I know that this is a strange type of question but....

I am having many problems with my parents. Everything is a medical nightmare. I myself am 22 years old....Still living with my parents and the problem is this....For one, my father is recovering from years of drug addiction...Was cocaine, then went on methadone for about 10 years to get off a couple street drugs and then got off of methadone and valium. Since then he has been hospitalized about 4 times and is now on 3 or 4 different medications....Benzos....He's been on them for years, and says he can't get off. He doesnt go out of the house, he's been inside for close ot 4 years I believe now. The only time he goes out is to buy alcohol. He drinks 3-5 beers per day, along with some vodka. He complains about everything and starts arguments....He refuses to go to the doctor to get better because he says they don't care and are all about the money. The one he is going to now i'm sure is, and he doesn't want to change because the doctor does just what he wants....Gives him his medicines and he's done. My father claims that there is nothing that can make him better and says he's on his last stretch of life. He is only 53 !!!! Can I help someone who does not want to be helped and does not think that he can be helped ?!

So that is the problem with my father....

My mother, while the problems are very different, also refuses to get help for herself. She is depressed first off about everything going on with my father....Always depressed, sometimes completely angry with how he is. Now i'll say first that my grandmother, my mother's mother who I never met, died of colon cancer that spread all over the body at the age of 39. My mother is 49 now and along with having high blood pressure, has symptoms of what I fear could be cancer. She smiles it off and says she's fine. She has a large growth in her abdomen area. At first glance, it seems just like a belly, but it is a growth actually under the lower part of the belly. She claims that many women get that when they have their children cut out that way. *sigh* it just doesn't seem logical. She tries to deny any problems. Also, she even made an appointment with a gynecologist just a month or so back due to pain in her breast, and this was the first time ever that she took the initiative to find what is wrong. And, just as I thought she would, she cancelled the appointment, and says "nah i'm fine don't worry." two nights ago, she lost her speech and became very confused, along with her hands completely weakened and pain in the front right side of her head. She also busted a blood vessel in her eye. Everything that I looked up says this must be a stroke. This has happened a few times before to her and a couple times even to my father. As I speak, she is getting confused and having trouble speaking, again. Any time I tell her that I need to call the ambulance, or even just take her to the hospital right near here, she says "no don't you dare, i'll get nervous and then something bad will happen." so I am always afraid. I don't want to get her even more nervous and have everything spiral out of control even more after I dial 911 and they rush in here late at night.

My question in all of this is : is there anything, anything, anything at all that I can do since both of my parents refuse to get help, and say that they don't even need it (only they know that they do) ??? What is there to do ? It makes me go crazy every day. I can't take it

thank you so much in advance for your response
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replied June 26th, 2006
Experienced User
Although i'm not an overly religious person, your post reminds me of.....

The serenity prayer

god, grant me the serenity
to accept the things
i cannot change

courage to change the things I can

and the wisdom to know the difference

at first glance, it looks as if nothing can be done, as people are quite stubborn and set in their ways. Especially if they have no desire to change! What would give the desire?.........Probably something to look forward to............For example, many people define themselves by what job they have.......And despite complaining, they take great pride in what title they have. Both your parents sound depressed and stuck in a rut...Where everyday is the same.....So why bother to change?
Help is out there...........But first they got to want to go........And lastly...It's normal to be worried about everything and everybody at your age...........However there's a point when you have to be concerned for yourself and your future.
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replied July 23rd, 2006
Active User, very eHealthy
Beyondforever:


unfortunately some people are beyond help. Some people do not want to get help. No matter who offers it. It will be hard for you to accept because they are your parents.

You cannot help those who do not want to be helped.

(i know this because my uncle is pretty much the same as your dad)

you just need to be there for them, and make sure they know it. Just some things are out of your power. They are adults remember. Stay positive.

I hope this helps hun.
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