Medical Questions > Relationships > GLBT Relationships Forum

Attracted to Older Women? (Page 1)

For as long as I can remember I have always - can't think of the right word - admired? Older women. Since primary school I guess. Women on tv, teachers... I always thought I was weird as other girls my age seemed to be interested in only boy bands which bored me.
Anyway I dated guys in my teens and the thought of dating girls never entered my head. As i've gotten older I realise i'm not attracted to men but question whether I am attracted to women. As it seems unless they're a good say 10 years older there's no appeal. Am I looking for a mother figure? I don't know. Is it just admiration and wanting to be like these women rather than being attracted?
Any advice? :oops:
Did you find this post helpful?
First Helper thefrizz
|

replied May 9th, 2006
Hey,
you sound exatly like me, I havent had many boyfriends and I have always amired older women and never really thought about them sexually untill I realised I could be gay or bi.
I now think it is just about two people who love each other no matter what the sex you both are.
Someone told me that your feelings and body will tell you, meaning that butterflys in your tummy when you see that person,your whole being lighting up when ypou are with them.
Regarding the mother thing that could be a issue, I did have issues with mine which I have and am looking at.

All the best love:0)
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied May 9th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
shelly27 wrote:


someone told me that your feelings and body will tell you, meaning that butterflys in your tummy when you see that person,your whole being lighting up when ypou are with them.



All the best love:0)


that of the butterflies in your tummy is overrated. When I was younger I thought that was it but after being ditched after ditched with guys I felt butterflies for I learned that true love was not defined by butterflies but in their capabalities of commitment, understanding and sacrifice. Now that's how I fall in love.

But going to the topic a coworker of mine is married to a woman 10 years older than him. They are doing okay. I was told they did had problems (of sexual nature)at some point for her older age. She doesn't want that he looks young because the people at work make fun of them. In spite all they have had a succesful marriage I believe it is because he is a very good man like few out there that loves her and sacrifices for her no matter what.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 2nd, 2009
This is how I am as well. I am not sure when it began for me, but theres something that stands out in my mind. I was 13 , at my Christian camp, and was just completely obsessed with my camp counselor. I would get excited to be around her or talk to her and make up things so that she'd have to take me to the side and talk. She would dominate my thoughts later when I went home and later when I returned to camp, I made sure to make the request to have her as a counselor again.

I've read that this attraction to older women can be a result of an older woman accidentally stimulating you at a younger age. I definitely had those "warm" feelings when talking to her but as a result of my very sheltered upbringing, I still had no idea about sex.

Anyway, that was a long story. I still have a HUGE thing for older women. Men just cannot compare. Girls my age can't live up. Women are the only way to go for me these days.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Users who thank aj429 for this post: yllwtulips 

User Profile
replied April 7th, 2011
this story made me chuckle as I can relate very closely to it. I have had attractions for older women as far back as I can remember (1st grade perhaps). I do agree that it can be related to a mother-daughter relationship, but not necessarily. It seems that we tend to look at these attractions as fundamentally abnormal and hence we try to find a way to explain them. I'm not sure that it is all that abnormal. I think it can just be a matter of taste. Personally, I have always felt and behaved older than my age, so I always related to my elders much more than to my peers. There is much to find attractive about a woman who is older than yourself: experience, conversation, stability, confidence, nurture, sexuality, et c.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 25th, 2010
Is it wrong?
I have found my self getting obsessed with older women for as long as I can remember. Usually a mentor of some sort. I have had extream feelings for one amazing older woman for more than a decade now, and they still haven't gone away. I think that it comes from the emotional intimacy that I felt with her that I didn't felt with anyone else. Like I could tell her anything and not be judged. I felt like she actually cared what I said and how I felt. She was the only person that was there for me during the hardest time in my life. Now she is back in my life and I am so happy. I am also confused. I am happily married and would never cheat. And I am sure she wouldn't either. I really just want to be friends and that's it. I wish I could control these other thoughts, because they are making me feel guilty. Is it wrong to be friends with someone that I have these feeling for if I never act on them?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied August 30th, 2016
i too agree with your thoughts. i don't see anything wrong with being friends with her. take it easy and don't assume anything from the past. growing up i had the same problem especially with one married women who i worked with during summers, also with a single teacher earlier.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 6th, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
marriedmom

