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Desire For Replacement Baby. (Page 1)



Last edited by EugeniaBrown on November 4th, 2006 12:52 AM; edited 2 times in total
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replied October 30th, 2006
Especially eHealthy
It's break, not brake.

Sorry, carry on. Rolling Eyes
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replied October 30th, 2006
Experienced User
ayamiyaki wrote:
it's break, not brake.


Sorry, carry on. Rolling Eyes


thank you. Fixed.
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replied October 30th, 2006
Especially eHealthy
My mother aborted when she was 20. She promptly went on birth control. She married four years later, and then had me. Three years later, she had my brother. She did not tell me of the abortion until I became sexually active at the age of 20 myself. She became pregnant after her "first time". I used a condom, and was fine.

I felt the need to impress her and my dad, but not because I had an instinctive fear of being abadoned. I never sensed anything from my mother to indicate she had ever aborted. I was just good kid. My mother is very protective, and "leaving the nest" has been a very arduous process, I will say that much. She doesn't want to let go of me. But that could just be the type of person she is.

Now, just because one woman can deal with her abortion, doesn't mean every woman can. But remember... Just because one woman can't deal, doesn't mean other women can't either. It goes both ways.
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replied October 30th, 2006
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replied October 30th, 2006
Especially eHealthy
eugeniabrown wrote:
eiri wrote:
my mother aborted when she was 20. She promptly went on birth control. She married four years later, and then had me. Three years later, she had my brother. She did not tell me of the abortion until I became sexually active at the age of 20 myself. She became pregnant after her "first time". I used a condom, and was fine.

I felt the need to impress her and my dad, but not because I had an instinctive fear of being abadoned. I never sensed anything from my mother to indicate she had ever aborted. I was just good kid. My mother is very protective, and "leaving the nest" has been a very arduous process, I will say that much. She doesn't want to let go of me. But that could just be the type of person she is.

Now, just because one woman can deal with her abortion, doesn't mean every woman can. But remember... Just because one woman can't deal, doesn't mean other women can't either. It goes both ways.


from what you are writing, I conclude that you did not have an abortion. Am I worng? If you did not, how can you relate and give advise to other women?


no, I have not had an abortion; but that does not mean I have never experienced the pain of a bad choice - or sometimes the pain of the best-but-still-traumatizing choice - nor does it mean I cannot have an opinion about the right to do what I want with my body. It also means I have the right to inform women of their rights over their body, and that they are not bad people for exersizing that right when needs be.
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replied October 30th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Great points eiri!!!

Just because she has never experienced having an abortion, does not mean she can not feel empathy for those who have (i.E. Her mother). I have never had a toothache, but I can certainly put myself in the shoes of a person who has and say, "i feel for your pain".

If you have read some of the other posts that eiri has done you would see that she obviously knows what she is talking about. She is a great supporter of women and their rights. I personally thank her for that!
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replied October 31st, 2006
Experienced User
mommy35 wrote:
just because she has never experienced having an abortion, does not mean she can not feel empathy for those who have (i.E. Her mother). I have never had a toothache, but I can certainly put myself in the shoes of a person who has and say, "i feel for your pain".

If you have read some of the other posts that eiri has done you would see that she obviously knows what she is talking about. She is a great supporter of women and their rights. I personally thank her for that!


i am not sure if I can follow the logic..... Is abortion the same as thoothache, or a finger cut?

When you have a toothache or cut your finger, after pain is gone and your tooth or finger is healed, it will take you a moment to even remember which tooth bothered you or which finger did you cut. I wish the pain of abortion was an the same level. But even today, years past, I would gladly take on the toothache instead.
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replied October 31st, 2006
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Re: Desire For Replacement Baby.
eugeniabrown wrote:
i woud like to share with every one here and artilce I wrote a while ago.
you wrote the article yourself? It seems so similar to the ones I receive and read regularly that I thought you had simply cut and pasted this drivel from an anti-choice site. Interesting that you would claim it for yourself. Could you perhaps post a link to the article or another way to verify it?


