec, canada education system flow is high school ---> cegep ---> then university) again i'm doing well until in the 2nd year I was more nostalgic and thinking about my childhood friends and went deep down into drugs. Now, i'm off drugs and almost graduating.

Understanding myself:

it seems like the way I handle stress is that i'm becoming more introverted, since I feel so lonely drugs makes me feel emotions I cannot get from isolating myself from others, until I crash to a low point and I realize I have to shape up.

(dad famous quote "problems are all mentally made, people have !**@! problems, just shut up and learn to adapt or conquor them"... My parents had to live through the death of my older sister whom i've never got to known since she died when she was very young and my dad's is very successful "from cheap labor as chicken slayer to $$$ businessman" we're immigrants so he's like a good model of "american dreams come thru". I've realize that i've known my friends and familly for a long time but I don't know them that well because i'm having a hard time communicating my problems "i prefer to put the happy face on". As a result, people think i'm doing fine since I never talk about my problems and I keep moving foward in my life.

In summary, when I crash I do deep down but when i'm up I feel like pursuing the american dream like my dad and be successful.

In conclusion, it's a long article that seems to go nowhere, it's because i've never mentioned this to anyone that I wanted to know what do you think of this? Normal ? Or bipolar? Confused
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replied November 29th, 2006
Experienced User
Sounds to me you are suffering from clinical depression. I don't see anything in your story that would suggest bipolar. But there are several sites on line where you can test yourself. Some are listed on other threads here. I am clinically depressed as well and I have experienced a lot of what you expressed minus the drugs. I would suggest seeking out a clinical therapist to get a complete analysis. Good luck
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