I've been going out with this amazing girl now for about 4 months and she means everything to me, we have some great times together and can get quite close with each other about our feelings. However, for the last week or so she has been treating me like I don't exist and choosing her friends over me. She says that I can sometimes be too paranoid about myself and that I think that I am unworthy of her. She wants to take a break in the relationship for a week and talk about our relationship then. Most of the time she's fine and we get along great. We have talked a bit but she doesn't show much interest anymore. I can't remember our last proper kiss. Worst of all I think she may be planning on getting together with another guy. However, 28 days earlier, out of blue she decides that I still have a thing for my ex-girlfriend. She also subtly mentions how we should re-exchange our possesions. She's really annoying me at the moment, is this just because of her period? Should I try to forget her? I only have one week left and it's out of my hands.... Crying or Very sad
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replied January 16th, 2004
Anonymous
?
Hi ,
in reading your post I get one feeling ~~~
i think she's on her way out and iam sorry.
You mention is it becuse of her period? Does she get this upset
when she has it? If not I would'nt think so but iam just going on
me and I don't know her.
If ya came right out and asked and it was it's over i'd tell
her how ya feel and give her space
if you care show her and take care of yourself.Thats all I know.
If she thinks it's ur ex has she talked with her?
Or is it just an excuse?
If you have given her no reason to think so i'd say it's the later.
Again iam sorry
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replied January 17th, 2004
Hey again, thanks for your concern. The thing with her period is that she did change drastically even at the very beginning of our relationship and things can suddenly change e.G. Straight after the thing to do with my ex, a few minutes after being furious with me she sent me a text message changing her mind saying how she had been wrong and the next night we went to a party and she was talking to my ex and being really friendly to her, that same night I slept at her house and things were better than ever. It seems to be different reasons each period. I am also a little curious as to why she decided to take a week break? Is it to seriously re-consider the relationship? Or to try and break up with me less painfully? Why not a simple, clean break-up? One week ago, things were going perfect and she constantly tod me how much she loved me. Just recently I told her that 'i can learn from my mistakes and want a second chance however, the fate of our relationship is her decision and im going to respect that however painful it may be because I want her to be happy'. And I do want her to be happy, but it's not goin to be easy to get over her. It's mainly because I look up to her too much and she says 'it puts yourself down and doesn't make me feel good'. I've talked to her about this and basically explained how it was just because I care about her so much, but don't always find the best way of showing it, but this week is helping me to re-establish myself and show me who I am, not someone who tries to be the person I think she wants me to be. Please help! What will happen between us.
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replied May 26th, 2004
Relationship
Hey there, reading your post, it seems as if your partner has some issues with commitment?? Maybe she is or has been thinking about a change?? This is why you must love yourslf and god before getting deap into someone....Just my 2cents, hope i'm not to harsh. Ps, try praying about it that the lord will show you the right thing to do :d
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replied May 26th, 2004
Experienced User
I really dont think its a period thats causing her to be this way, maybe im wrong but sounds like your looking for any excuse, maybe its the friends shes hanging out with that are influencing her to go this way, I know its upsetting to think you might loose someone you care about but think about the long run what if things get better for now and a year later she treats you the same way, your only going to get hurt more, sounds like shes unstable and afraid of commitment, maybe you should start acting different act like you dont care, sometimes role reversal works I know I was once that girl, and treated my now husband like crap because I knew I had him no matter what I did hed always be there taking me back, until one day he told me he met someone and wanted to end things with us, that was a wake up a call for me lets just say, I cannot imagine my life without him. Weve been together 10 years, if this girl cant give you what you want then think of it as her loss, theres someone out there that will give you the love and respect you deserve, I hope things work out for you, good luck
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replied May 26th, 2004
Experienced User
You know the saying if you love something set it free and absense makes the heart grow fonder. Sometimes a little distance gives a person a chance to realize how important someone is in their life. If she doesn't come back to you then it sounds like her loss. I promise in time your heart will stop hurting and you will meet someone new. Wink
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replied September 11th, 2004
Active User, very eHealthy
Trust me, been there, done that! I know exactly how you feel and i'm sorry to say from the sounds of things you need to move on. Even if you love her you need to love you first. I had a drastic change in my life from my previous boyfriend who I loved very much. He woke up one day and decided he didn't want to be with me anymore. He had told me he loved me many times too! At that point in my life I was absolutly devastated. I went through a depression for awhile and decided I was in controll of my life now. I started hanging out with guys just as friends. I soon came to realize friends is pretty much impossible with guys. They seem to only want more. I made up this promise to myself that I wouldn't date any guys for atleast a year. This gave me time to get to know the real me with nobody distracting me. Well, it changed when one day I got down and prayed to god that he would find me someone to love for the rest of my life. I had hit bottem with men and realized I didn't want anymore games. The next day I ran into a old friend from my past who I had known since first grade. We started hanging out as just friends, but he liked me too much to stay that way. I promised myself that I would be me throughout this friendship and that friendship has turned into a very happily marriage of one year so far. I just want to say there's a reason for this and although it's hard to see it right now you will be okay. Walk away from this relationship as a proud person who learned from this relationship. If it's meant to be it will just happen for you. You can't force something that's not working.
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replied December 26th, 2004
Tough
That's a tough one.

As for bootsie's response, her honesty is good and it sounds like something to consider. Hoever, how horrible is it that a guy has to act like he doesn't care about a girl for her to "wake up"? Could someone tell me what is up with that? Is that common, ladies?

Why does your girlfriend think you're putting yourself down? It sounds like you're just respecting her needs. Are saying things like she's too good for you? I know that can be a turnoff, though it seems like women might appreciate a guy that's stable and good at what he does and concedes to here wishes when reasonable. If you are indeed a guy that's got things going well in his life otherwise, and seems to be secure in himself otherwise, and doesn't tell her that he doesn't deserve her (and maybe even if you do tell her that), I wouldn't think a good girlfriend would be so turned off. And it's only once a month that she expresses these things, it's on about a 28 day cycle, and she's otherwise into you? That does indeed sound like pms. That you can deal with, especially if she's willing to hear it and think about it to the depth that she can recognize what she's doing to you on such occasions, can't you? Worth considering anyhow, it seems.

In the end, it seems that if someone cannot appreciate you, you need to think about that, i'd think. If you don't appreciate yourself, then people are influenced by that, too.
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