Quote:
"number of women after having terminated pregnancy through abortion may become overwhelmed with guilt and may become pregnant again desiring to replace the child lost. While some of the women carry the second baby to terms, studies have shown that most of the second abortions take place within a year of the first one. If the pregnancy does take place as a result of desire to replace a child it definitely should be treated as a "crisis" pregnancy, with much needed support and tender loving care, otherwise repeated abortion may take place.
the .American .Psychological .Association .A.N.D the .Allan .Guttmacher .Institute (in coalition with the .C.D.C) disagree with you entirely.

Quote:
in spite of what is being told about abortion, its aftereffects are profound and our society has not began yet to fully realize the extent of damage abortion can cause.
abortion is one of the most studied, most documented procedures because it has been around the longest. Women from the earliest of recorded times had ways of ending pregnancies that they did not desire to keep. In fact, illegal abortions have been studied and documented in depth as well and the evidence overwhelmingly supports that criminalizing abortion procedures makes them more dangerous and causes the most damage.

Quote:
if an abortion has taken place in a marriage it is very likely to disrupt the dynamics of a healthy and happy family.
having a child you are unprepared or unwilling to care for will "disrupt the dynamics of a healthy and happy family" more than an abortion. Living in poverty because you cannot control your child bearing also disrupts the dynamics of any family life and poverty is more wide spread.
Quote:
it is particularly true if subsequent children were born out of desire to replace what was lost to the abortion. But it does not affect only children that are born after an abortion, it affects children that were born before as well. Some children may develop a "survival syndrome", while not being a medical or psychological term, it definitely exists in many children that were affected by abortion.
based upon what? Your opinion only? Laughing
Quote:
these children will do just anything they can in order to please their parents and people around them. They often may feel that they can not do enough to earn respect and love. But on the other hand if a child is misbehaving and call for some discipline and reprimand, parents may be so overwhelmed with guilt over past abortion that hesitate to reprimand the child when they called to so. This inability to discipline and reprimand the child can be present in parent-child relationship in both with children that were born before abortion as well as with children that were born after.
it is so obvious that you know very little about psychology that it is staggering anyone would ever "publish" an "article" like this.

Quote:
to break through this kind of vicious cycle, the couple who may have had an abortion would need some deep soul searching and maybe some professional help as well. The good news that there are many people today who come forth and talk about their personal experience of abortion and its aftereffects on their lives. The support groups are being formed around the world where people help each other on the path of healing after abortion."
only 10-13% of the population, according to the .American .Psychological .Association, has any lasting problems following an abortion. Of these few, the majority of them had psychological problems before the abortion ever took place (again, according to meta-studies published by the .A.P.A).

Perhaps you should use legitimate and reputable sources the next time you attempt to write an "article" about abortion.

I suggest that this thread be moved to the abortion debate forum as it is argumentative, ignorant of actual published studies refuting it's basic thesis, and is not supportive in any way, shape, form, or fashion for individual .Women who may be coming to this forum for support and .Actual .F.A.C.T.S.
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replied October 31st, 2006
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eugeniabrown wrote:
mommy35 wrote:
just because she has never experienced having an abortion, does not mean she can not feel empathy for those who have (i.E. Her mother). I have never had a toothache, but I can certainly put myself in the shoes of a person who has and say, "i feel for your pain".

If you have read some of the other posts that eiri has done you would see that she obviously knows what she is talking about. She is a great supporter of women and their rights. I personally thank her for that!


i am not sure if I can follow the logic..... Is abortion the same as thoothache, or a finger cut?


