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Best Friend Is In Love With Me

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Hi all

my best friend has been in love with me for the past 8 years in which I only found out a year ago...He moved overseas last year after he told me this. I have had a boyfriend for the past 19months. I really do love my bf, problem is my best friend has decided to come back from overseas and needless to stay came back still in love. I dont want to break my best friends heart and I just wish he we can be the friends that we where. How do I tell him that there is no chance for us....? Without hurting him so bad that we will never be friends again?

Would love to hear from yuo guys!
Take care
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replied March 8th, 2009
Experienced User
Oh my goodness!
I went through this with someone.
I thought I was in love. I'm not sure if I was, now. The person was unavailable. I had strong feelings!

I don't think this is going to end well, unless he finds a girl to love as a girlfriend. He's really has intense feelings for you. You can take it as a compliment, but I know that it's difficult to know that he feels that way.

I would tell him this: You don't feel the same as he does. Tell him that the friendship is important to you. Encourage him to date. This will be tough for him to hear! What else can you say?

You have to wait and see how he responds. If he tries to become really involved with you, he will get hurt! I did that, and, eventually, I was hurt. Isn't it interesting that he would have such powerful feelings for someone who is unavailable? That's something that he needs to address. He needs to focus on finding a woman who he can love romantically, and will love him back. He's focusing on you, and not exploring what is available for him.

I would add that this seems fairly common with close friendships of different genders. Don't be too hard on him. People fall in love with their therapists or a married person. Things happen. I hope he pulls himself out of it so you won't have to give him a shove! As it is, the situation can't be sustained. It's not good for either of you. There will be hard feelings. Prepare for that. Rejection is rough!

Good Luck!
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replied March 8th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Hey Yeah what a dilema you have here!
I can understand you not wanting to hurt your friends heart but you definatly need to tell him there is no chance at all because if he thinks that you are telling him there could be a chance then when you tell him no he will think you led him on and then he won't want to be frien ds with you......just explain that although nothing intimate will ever happenen between you guys let him know you dont want to loose his friendship :0) this should be ok and if he is a friend he should understand and not wanting to loose you as a friend should try and put it behijnd him Good luck and keep us posted.....Jenny
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