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Bi Polar And No Sex Drive (Page 1)

My husband was diagnosed 3 years ago with bi polar and we have been treating it with medication. Recently he had a relapse and has even had episodes of pychoticness. He is on 1mg of risperdal at bedtime and 300mg of lithium 3 times a day. Recently he has had no sex drive or desire. Is it the medication or me?
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First Helper Su543
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replied July 22nd, 2006
Bi-polar & No Sex Drive
Do not take his lack of sex drive personally. It is the medication. This is something I have been dealing with half my life. I am a 36 yr. Old female who was diagnosed as a teenager. The lack of sex drive is always been a problem for me. I had a doctor once explain to me that basically the medications calm all emotions including sexual feelings. This actually was such a problem in my first marriage that we divorced. Lucky for me I was able to find a wonderful man who is very understanding and accepts me for who I am. Living with someone who is bi-polar takes a lot of patience and understanding. Just remember don't take any of the drastic mood changes personally.
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replied March 26th, 2009
my girlfriend of 4 years/bipolar
I'm just finding out that the reason she always called me bipolar is that she is in fact bipolar. she has driven me crazy for the past 4 years, in part because she can tell a story with no effort and seem true!

recently she had an episode in an airport and was running throughout the terminal going from plane to plane and even assaulted airport law enforcement, they then sent her to a state menatal institute. all verifiable.

her "boyfriend" picks her up from the hospital and I believe 2 hours later they were having sex. I even called the boyfriend and he verifies that they are together. cool, I'm free and clear and am estatic.

now she calls me, after her family threatens her with expolsion for being with this fella, she calls me and explains that the medication she has been given at the hospital comes with a "no sex" while on medication rule!! now I'm crazy again because this sounds like a pathological lie that was given enough time to create.
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replied October 2nd, 2009
Whitebull, I'm right there with you. My husband was diagnosed with rapid cycling bipolar disorder three years and three months ago. Until about a year ago, he was very unstable, but had a sex drive. Then with a complicated cocktail of medicine that stabilized the bipolar symptoms, his sex drive completely diminished. We've had sex only about three times over the last year. My husband's psychiatrist assures him that it's the medication (he's on about six different psychotropic meds), and that he will keep playing with the combination until he finds one that both stabilizes my husband's moods AND allows him a sex drive.

My husband's lack of sex drive was something I accepted as part of the process of stabilizing his disease. But recently, as we've approached the "one year, no sex" mark, I have become incredibly depressed. I'm 28 and he's 30. We'd like to start a family, but it's virtually impossible right now. It seems like half the women I know are pregnant, and I learn about a new pregnancy just about every week. I've found it incredibly depressing, and have lately found myself weeping just thinking about the fact that we're not even having sex, let alone planning a baby.

I want to be wanted and desired, and I want to be able to conceive. I long for the kind of emotional connection most women find in sex with their husbands. I love my husband deeply and desperately, and for me, giving up isn't an option. But at the same time, for most women sex is more emotional than it is physical, and, frankly, that reality is taking a toll on our marriage and the extent to which I am content. It's hard to admit that.

Hang in there--and get your husband to ask your doctor to find a combination of meds that gives him back his sex drive. I hope we both get there!
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replied October 3rd, 2009
bipolar
Rosa is now living with me, she is almost a new woman, she finally sleeps for very long periods of time. even looks healthier, gained a lot of wight, but over all she is so much better.

however she recently played me for a shopping spree, saying we would have sex after her period but as in the past she put it over on me, i gott totally pissed this time and lost me cool, because now my bills aren't paid, we got into an arguement, some shoving and alot of verbal abuse. but two hours later we were sleeping in the same bed.

this stuff is driving me crazy and now I think I am bipolar. or suffering from madness.
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replied July 7th, 2010
I hear you Laynie
I'm feeling similar emotions Laynie. My husband has been bipolar for about 12 years now; we've been married 1 1/2 yrs. He recently switched medication and appears to be a lot more stable but it has done nothing for his sex drive. Combined with his regular neurosis we have been having less and less sex. It has been about three months now. His psychiatrist said they can't really do much about the sex drive without taking him off his meds. They recommended we go to couples counseling in the meantime to see if we can fix any of it that way.
When I have brought up my feelings regarding wanting to feel desired and wanted he gets very defensive and depressed about it, so I've tried not to make it about me (which is very hard after a while). I'm getting to the point where I can't even pleasure myself without becoming completely distracted by all these thoughts. In the end I just end up feeling really guilty. I really hope that the counselor will help us at least to learn how to talk about it without feeling guilty or depressed. Ironically we still love to cuddle; it's just getting past that point that is hard. We haven't quite reached the baby point but I can see that becoming a problem too. I honestly am very nervous about raising a child with a bipolar spouse. At least he wouldn't have to go through postnatal depression.