When you have a toothache or cut your finger, after pain is gone and your tooth or finger is healed, it will take you a moment to even remember which tooth bothered you or which finger did you cut. I wish the pain of abortion was an the same level. But even today, years past, I would gladly take on the toothache instead.
that is .You and only .You and it is gladly not indicative of the experiences that the vast majority of .Women who choose to obtain an abortion will go through.
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replied October 31st, 2006
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jenn_smithson wrote:
that is .You and only .You and it is gladly not indicative of the experiences that the vast majority of .Women who choose to obtain an abortion will go through.


i never claimed to represent the majority. But if some one who comes in to look for opinions, they should not be cheated of opinions that abortion hurst me.... I since I have been reading the forum lately, rarely woman come is in here being 100% if she is making right decission, she deserves to hear evry one's opinion. I had be hurt by abortion and am not affried of telling this to onother woman.
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replied October 31st, 2006
Especially eHealthy
eugeniabrown wrote:
mommy35 wrote:
just because she has never experienced having an abortion, does not mean she can not feel empathy for those who have (i.E. Her mother). I have never had a toothache, but I can certainly put myself in the shoes of a person who has and say, "i feel for your pain".

If you have read some of the other posts that eiri has done you would see that she obviously knows what she is talking about. She is a great supporter of women and their rights. I personally thank her for that!


i am not sure if I can follow the logic..... Is abortion the same as thoothache, or a finger cut?


no, and that's not what she meant.

Empathy, despite the level of pain involved with the event, is universal. And I have gone through emotionally painful events that were all my fault; several in fact. So emathizing with the pain that someone else expereinces because of a desicion they have made or a mistake they have mad and now need to fix, I can relate to. I've been through events that I "flash-back" to (a reference the wonderful post from pro-life. Nice post ^_^) and believe me, I know it is hard to get over these things.

However, there have been other times where I made my desicion and dealt with the consequences and got over it right away.

So the point is... Anyone can ut themselves in a woman's shoes, and try to see life from her point of view. Remembering to abandon your own preset-ideals while doing so is the hard part.
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replied October 31st, 2006
Experienced User
eiri wrote:
eugeniabrown wrote:
mommy35 wrote:
just because she has never experienced having an abortion, does not mean she can not feel empathy for those who have (i.E. Her mother). I have never had a toothache, but I can certainly put myself in the shoes of a person who has and say, "i feel for your pain".

If you have read some of the other posts that eiri has done you would see that she obviously knows what she is talking about. She is a great supporter of women and their rights. I personally thank her for that!


i am not sure if I can follow the logic..... Is abortion the same as thoothache, or a finger cut?


no, and that's not what she meant.



Empathy, despite the level of pain involved with the event, is universal. And I have gone through emotionally painful events that were all my fault; several in fact. So emathizing with the pain that someone else expereinces because of a desicion they have made or a mistake they have mad and now need to fix, I can relate to. I've been through events that I "flash-back" to (a reference the wonderful post from pro-life. Nice post ^_^) and believe me, I know it is hard to get over these things.

However, there have been other times where I made my desicion and dealt with the consequences and got over it right away.

So the point is... Anyone can ut themselves in a woman's shoes, and try to see life from her point of view. Remembering to abandon your own preset-ideals while doing so is the hard part.


i never had an itention to upset any one. Now while some say that prolifers are angry, I did not have a warm welcome here either....

I even apologized to some, without even knowing whether they have forgiven me. And I disrespected no one.

I will continue to post here. But I promise never post whenever a woman is 100% sure she wants to have an abortion.

Even if I am the only woman on earth that regrets her abortion, I would like to remain the only one. Can you see what I am saying?
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replied October 31st, 2006
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eugeniabrown wrote:
even if I am the only woman on earth that regrets her abortion, I would like to remain the only one. Can you see what I am saying?
not really. Why would anyone choose to live in regret for long periods of time? You obviously thought that you had to make that choice, twice, and since you felt compelled to do so, since you did not stop yourself from doing so, your reasons must have been enough to justify an action you clearly believe was wrong. Since you justified it enough to go through with it, it seems strange that after the abortions your reasoning and justification weren't enough anymore. If your reasons were enough to allow you to hurdle over your belief system, they should be enough to continue justifying your actions to yourself.

