Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Disorder Forum

Broken Relationship Due to Bipolar & Adhd

My gf broke up with me 4 months ago.

We spent alot of time trying to work stuff out. In the process shareing some of the best times we've ever had. However 2 months later she called it fully off. One later (which is also about a month ago today)
i was dignosed with adhd & bipolar.

Shes suffered from depression earlyer on in her life. And is still medicated for it. We where together for a year.

A few weeks after meeting her we where practically living together and where that couple that made everyone in the world jeloues of what we shared. 4-5 months into we started having small probelms that where just seen as nothing to unsual. Things only contined to get worse.

We where deeply in love. But it wasnt working. For reasons that just didnt make sense. Puelry tiny tiny things. These reasons make alot of sense to me now though. I moved out towards the end last year. To see if that would help. We where still always inseperable. We'd already planned the rest of our lives together. It was the real thing. A few weeks before we broke up. We had a large argument on the phone that almost led to a brake up. In replie she sent me a email expressing her undevided love for me. She broke up with me because she needed space. Promising me that we'd get back together. It never happened.

She had mentioned a few times some of the way I acted weren't normal and that I should see someone. Aswell as mentioning a few major things I need to work on in that last email. I took disregarded. I just thought I had faluts in my personality it'll work itself out. I also have rapid-cycling bipolar. And I can idetify quite a few minor and major episodes during our relationship that has seriosuly effected things.

A month ago when I rang her and told her my dignosis her voice lifted so much. And we had the best conversation we've had in month. Later that day she lost her job. Shes already in alot of det. And this couldnt of came at a worse time. We spoke a little over next week. I got a little to pushy and being on a few meds for the first time probably didnt help things.

I wanted to wait a while before trying to talk about weather there was maybe a future still for us. I didnt wait very long. She has her stuff to sort out. So do i. My #1 priority should be me and it is. I couldnt be with her right now it would be silly. But I lover her and want to work this out so there is a strong possablity in the future. The last time we spoke being about 3 weeks ago. She told she couldnt handle this right now. Since then i've only sent a short text msg.

I really have no idea what to do. There is possably a new guy on the scene I don't know. I need to regain some connection or something.

I read all these girls writing on here with concerns for there ill bf's that won't do anything about there condition. And I am doing every thing possable. Never forgetting to take meds. Knowing all the side effects.
Reading, reserching understanding my illness. And from a spouse's point of view! I just have no idea... Any advice would be great!
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 3rd, 2009
Bipolar disorder is one of those disorders that affect mood and judgment. And ADHD affects concentration and may lead to anger-management problems. These disorders alter your life on a daily basis; and until you gain some semblance of stability, you can't really expect to be in a stable relationship. Your girlfriend herself also seems to be having problems of her own; which is not surprising, since unstable people tend to find each other.

Really, you don't need to return to an unstable relationship! You can start fresh and learn from your mistakes. It's best to move on when it seems that other people are pulling themselves away from you.

In addition, the relationship, as you have mentioned, began and ended quickly and spontaneously. This is true of all relationships that have an accelerated pace. They don't give people enough time to accommodate to change.

Do some online research on relationships that "move too fast", "intimacy issues" and "need for space", and I'm sure you'll get a lot of answers to your questions. Or better yet,read reputable books about relationships; even if that seems like a "needy" thing to do. It will give you a fresh perspective on life and will aid you in differentiating healthy vs. unhealthy attachments. And it may also prepare you to think through your actions so that you can break bad habits. For ex, did you know that we are more likely to feel attached to people who allow us to "re-experience" the relationship patterns that we have had with our peers/parents in the past? (since they are are the ones that are most familiar to us?) A fresh perspective may help you understand your relationship patterns.

Good luck.
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 4th, 2009
Experienced User
making time for a love life is so hard when you have to go through so much personal sticky stuff. if you want to keep her as your significant other, talk to her about loyalty and trust. then explain that it is important for you both to be more withdrawn so that you can recover fully and get your life in control. Chances are she does not want another intimate partner. Be grateful and make sure she knows that she is a motivating force in your life. She is a loved one and you guys can coach each other through this difficult time. You should be on an antidepressant and an anti-psychotic to treat your lows and your mania. For anxiety attacks they have sub-lingual medicine that dissolves under the tongue and treats it as needed. Talk to your doctor and work out the appropriate budget. Talk about the latest breakthroughs in medicine maybe effexor and zeldox or cortisol and ativan.
Did you find this post helpful?
Must Read
Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (AD/HD) is a neurobiological disorder that can interfere in a person's daily life. Learn more about ADHD basics here....
Have doctors found an exact cause of ADHD? Do biological factors or genes have anything to do with it? More on causes and risks of ADHD development here....
What are the symptoms of ADHD and when do they first present? We outline the principal characteristics of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder to help you...