Hello-

well I finally made up my shaky mind- I am getting out of this abusive relationship. I took two paid days off, and my parents are going to help me move out. I am scared, though. Mainly of his reactions. I hate that he lives so close to my family. I don't want anything to happen to them!

I might possibly look into getting a restraining order, friday morning. I have to move all of my things out, because I am afraid he won't let me leave so easily. This is the thing:

we co-signed a 1-yr lease together. I furnished the apartment with the furniture. We have been fighting non-stop since we've moved in there in early august. He started becoming more threatening... Now, he is playing mind games with me, telling me I need to tell him my itinary for the day, call him at least a couple times a day, and tells me he "listens" for me to tell him I love him. He insists I talk to my ex in front of him whenever he calls [the ex is fiancially tied to me through a car loan, nothing else & lives 5 states away,] gets agressive during sex, always places a hand on my neck, tightly in a choking manner- I help my father out with his typing [professor,] and sometimes, I have to stay late..He gets mad with that. He wants so much attention, I can't stand it anymore. I'm two years younger than him..And he always talks down to me, discharged from the army [won't tell me why,] just very demanding, mean, and selfish. I shouldn't have to report in..And whenever we fight- i'm always crying. It's like he gets off on me doing that. He's brought up some things that I told to him in confidence, during fights, to upset me more. Always has to throw a jab, making it hurt.. Like telling me I wasn't good in bed anyways, and he's glad i'm leaving.

Well now the ball is in my court. He has no idea I am moving all my things out of the apartments, and cancelling the utilies. I will directly pay rent [my portion] to the leasing office. I know in my mind and heart I am doing the right thing, and no person diserves the treatment he gives me. I just wish for some support that I can do this. That what he's done, isn't right and I will be ok.

I just have to remember to breath. Who would have thought..On friday the 13th? Creepy.. More so, scary to me. All I care about, is my family's safey. I know he's going to come over, and be really, really mad at me.. But I don't know of any other way to move on with my life.

Please, someone reassure me that I am going to be ok?

Miss depressed Shocked
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replied October 11th, 2006
Experienced User
There are 7 of you who read this..? Please- I have to go over there now- I need this assurance!!

Miss depressed
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replied October 11th, 2006
Ok, move out friday and if he comes over do not let him in the house. If he won't leave then call the police and have him removed from the property.. Also an excellent time to ask the cops about getting a restraining order.. They will explain it better since they know your local laws.
So if you do want to talk to him after you move out.. For closure or whatever.. Meet him in public to talk. Like a restaurant. If he just has to contact you for something else remind him of all the other ways to communicate.. Phones, text messages, internet, even the mail if he wants.
You will be fine, i'm sure.. Just be safe. If he gets too out of hand that's what the police are for. If you think he'll start stalking you, invest in some mace.
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replied October 11th, 2006
Especially eHealthy
I agree with the previous poster. You know what you need to do for you. Do it. Move out. You have a supportive family and that's great. It sounds like you haven't been living together too long, so you won't have many things intertwined.

Move on with your life.

If he comes after you, get a restraining order. They aren't difficult to get, go to your local court house.

Good luck.
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replied October 11th, 2006
Although i've personally never been in a situation like that, I really really hope that you can start over and be with someone who values you for who you are and loves you for who you are, I think everyone deserves that. Your doing the right thing, just get out. This is your assurance, but more than anything, you need to be your assurance. I dont know if youve already left so u didnt get this message, either way I wish you the best, you can do it! Its all for the best!
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replied October 12th, 2006
Experienced User
Thank you, thank you, thankyou!

It's been hard, putting up an act these last two days, for him. He has no clue that I am taking my things, [basically all of the furniture/bed] and moving back home. The only thing that sucks, is that I have to still pay rent, since my name is also on the lease. But, I would rather keep my sanity and health a priority 1st.

I have all the utilies in my name. I've brought it up, before, that if I decide to leave, what would happen to those? He told me I would have to pay half still, even if I am not there using them. Originally, 2 months prior, he was suppose to leave- and he would sign over the lease to me. Well, he's made it clear, that he has no intentions of leaving, and wants me to suffer. So, I have no other choice. I am not letting this kid ruin/control my life anymore! The only other thing- is if I shut off the utilites [which will cause a lapse, and we will both be penalized with an increased rent payment.] but, I will have them out of my name, not risking him raising the bills up high enough to where I cannot afford to pay them, and ruin my credit. I hate to do that.. But does anyone else see any other way?

That, and having all the furniture taken.. The place will be looking pretty patheic. Thats when it's going to go bad..And I know he will come after me at my parent's house. I'm glad I only invested 3 months into this relationship..And not longer. Now that I think about it more..[which I didn't think it would be possible to at this point,] I hope he does come over, so I can get a restraining order.

I think though, this will be the end of my dating life for at least 1 yr. I want to finish college, get a new car and go on a warm vacation somewhere. I know with him in my life..I cannot obtain any of those goals. Why are guys such a-holes??

Miss depressed
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replied October 12th, 2006
Especially eHealthy
missdepressed wrote:


i think though, this will be the end of my dating life for at least 1 yr. I want to finish college, get a new car and go on a warm vacation somewhere. I know with him in my life..I cannot obtain any of those goals. Why are guys such a-holes??


Miss depressed
hey girl! I'm right there with you! Pahleassse bring me with you! Lol I need to get out too.I am thinking about buying myself a new car and go to school for a vetrinarian.Please tell me how things went after its done.I'm thinking about you!
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replied February 11th, 2007
Experienced User
.Hey! I know that this is a delayed reply but I just wanted to say a couple of things....

1. Congratulations on getting the guts to stand up for yourself and move out! It takes alot of strength to do that!

2. Im not sure about other countries but in australia you can get the police to put in a request to take your name off the lease so you can move out and be out of the abusive relationship....It might be something to look into!

Let us know how you are going and if your ex is still in contact with you....

All the best!

Mel
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