Your friends should be people that you're attracted to. They should have virtues you admire and be people you crave spending time with. If you're friends of either gender or any age are persons you feel sexual attraction towards, it isn't appropriate to have a close relationship with them when you're in a committed relationship. That said, these situations happen all of the time to people in relationships. My advice is that you be honest with your partner, and for that matter with yourself, about the nature of your feelings with this person, and evaluate their role in your life accordingly.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 18th, 2010
Older woman
I'm 29 and for the past 3 years i have had very strong feelings for a woman in hee 50s. She was my lecturer at uni. I've since finished and i don't see her except at walmart were we stop and talk for hours. I don't know anything abouy her personal life, and haven't said much about mine but we just talk about stuff. I feel when i meet her i want to explode my heart races and i just want to say that i'm crazy about her. But i'm so scared that she'll be offened and then she'll be out of my life. I say that because she is very prim and proper. I really want to tell her that i think about her all day and imagine what it would be like to be with her and i don't think she has a clue about even my sexuality. I feel like i'm getting obsessed! Which i'm not, but these feelings are more than just a crush. Please help
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied June 7th, 2011
i think it's better for you to tell her about your feelings.i'm 19 an it's been 4 years i'm having a GREAT relationsship with an older woman.she is about 40.i feel the same way about her.
i could not find a friend like her.because girls in my age are mostly intersted in boys or things like that!wich i'm not and she is not 2!
when i told her about my feelings-actually i wrote her- she started acting more friendly.
you know?love is not about age or sex or anything else!!love is just love!!!if you love her, ok let her know!!we are all ALONE and we all need friends to feel more ALIVE.just go ahead and let her know.listen to your heart.if you FEEL you should tell her, then do it.she may feel the same.it's not impossible!!i've seen it!i've felt it!she can love you,not as much as you do.youre younger and have more flames!!but she can feel happy next to you and hear her own words coming out ofur mouth and spend her time being around you and feel like she is young again and there is still a heart beating for her!! let her feel she is LOVED deeply and truly!she needs it.just like we all do!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied October 6th, 2011
student and teacher distance romance
I was wondering the same thing. I have been attracted to older women all of my life mostly teachers or women in the neighborhood. As I get older it seems they get older and now I feel like the age difference is a lot. However there is a instructor from my Univ. I went to. I am finished with school and we still keep in contact. I have the butterflies, heart race and all of that. But my attraction for her goes much deeper. I told her I had a crush on her and we have both said we love each other. The problem is it does not go anywhere else. I think she thinks its just a crush. But, I would like to see if we could really start a relationship. She is 60 and I am almost 40. She knows I like women. We have shared a lot of deep intimate talks. I just don't know how to make the next move or even if I should. I would hate to upset her and loose her for ever.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied April 19th, 2013
I, also have always been attracted to older women...all my life!! I am 18 years old and i am gay. I have a 17 year old girlfriend that I've been on and off with for 5 years. we talk about buying home together but i feel like my hearts not in it because i want and older woman. I have been with a 40 year old woman and was almost with a 52 year old woman....but recently i started a new job at a drs office and theres a lady i work with who i am assuming is in her late 50's possibly in her 60's......man the first day i met her my heart melted...she's so outgoing and spontaneous. She says whatever she does whatever....she is cool as heck to be around and she listens to me when i need to talk. Ive only known her for 4 weeks now and im trying not to be to pushy...i try to control kyself but its so hatd every min of everyday i want to talk to her and be able to look at her. I get the shakes when im around her and kinda nervous....i make up reasons why i need to go in her office and periodically we text. I told her i was gay but not in a discomforting why...kinda in a way that wpuld make her curious. I even try to impress her by dping things a man would do because i do workout and am pretty built....but i know tgis is a long story...i want to tell her so bad how i feel but i am afraid i will drive her away...shpuld i be more patient and wait until we've known each other a little longer?? Another thing that makes this difficult and easy is shes widowed so i know shes very very lonley but also im scared that she has a gaurd up or maybe doesnt want to replace her past. She did say to me one day that she doesnt want just sex if shes going to move on with her life she wants a real relationship. She didn't say that until i shared one of my past relationships that was real bad and i guess she was trying to relate?? I dont know someone please help this woman is stuck in my head!!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied October 10th, 2013
Well goodness, I thought I was the only one in this world who was having these "abnormal" feelings. I am so beyond infatuated with this older lady who is 60 and I am 20. She is exquisite. This might be odd, but there is a part of me that thinks she might be feeling a certain something toward me to? Only because she does things that I pick up on that she wouldn't be doing if she weren't, say attracted to me or had mutual interest. Not trying to toot my own horn or anything. Heck, she asked me if I would like to come over sometime and help her make dinner. Now you tell me what you think. Any who, there was a period of time where I thought of pouring my heart and soul out to her, but I think I have come to a conclusion that as for now these feelings of mine will remain a secret. I should also mention that I have known this woman for about a year now, and have had these strong feelings for her for at least 6 months. I know this is crazy and it all seems odd, being attracted and longing for a relationship with an older woman but I can assure you my feelings are genuine. They are not of lust, although I do find her quite lovely, but of how we seem to connect and be able to feel so comfortable with one another. Maybe I'm a bit out of my mind, but hey "age is nothing but a number" right? Wink
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 17th, 2018
Yeah, same here. I am 22 and this lady is 62. We have known each other for about six months now. I have been completely ignoring my gut with even though I think she really wants a deep relationship with me. We have watched a couple movies at her place on the couch together. We have both made moves and the tension is real. I made the first move, coming up and tracing my hands along the length of her arms. She liked that and talked with me for hours afterwards. Then another night, I was there late and she offered me to sleep on the couch. Then we had tea and chatted for a bit. She said goodnight and was about to walk through the doorway, but then turned around and came up behind me on the chair. She massaged my shoulder and I, in shock (and knowing that I desperately needed to shower and brush my teeth) didn't do anything, so she held my cheeks and kissed the top of my head and then said goodnight. I regret that non-action, trust me. In public, she has grabbed my side and pulled me close to her and held me there for about a minute. She also kissed my cheek with open lips right by the earlobe one time as a goodbye kiss in public. She gives me direct eye contact a lot and asks personal questions about my future... We are starting a group together and she wants me to be more involved in her business. And just the other night, she pulled me in for a hug and afterwards pulled my head in and kissed my head. I mean, it really seems that she is attracted to me. I just need to stop doubting myself and doubting that I'm reading too much into things.