It's easy to feel like you are the only person in this situation but you're not. These discussion groups are good reminders.
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replied November 10th, 2011
Turned on...and off...bipolar, does it work that way?
My husband will begin getting a "hard-on", and then get clear away from me, stating he is not in the mood...I feel like he is lying to me,but he insists it is his medication. How can he get hard and not want to touch me? All this started after I started on anti-depressants and gained weight.
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replied August 23rd, 2012
How do I get over the feelings of not being wanted by my bf with bipolar. he has no sex drive when he is awake but will wake me up because he wants to have sex when her is asleep. I want to say no and stop it but i'm so ecstatic he wants to do something I jump at it...I don't know what to do. I wish a Dr could give me something that could make me not want sex because everything else in our relationship is good. We never fight his swings aren't extreme and he takes his meds like he us supposed to. I feel like a terrible person because it hurts so much even when we talk about it.
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replied August 23rd, 2012
How do I get over the feelings of not being wanted by my bf with bipolar. he has no sex drive when he is awake but will wake me up because he wants to have sex when her is asleep. I want to say no and stop it but i'm so ecstatic he wants to do something I jump at it...I don't know what to do. I wish a Dr could give me something that could make me not want sex because everything else in our relationship is good. We never fight his swings aren't extreme and he takes his meds like he us supposed to. I feel like a terrible person because it hurts so much even when we talk about it.
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replied September 7th, 2012
Hi,
My boyfriend has bipolar and we have been together for a year and a half.
Prior to our relationship he was a real womaniser and slept with heaps of women....
The beginning of our relationship we seamed to have a lot of sex but it has become so less frequent.
It has now been 8 weeks.
We have a very loving relationship but he insists that its his medication that is doing this... He hasn't changed his medication since we have been together so Im finding it hard to believe that that's the problem...
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replied September 7th, 2012
Hi,
My boyfriend has bipolar and we have been together for a year and a half.
Prior to our relationship he was a real womaniser and slept with heaps of women....
The beginning of our relationship we seamed to have a lot of sex but it has become so less frequent.
It has now been 8 weeks.
We have a very loving relationship but he insists that its his medication that is doing this... He hasn't changed his medication since we have been together so Im finding it hard to believe that that's the problem...
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replied September 7th, 2012
Hi,
My boyfriend has bipolar and we have been together for a year and a half.
Prior to our relationship he was a real womaniser and slept with heaps of women....
The beginning of our relationship we seamed to have a lot of sex but it has become so less frequent.
It has now been 8 weeks.
We have a very loving relationship but he insists that its his medication that is doing this... He hasn't changed his medication since we have been together so Im finding it hard to believe that that's the problem...
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replied September 17th, 2012
hi, my girlfriend is similar, we,ve been together nearly 2 yrs and at the start it was great but now she says shes off sex, if i make sexual references to her she gets anoyed and says its not all about sex etc, she has alot of hypermania where she is awake alot and rushing around at all hours, shes on anti depresants but i cant help thinking shes seeing someone else as when i read about bipoar i see it can be a sympton. now im constantly worried she cheating and making myself ill. she always dresses nice and gets alot of attetion of men so it would be easy for her. i love her so much and help her as much as i can, i hope its just low sex drive and nothing else...
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replied October 4th, 2012
My boyfriend and I have only been together for 6 months. He hasn't told me that he is bipolar. His mother slipped up and told me yesterday. She thought I knew. Reading all the symptoms it seems obvious.

We recently fought about not having enough sex. I am 26 and he is 38... I thought it was an age thing.

How do I get him to tell me about being bipolar without getting his mother in trouble. He is so quick to get angry.

Also, I think he is slipping into depression... we moved and he hasn't seen a Dr. and I am not sure if he is even on meds....

Lost and confused with an boyfriend suffering from bipolar and worried about how to help.
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replied October 3rd, 2012
Hi, my husband is not diagnosed but I think he is bipolar. he gambles every paycheck away and now he just got laid off from his job after twenty Years. So things arent so great. I don't know how I'm going pay for the mortgage now. I. Stay at home mom that four kids.I can't do everything. I feel over. Worked cause he just sleeps. When he's awake he just barks orders.
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replied October 31st, 2012
I've had a problem similar to this.
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replied January 19th, 2013
I've had a bipolar bf. Left him.
Thanks everyone who's posted here. I googled 'bipolar and low libido' to read more about what my ex was going through. He's bipolar and despite looking strong and healthy, very attractive, he had low libido and eventually this came down to zero. Initially I blamed myself, wondering if I was unattractive but I'd get compliments from friends that I looked good and would wonder why he couldn't see that! Then I didn't know what to do with my healthy libido, I thought I had myself a strong man with healthy sex drive, but much as he was romantic and loved cuddles, it was very difficult for him to extend all that to love making. And the few times we had sex (once a week at most), it felt very emotionless and technical, he was not able to take his time and make love to me (hardly any foreplay), it was just bang bang sex. And I'd get so confused - I was beginning to feel like my expectations were too high or I was being unfair for wanting what he didn't seem to be able to give. I also identify with what Erin has said up there, and thanks for sharing that Erin, I felt I'm not alone, he'd wake up in the middle of the night wanting sex regardless of whether i was ready or not. Communication between us also dissipated because he'd withdrew a lot. Eventually I left him, after weighing my options and the implications for the future, and it being a young rshp of 7 months, and me not feeling loved, I left. What I did for him was Atleast build support around his family because none of them knew that he was bipolar. They're making sure he gets the right treatment. It's very hard to be in a relationship with someone who's bipolar, and you feel guilty and confused when you think of your own needs not being met. Relationships are complex, but one with a bipolar person is too complex. I guess I was able to get out because we'd not committed to anything, was still early, but I guess it's different if you've been dating for a while or are married.
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replied January 23rd, 2013
bipolar GF
I cant begin to express how grateful I am for finding this site!!!! Su543 was the most helpful post for me and really what made me contribute to this...

