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I'm Really Hoping Someone Here Can Give Me Some Advice Here

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Alright so in highschool, I came out as a lesbian after questioning my sexuality for a long time and trying to make it work with guys...

Then my senior year of highschool this guy wanted to date me and I kept telling him no, but then I figured I would just give it a shot. That relationship lasted 3 or 4 months. So this made me change to bisexual even though after awhile in the relationship I wanted to be with women.

I am now dating another guy whom i've been dating for a year next month.
Things were going great for a really long time with no problems. I fell in love with him and wanted to marry him. But then...I ran into trouble again. I dont know why after all this time something like this would come up in my mind though. But I dont enjoy sex with him as much...I find myself wanting to be with a woman. And he sees it, and is now really insecure about it and wont quit bringing it up. I do love him and I want to marry him...But do I want to marry him so I can have the normal life or do I really want to marry him one day. I'm just so confused as to why i've been with him this long and still question myself. Sometimes I feel like i'm not being honest with myself; other times I feel like everything will be fine.
Today we were talking about beautiful people and he would bring up guys and then girls and he was astonished to find I only really found the girls attractive...I just dont look at guys that way. I can see good looks in a guy the way a straight girl can look at another girl and say that she's pretty. But i'm actually attracted to girls. My boyfriend just looked at me and said, "you're a lesbian, arent you..." I just shifted my eyes and looked at the floor.

Very recently (as in the last couple of weeks), we have run into serious problems. He's almost moved out a couple of times because I admitted to him that i'm questioning my sexuality. We're still togehter but I have to admit, I still feel a void somewhere inside me and I dont know why. I love him and I dont want to hurt him. I really want things to work out with us...But...I'm really scared that in the future i'll end up really hurting him 'cause I just cant stay. I already know in my mind that if things were to not work out with us, I dont think I would ever go to another man again. And when I think of my ways, and who i'm attracted to, and that last statement itself, I wonder if maybe i'm just a lesbian trying to have the normal life with a man that would be a good husband and father, who I love very much and who loves me more than anything in the world.

~sigh~ I hate being so confused. Everytime I think I figure it all out, I get another curve ball thrown my way. I've been so unsure for years...You would think that I would have it figured it out by now.
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replied September 9th, 2006
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I kinda understand...

I dont think men are attractive, I think woman are extremely attractive so in a way I understand, my only issue is everytime I went with a woman the sex didnt feel right but I dream about being with a woman all the time. I have been with the same guy for 4 years, yeah the sex is okay but its not the same and I know where your coming from with that.

I say take a break from your bf, try going with another woman and see if that is what you really want, honestly follow your heart its hard when you love someone but love someone of the same sex at the same time!!

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