I say go for it with your lady. Go cook with her and see how it goes! Confidence is sexy, remember that.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 19th, 2018
Ok I need to know how this ended because I can "see" from a thousand miles that she is attracted to you!!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 25th, 2013
Its not bad whatsoever to be attracted to older women! I love them! I personally love this video of this older woman with this young man. Very sexy. It gets me every time, you need to see it!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied September 18th, 2015
This thread has been immensely affirming. I am attracted almost exclusively to women more than ten years my senior. I recently began pursuing friendships and romantic relationships according to this preference. I've had to break up with one of them, who repeatedly affirmed that she would love to be with me if I were twenty years older. Each time she said this, the statement felt more like an excuse not to take our relationship seriously. Has anyone else experienced something like this? I want to be as empathetic a friend and partner as possible.
Any resources or advice on communicating productively about age difference in an intimate partnership would be greatly appreciated.
Also, is there a word for us? i.e. Women (or youngsters of all genders) who love old/er women?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied October 5th, 2015
I find that I am getting the same response, on a general basis. The attraction is mutual, we have common interests, no reasons to not go forward, except ... the person I'm attracted to seems very reserved, to even go out!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied October 5th, 2015
I am definitely in this group. I am 22, almost 23, and I know that I am gay. I meet a lot of girls but, my age, but when I meet an attractive, confident, assertive, older woman, I do feel those butterflies that someone mentioned. My response is totally on a different level, about women in their 30's and 40's. If anyone has ideas about this, I am really trying to understand myself.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 23rd, 2015
being attracted to someone that's 60 when your 37 is strange enough, but when it's the same gender it really makes you question everything.ya that's where I'm at. It's not just a crush since its been going on for 5ish years. In that time (lol) I've had time to really think about my sexuality and wth is really going on. I guess I'm straight but with all this time to think about it, yes I've had girl crushes throughout life time to time and they've always been older, so I'm recognizing that now. I think it's normal, but this is the first time it's an intense attraction and I'm old enough to maturely recognize that I might be bisexual. It doesn't bother me at all but I am pretty open minded. My much older friend is just beautiful and ridiculously fit. I find myself wanting to be so much more like her so she is a good role model (although I'm 37 and never thought I'd need a role model at this age) she's mature, classy and very attractive. I see it in her eyes that she likes me as well but being classy etc, I doubt she'd ever talk about it. It's strange something so powerful can exist between two people but because of the nature of the topic, neither of us will just say it. I contemplate just telling her how much I'm attracted to her but never do. It'd be awkward and probably ruin our friendship. Not to mention we work out together at the gym (where we met) and that would become awkward for both of us.
Until now, I never understood the attraction to the opposite sex so clearly. I really want to miss her or just get closer. I won't though u less she is the one to jump first. It's not a bravery thing, it's mostly fear of losing her. Plus I like having this constant flame. I'd be a wreck without it. Not sure how many more years I can keep it in though. It's torcher. I'm fine when I'm with her, but after we go home she's all I think about. I have to resist texting her etc. I think she looks at me like a daughter figure. She has a daughter that is only 4 years younger than me. But I also sense more from her. At times she has flirted but I think we are both too proud to say it.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied February 22nd, 2016
Hi Everyone! i just Joined today! and i am Very Happy to know that there ARE some women out there that Might Like ME at 55... i am a 55yr old Thick Mexican Woman, and i have never been with a Woman BUT i am VERY Bi Curious and i wish i could Meet Someone Patient that could Teach Me
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied February 22nd, 2016
Good Morning Everyone! i may be IN on this too! i am a 55yr old Sweet & Thick Mexicn Woman from San Diego, CA... i am 5'7" Tall, appx 200lbs... and i am Sooooooooo VERY Bi Curious!!! i think about Women 24/7... i look at almost Everyone! and i wonder WHAT they Feel Like... what they Smell like... what they would Taste Like... OMG!!! it drives me Nutts!!!!! and its funny BUT i like alot of Younger Women!!! i have seen Older/Younger but i never thought it could happen to me!!! im soooooooooooo glad i found this Site!!!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 28th, 2016
Im a lesbian and im sexually and physically attracted to mainly older woman and idk what to do...I just want to be with an older woman but i CANT... ***IM 17
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 20th, 2016
Me too! I've always been attracted to women around my mom's age both physically and emotionally. It's hard enough to find nice girls who also like girls my age, so I hate being 'picky'. I just want to be with a woman and not a girl... but I'm only 17. I don't know why I feel this way but it seriously bothers me!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 1st, 2016
finally. figured. it. out.
This has answered so many questions for me and it has made all my seemingly random dating choices make sense. Even the losers---they were older. The fact that I never had crushes on friends. The fact that I have always not quite related, even to my gay peers. The fact that I never really knew I was gay because I had a crush on teachers and TV stars and assumed I was just looking up to them, but clearly this is a real thing, normal for a certain percentage of people. Phew but also, kind of difficult, no?