Also, the way you have presented your comments, thus far, is not that you, and you alone, experienced regret following an abortion but that other .Women should not obtain an abortion because they will feel regret as well. The vast majority of .Women who obtain an abortion feel relieved after it is over. Those who report experiencing problems were found to be suffering from psychological problems before the abortion ever took place. Those very, very, very few who did not have pre-existing problems usually require only some authentic counseling from qualified individuals to put their feelings into the proper perspective.

The majority of .Women do not regret their abortions. Those who do can receive therapy from licensed individuals that will help them put their regret into the proper perspective and deal with it emotionally so that it can be resolved. Choosing to live in regret when there is the opportunity to have the situation resolved does not make sense to me unless it is deliberate in order to make a claim regarding your beliefs.
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replied August 7th, 2009
oh my god. the vast majority of women DO NOT feel relief after an abortion. I promise. I was ABSOLUTELY GUNG HO about having an abortion, I did NOT want a child, I could not take care of one. immediately after I felt relief, but three days after I felt pain like none other, the worst pain imagineable. I did not have a prexisting problem, Im just a normal 23 year old girl who isnt finished with school yet. Abortion ruins your life, I promise. I'm not even religious, I make fun of pro-lifers, and seriously, it screws you up in ways you never thought possible.
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replied August 8th, 2009
Community Volunteer
imnotsorry.net is FULL of personal stories of women who do not regret their abortions. Do you think women who NEED an abortion for whatever reason it may be, such as poverty, medical issues, a severely deformed fetus, a conception via rape, a conception via incest, women who have psychological problems, conceptions due to birth control failures, etc, do you honestly think these women think that abortion ruined their lives? Sure, with the case of a woman with a severely deformed fetus or a woman with a medical condition that could kill her if she became pregnant, that woman may grieve for what was not to be, but at the same time, the choice was made for a very valid reason. At least to that woman. I had an abortion for an ectopic pregnancy and I am relieved. The abortion did not ruin my life, it saved it.
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replied August 9th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
I know plenty of people who had abortions and felt only relief. I also know a few people who had children, and their lives were ruined. Regret is a cost-free emotion. You get to do what you wanted, and then regret it. Have your cake and eat it.
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replied August 13th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
Abortion didn't ruin my life. I have no regrets and would do it again if need be. It was the right choice for me.
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replied January 13th, 2011
Right..
Regret is a "cost-free" emotion? Are you kidding me? Is that why it causes some to commit suicide, ruins relationships, and causes someone to go into such a deep depression that they drop out of college and/or lose their purpose in life? Pain and regret are powerful emotions and it can negatively impact a person's state of mind and those feelings remain for the duration of your life in some cases. We are not talking about a stupid mistake you made in high school or college or the pain of a toothache... we are talking about a human being that we decided to eliminate from this earth that was a part of our own flesh and blood. The potential futures of all involved and that idea settling in your mind is sometimes too much of a burden to bear. The fact that you only take into account those opinions that favor your own and are unwilling to accept other points of view not only show your ignorance but heightened sense of bigotry.
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replied January 13th, 2011
You are going on one study? As with most studies, they are flawed and you can to 2 or 10 with varied results so it means very little to me when their are too many biased agendas involved. If you are only following a set of people for 6 months to 2 years, that is what you base your notions on? The first most common feeling is relief... regret and pain can hit you at any time throughout your life, even years down the road. To feed us your baloney sausage... you are only fooling yourself who decided to ignore and place behind you any feelings or thought of your child. Keep it that way as many can't and you don't want to open up a box of worms when your mind knows you couldn't handle it... blocking emotions and discriminately ignoring the past is common among those who went through a traumatizing event because they psychologically could not deal with those emotions if they surfaced. I have never known ONE person in my life who had an easy abortion and felt ONLY relief. Please.. you are living in some dream world arent you?
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