My name is kezia and I am 18 years old. Everyone says that I am in a abusive relationship but I don't see it, maybe because I love him, I am goint to explain our relationship, someone please give me advice!!


I meet this guy a little over two years ago. I was 16 at the time and he was 19. I thought he was the most handsome man I had ever seen, everything about him appealed to me. I live in a small town and around here there isn't anything to do but park in parking lots and a lot of people pull up and just stand around and that's how I meet him. He finally asked me out and we started going out to the movies and stuff. I am a country girl and he is a big redneck and real popular in our town. He knows everyone and I loved that. He was so nice to me the first few months we dated, he brought me roses to work, called me everyday, we never argued at all. I was starting to fall in love, I mean really in love, he is all I thought about, we did everything together.

After months of dating he started to get a lot more possesive. He did not like hardly any of my friends and so he tried his best to keep me away from them by getting mad at me if I did stuff with them and so I quit talking to all of them b/c I didn't want him mad at me. Although I had to hang out with his friends. Then he started getting mad at me over the smallest things like if I was 20 minutes late getting home he would get mad. I literally had to spend all my time with him. I had wrecked my car and so he was taking me to school and picking me up and spending all evening with him. It was great I mean I loved hanging out with him but we were starting to fight all the time. I got him a good job working 3rd shift and everything went to hell from there really fast. He started staying ill all the time, he makes comments to me like I work all damn night what do you do? He had bought me an engagment ring and we were going to get married as soon as I turned 18.

My family and friends were noticing a change in me. I was never around, I was ill when I was around them. He never has hit me or anything but has threatned to many times over stupid stuff. He began treating me more like his daughter than his fiance.

I had to start asking him before I did anything. He has started getting mad at me and playing mind games like if he called me and I would be asleep or something he would not answer his phone when I call him back and then he would text me and acuse me of cheating or something crazy like that.

Anyway he broke up with me out of the blue one day and it broke my heart, I could't get out of bed for like 2 months. Then he started calling me again an was being all nice, we talked casually for like 3 months and then we started dating again. This time he was the same as before, only worse, I tried to not back talk him and do everything he said because I love him so much and I didn't want him to leave again but we ended up breaking up again back in december. For the past 5 months we have still been talking and seeing each other but he still get gelous over everything and because I am weak I guess and I love him I put up with it. He keeps me on edge because everyday I have to worry about not pissing him off. I cant seem to let go of him because every other guy I meet I compare to him. I don't like guys that arn't bossy anymore because I got so used to being controlled I dont know how to be with anyone else(my b/f before him was controlling to).

He has a very bad temper and I missed my period this month so I am worried about that right now. All my friends and family tell me to stay away from him and I cant seem to be able to break free, for some reason I keep hanging on. Most everyone in this town thinks he is this great guy b/c I am the only one he acts that way to. He dont think he is doing anything worng. Is this a abusive relationship? How should I handle it? I love him but I dont know what to do?
Did you find this post helpful?
|

replied May 26th, 2006
Your Boy Friend
First of all I think your boyfriend needs help. Second I know you love him but hun love is blind. Your young yet and you have your whole life in front of you. Im telling u from experience. Ive been down the road u r traveling. I dated a guy for 4 yrs. I thought he was the best thing that ever happen to me. Then one day it all changed and it wasent for the better. I left this guy but by the time left him it was to late. It ruined me for life. Now I have no one and im afarid of men. I ve made a choice to stay single out of fear. Please hun dont let your life end up that way. Men arent worth it. This is just my advice its up to you. It has to be. Dont make the wrong choice. Hope everything works out and you do the right thing. If u care to talk more u can email me.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 3rd, 2006
For Kezia
Girl,
you may love this guy, but you are in an abusive relationship. The handwriting is on the wall.

He is showing all the classic symptoms of an abuser. And you are showing all the classic symptoms of a girl caught up in it, and being controlled and manipulated.

Life is short. You must learn to be strong and make good choices. A good rule is to only allow those people in your life that add value to it, not tear you down.

God has something better for you if you will allow him to be your guide. :)

god bless and help you,

been there
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 4th, 2006
Experienced User
Thank you both for replying to my message. What you both said is so very true. I did want to write back and let yall know that I have not talked to him in about a week or more. I spent all day last saturday with him and then I didnt talk to him until monday and I saw him in mcdonalds, he waved and was with his friends and didnt say anything else to me and I have not heard from him since, but I am sure in a week or so he will start calling again. I got into a college that is a little over an hour away from here. My step sister and I are moving up there to work and go to school. I miss him like heel and it hurts but I am going to do this for myself and not live for him anymore. I would like to think that if he calls, I will just simply hit ignore or possibly have my number changed.
God bless
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 4th, 2006
Your Boyfriend
Baby,
it looks like to me he's been playing head games. You're young and you deserve better than that.
You won't be the first girl or woman to fall in love with a player. It's so easy to fall in love and so hard to get over it when it goes wrong, but sis, the handwritings on the wall with this guy.
What's he's showing you and the way he's behaving is not love, it's control and messing with your head........And life.
You have to power to say no to abuse. I hope and pray you will stay strong and not give in to your emotions. This is an addiction and like any addiction it can be healed.

Pray for strength and you will get it.

Been there
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 7th, 2006
Experienced User
He did contact me again and started that crap with me coming to see him and I am trying really hard to let him go. I guess the reason that makes it harder is that I am scared of being alone. I mean this is the first time in like 4 years I have not had a steady boyfriend and it is weird lol. I know I am young and I have to be patient and all and I really am trying. I just feel sometimes like he is the only one for me and then sometimes I feel ok, so my emotions are going crazy right now. He never did cheat on me or anything like that and I guess that is another reason I cling to him b/c I am scared I won't find another honest guy but who knows...
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 8th, 2006
Don't feel guilty over falling back into it sis. It happens to all of us at one time or another when we love someone.
I was thinking this..........If you felt confused, torn and like something was wrong with your relationship with this guy, maybe your instincts were right.
Sometimes what keeps us in the same relationship, even when it's not right, is fearing change. It's almost like we stay in wrong relationships because of the fear and uncertainty of changing. Change is hard. We tend to stay in what's familiar to us.
I feel that you are a smart girl with a lot to offer the right guy. I'll be praying for you that you wll learn to make good decisions now and in the future, whether it's staying with this guy, (if he will treat you right), or with someone that god has chosen for you. He can pick just the right person if we trust him enough to do so. :)

best of luck dear heart! :)

been there
|
Did you find this post helpful?