Hi,
me and my boyfriend have been dating for 4 years and lived together 1 year out of the 4. I do everything he asks for. He wakes up to cooked breakfast everymorning, lunch, dinner, clean clothes, I run his bath water, clean house everyday, iron his clothes, take him to work and pick him up ontime, love him, and he gets everything he wants sexually. I dont understand what it is that im doing wrong but it is something because he feels that im not doing anything for him. He wants me to make some changes and he will make his changes after he sees that I made mine. I stay at home while he goes out parting with the guys and I cant even know what time he will be home cuz he dont want me to ask questions. I love this guy he has been my bestfriend for years even before we started dating. I dont know what his problem is or what im doin wrong. I never ask him for anything but a little time and affection and he says that hes not an affectionate person anymore and ive learned to live with that. Well his step sister is filling his head with stuff about how he can do better than me and he needs to be with one of her friends instead. Everytime she down talkes me instead of him saying " u need to accept the fact that im with her and stop talking about her" he always agrees with what shes saying and they talk about me together. He days he cares about me and he want no one else but why is he treating me like this..We go home next week for thanksgiving do I stay or do I come back to this Question

thx..Sorry so long :d
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First Helper halerobo12
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replied November 12th, 2006
He's Not Normal
You know the answer. You know what needs to be done. Deep down we all know what's good for us and what should be done, but we dont always do the right thing.

Fat people know they should but down the bagel but will eat it.

Procrastinators know they should get into the habit of getting things done right away but they'll wait.

Most of is know our issues but change is the most feared because it's the unknown or the uncomfortable. We're used to living with the consequences of our inactions. People fear change.

You are not compatible with your bf. You seem to be a good, caring person. He is not like you and he wont change. Just because you love him doesn't mean you should be with him.

I saw this thing on oprah about women falling for men similar to their fathers and they way they felt with their father.

#1) do what's best for you and your life.
#2) dont make the same mistake twice. Figure out what got you in this mess to begin with.

He doesn't defend your honor. This is a big deal.

He doesn't respect you. This is a big deal.

He's not satisfied with you. This is a big deal.


Actions speak louder than words. Words are meaningless.
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replied November 13th, 2006
Experienced User
Stop doing the things that you do for him and start doing the things you want to do. Sleep in late..No breakfast..No lunch.....Come home late from the mall or luncheon with your friends....No dinner made find yourself lost in something else to not have laundry done...Don't run his bath not in the mood for sex. Are you getting the picture? Let him see what you do do for him by not doing it. Then when he asks be honest yet calm let him know that you feel a bit unrespected and if he does not open his eyes to what he would miss out on if you were not around then maybe it would be time to not be around for a few days or so. Take a vacation and let him take care of himself for a while. When you give someone so much then thay are apt to think that this is daily normal things (ccok, clean ect...) then they are not use to the surprise of things the "oh wow you have cooked such a wonderful dinner" then they tend to think that you don't do anything for them and don't see that the "normal" things as special for them they see it as your daily jobs. Put some spice back in there and surprise him once in awhile and also make sure you get some back in return like dinner out once in awhile or just a break from the daily routine.
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replied November 13th, 2006
Leave his ass! You deserve better!!! Nobody desrves to feel this way. And nobody has the right to say you arnt good enough. So I think you know what to do.
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replied December 2nd, 2006
I know how you feel! Honestly you should do what is going to be better for you and your life! Feeling like you do doesnt seem fun or like love! When you find that person which may be soon or long you will know! This guy just got you one step closer to finding what you want and what you dont want! So congradulations on you next step forward!!!! =)
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replied December 2nd, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
You are not his slave! Talk to him, tell him you would like to have breakfast in bed every now and then, you would like to go out with your friends every now and then and him, it is time that he starts showing some love and respect for you, this is a two-way street but it is your choice, if you are happy with the way things are, that is fine but I would not be, just my opinion.
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replied December 2nd, 2006
Experienced User
You paint a picture of a jerk. Do not stay with this person any longer, do not even think about marriage. He is sucking the life out of you. He is wasting your time. Time you could use to find a better man.

His problem is he is a control freak. I am surprised he does not hit you. My guess is that he does, or will be hitting you soon enough.

I suggest you get away from this guy, you are being used and disrespected.

Run, and run far away. You do not want to have this guy as the father of your children.
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replied January 6th, 2007
It sounds as if you do way too much for him. The more you do for him the more he will want you to do.
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replied November 20th, 2009
He is never satisfied
Exactly the same thing happened with my man and me. I couldn't do enough for him to start with, and it appeared it was all going unappreciated. I ended up resenting the smallest thing I did each time. To cut a long storey short, it turned out the more I did for him the more I made him feel useless. We don't live together anymore, I asked him to leave. He now lives alone, the first time in his life, and we meet up a couple of times a week. In effect we are starting again. If he finds someone else then it wasn't meant to be.
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replied September 11th, 2013
change
I'm having similar problems to u, you give give give and change to suit his needs because u love him so much u will do anything to make him happy, but there's always still something your doing wrong.

This thing i watched the other day that i recommend you watch it was really interesting and has opened my mind big time!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43j2kCAVsmE Part 1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WY24RS7Qfa0 part 2

there kinda long so make sure u have a lot of time to spare.

Have you ever herd the saying "Your heart takes longer to come to terms with what your brain already knows"

You know what is best for you but your scared of the unknown and making the "wrong decision", which probably isn't its the "right decision".

Just watch those videos and change your behavior (you will get what I mean when u watch them) and if that doesn't work than don't waste your time and then regret putting so much effort into someone that didn't appreciate it.

Its funny im giving you advice which I should probably take for myself lol x
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