This will not be a popular comparison, but all this makes one feel a little more empathy for pedophillia---not any actions taken by those people--but the desire, which apparently comes inborn. Glad to have been set to the opposite side. I guess. So glad I found this blog.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 28th, 2016
Me too..
I'm exactly the same. It used to be more intense when I was younger, though I still develop these infatuations sometimes now (I'm 32). For me I think it is something to do with wanting to be loved, nurtured, understood, listened to and accepted... and it ends up involving sexual feelings because, well, I'm a young(ish!) adult and am a sexual person. I do think that for me it's something to do with my relationship with my mother as well as genuinely being attracted to women. I think it's quite normal and nothing to worry about. However, I must say that none of the older women I've had feelings for have ever fully reciprocated, even though it has certainly felt like there has been a connection of some sort from both sides.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 9th, 2016
Always attracted to older married women...
I started questioning my sexuality when I was around the age of 20. Now I have realized that I am a lesbian (I am now 25). I have, since around the age of 20, felt strong connections to older women in my life. I have always related well to them, and I have been told repeatedly by older female friends (40's on up) that I am an old soul. I never really even "realized" until recently, that is, that my feelings, the feelings of a racing heart, "obsession" (I call it that because of the perceived taboo), the feelings elsewhere...those are all related to my emotional connection with these women which, for some of them, has spawned in me a crush or romantic and sexual feelings. I tend to be attracted to straight women, which makes things all the more complicated, because usually they are married. But I love femme womyn, and I love listening and caring for and about another woman, and these unhappy-in-their-relationships straight older women tend to be my type. I fall so hard and so fast for them. I have never expressed my feelings for a married woman, and I don't think I could or would, but I did expressed my feelings to a single neighbor in her 50's once and was rejected by her, which was of course, exceptionally heartbreaking. These kinds of romantic infatuations tend to run my thoughts aground, mostly because I have always felt like I could never talk about these crushes with friends and peers and even other older women friends. Currently, I am falling hard for an unhappily married woman. I know she is somewhat unhappy, but I don't think I could ever bring myself to let her know how I feel about her, because I would never, if married, want anyone to jeopardize my own marital commitment, no matter how unhappy they may perceive me to be. I just don't know where to find my "type" without being a Lesbian Homewrecker. Any advice?
|
Did you find this post helpful?
12