New guy here with a question. Been married for 12 years, dated off/on for 8, we are 35.

I'm try'n to "light her fire", I do as much as I can around the house, do a lot of the cooking, and make enough that she can be a stay at home mom by working as much as possible. This spring I took the kids to grandparents house and took her out to a nice restaurant and stayed in a nice hotel with a hot-tub in the room. She liked that as we have not done that since our honeymoon. Gave her a few gift certificates to shop where she likes to shop this summer, she enjoyed that also. Booked an appointment at a spa for massage, petticure, manicure, facial and lunch. I know she will like that since i've done that for her before. Have other plans but don't want to overload, what to spread out the "fun".

I'll be honest, I am doing this for me also. Try'n to make her happy so I may be happy in bed and elsewhere also. I'm slow, but I believe that she has never been "really attracted" to me. She has always been a sucker for blonde hair, blue/green eyes, tall and skinny. I'm average height, brown hair & eyes, muscular and "thick". Not fat, not skinny, but thick. I still have my six pac, but the bottom 2 are loosing their definition :roll: . I'm funny and easy going, and I think she married a "friend" and not a lover/friend.

She doesn't return many favors, she is not selfish(i don't think) but she doesn't come up to me and give me a hug & kiss anymore. Doesn't try to hold my hand, and rarely initiates sex. She doesn't do what some of my friends wives do to them and I treat her 10 times better.

Am I doing too much for her? It appears that the jerks have their women hanging on them, while mine doesn't. I used to know it all :wink: , but now I don't know how to treat a woman anymore. Two kids 8 & 11. I'm out of ideas. Sex is good when we have it, I now have control to hold off till she is "done" then it is my turn. What do I do to have her want to do stuff for me, and come on to me for a change?

Sorry it's so long, I appreciate the help.
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replied August 29th, 2006
Re: Selfish?
bullride wrote:
new guy here with a question. Been married for 12 years, dated off/on for 8, we are 35.


I'm try'n to "light her fire", I do as much as I can around the house, do a lot of the cooking, and make enough that she can be a stay at home mom by working as much as possible. This spring I took the kids to grandparents house and took her out to a nice restaurant and stayed in a nice hotel with a hot-tub in the room. She liked that as we have not done that since our honeymoon. Gave her a few gift certificates to shop where she likes to shop this summer, she enjoyed that also. Booked an appointment at a spa for massage, petticure, manicure, facial and lunch. I know she will like that since i've done that for her before. Have other plans but don't want to overload, what to spread out the "fun".


I'll be honest, I am doing this for me also. Try'n to make her happy so I may be happy in bed and elsewhere also. I'm slow, but I believe that she has never been "really attracted" to me. She has always been a sucker for blonde hair, blue/green eyes, tall and skinny. I'm average height, brown hair & eyes, muscular and "thick". Not fat, not skinny, but thick. I still have my six pac, but the bottom 2 are loosing their definition :roll: . I'm funny and easy going, and I think she married a "friend" and not a lover/friend.

She doesn't return many favors, she is not selfish(i don't think) but she doesn't come up to me and give me a hug & kiss anymore. Doesn't try to hold my hand, and rarely initiates sex. She doesn't do what some of my friends wives do to them and I treat her 10 times better.

Am I doing too much for her? It appears that the jerks have their women hanging on them, while mine doesn't. I used to know it all :wink: , but now I don't know how to treat a woman anymore. Two kids 8 & 11. I'm out of ideas. Sex is good when we have it, I now have control to hold off till she is "done" then it is my turn. What do I do to have her want to do stuff for me, and come on to me for a change?


Sorry it's so long, I appreciate the help.



wow any woman would love to have a man like you, sounds to me that she's not interested in you the same way, you needa tell her how you really feel and if she keeps it up maybe you should see what's really going on? Someone else, personal problems, maybe something is going on with her, think about you if you wanna live like that, if not move on more fish in the sea you could always get better* besides shouldn't be that hard for you you seem like a sweet man... But face the facts* what's really going on? Be true to yourself*
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replied August 29th, 2006
I agree. I think most women would love to have a guy like you. I think your wife has gotten "used" to you doing these things for her all the time. She expects it now. Therefore, it's not as fun as it used to be when it first started. Do you see where i'm going w/ this? It also sounds like she's a little selfish. She may not even really realize it, but it does sound like she isn't as concerned w/ what you may want. I think the best thing for you to do would be to simply discuss these issues w/ your wife and both of you try to make it better for each of you. If she's smart, she'll understand and she'll meet you have way with all of this.

Good luck to you!
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