I just ended a relationship with a wonderful woman whom I am still very much in love with... but, I was going crazy!!! To me, she is the most beautiful woman on the planet.... but, I felt like I was walking on eggshells most of the time. Bipolar was only part of the issue. Since we split which was mutual, very sad but also very freeing for me, I have spent a lot of time looking back on what I coild have done differently and blamed myself for the lack of sex between us. She is in amazing shape and works out constantly... I have been tryi g to get my business back on track and I didnt go to the gym which caused me to gain weight... and made me feel unattractive when it combined with almost constant rejection to my advances. I know that she would wake up and want to but, I am such a sound sleeper that I missed many opportunities which I found out about in the morning.

The biggest thing that I see now is how she was veiwed by other people... she was very withdrawn and intraverted... one person I know called her the "mute". I have come to view her mood as what I would describe best as "flat". It was just flat... I would suggest we go do something and all I would get was maybe... I also see the affect her darker, low energy mood had on me, my work and what I had put on hold to be with her.

We never had a cross word between us and on Friday we are meeting to exchange the christmas gifts we never exchanged and she also has somethings of mine... I cant help but think that she wanted me to escape and find someone who would make me happier... it is a bleesing to know more about the side effects of the meds and I feel.much better going into what will be a very emotional meeting.

Thank you... j
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replied January 23rd, 2013
I cant begin to express how grateful I am for finding this site!!!! Su543 was the most helpful post for me and really what made me contribute to this...

I just ended a relationship with a wonderful woman whom I am still very much in love with... but, I was going crazy!!! To me, she is the most beautiful woman on the planet.... but, I felt like I was walking on eggshells most of the time. Bipolar was only part of the issue. Since we split which was mutual, very sad but also very freeing for me, I have spent a lot of time looking back on what I coild have done differently and blamed myself for the lack of sex between us. She is in amazing shape and works out constantly... I have been tryi g to get my business back on track and I didnt go to the gym which caused me to gain weight... and made me feel unattractive when it combined with almost constant rejection to my advances. I know that she would wake up and want to but, I am such a sound sleeper that I missed many opportunities.
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replied January 23rd, 2013
I cant begin to express how grateful I am for finding this site!!!! Su543 was the most helpful post for me and really what made me contribute to this...

I just ended a relationship with a wonderful woman whom I am still very much in love with... but, I was going crazy!!! To me, she is the most beautiful woman on the planet.... but, I felt like I was walking on eggshells most of the time. Bipolar was only part of the issue. Since we split which was mutual, very sad but also very freeing for me, I have spent a lot of time looking back on what I coild have done differently and blamed myself for the lack of sex between us. She is in amazing shape and works out constantly... I have been tryi g to get my business back on track and I didnt go to the gym which caused me to gain weight... and made me feel unattractive when it combined with almost constant rejection to my advances. I know that she would wake up and want to but, I am such a sound sleeper that I missed many opportunities.
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replied January 28th, 2013
Hi,

Not sure why it put my post up so man times...

Well, I went and met with my former girlfriend for the last time... I went into the meeting with so much more information and well prepared thanks to the posts I found here... thank you all again.

The thing I really noticed, after not seeing her for a month, was how flat her expressions were... She is so hard to read and I realize that was part of what was driving me crazy! I can only describe it as "flat"...

I know it is the medication and the part of the woman that I am in love with will never really be there for me...

I did end it responsibly and told her that if she ever needed something and didnt know who to call... she could call me. I dont think I will ever get that call...

Thank you again... I am moving on.

J
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replied January 28th, 2013
Hi,

Not sure why it put my post up so man times...

Well, I went and met with my former girlfriend for the last time... I went into the meeting with so much more information and well prepared thanks to the posts I found here... thank you all again.

The thing I really noticed, after not seeing her for a month, was how flat her expressions were... She is so hard to read and I realize that was part of what was driving me crazy! I can only describe it as "flat"...

I know it is the medication and the part of the woman that I am in love with will never really be there for me...

I did end it responsibly and told her that if she ever needed something and didnt know who to call... she could call me. I dont think I will ever get that call...

Thank you again... I am moving on.

J
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