Medical Questions > Relationships > Ending a Relationship Forum

It's My Choice But I Still Feel Horrible

Hi all

i have been married for 2 years now and decided to leave my husband about 6 months ago. We are still living together (in seperate rooms) and I will be moving out june 1st.

So, it's my choice to leave but i'm hurting so much! I am bombarded with whether i'm making the right choice or not. So scared of regretting it. However I have tried everything to fix it.

A little about him.

He's lazy, no motivation, wants me to be a part of his life but refuses to be a part of mine, doesn' want anything to do with my friends and won't do anything that I try to bring up (ie trips, new restaurants, being spontaneous or even sex..If i'm the one to initiate it) we had sex about once every 2 weeks even from the beginning. He says he is "content" with what he has in his life already and doesnt' need anything "new" i'm basically his mother and had to clean up after him around the house.

So, I figure...Right...I have to stop this. I'm still young, we dont' have any children I should find a man that can give me what I need and "share" my life with.

Sounds stright foreward dosen't it. Why am I hurting so much?? I never thought I would ever get divorced. It breaks my heart to think that this man tells me he loves me but isn't willing to share my life. I just don't understand it.

He says (when asked) that he wishes this didn't have to happen but isnt' willing to do anything about it. (tried to get him to go to counsilling..No go)

where do I find the strength to get over it..To put myself first...To give up on him??

Please help...I feel like i'm sinking.
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replied May 11th, 2006
Do It For You
Look if he wont try then there is no reason to save it .
Go on with your life and try to make it everything you ever wanted.
You owe it to yourself to be happy .
My wife left me in january because she wasnt happy (well she had been screwing someone else for 6 mos)
but hey dont beat yourself up just make sure its what you want .
Remember life is about happiness and life is short.
If you arent happy and content then go because later it will hurt you both more.
Okay well thats my view right or wrong
i hope you end up happy brako
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replied August 12th, 2006
I So Understand
I read your post and could have easily written it myself - our situations sound so similar! I too have been married for almost 3 years to a man who really needs to grow up (yes - I feel like his mother at times!) and avoids anything that isn't "fun" at all costs. After a year of trying to get him to communicate and "share" in my..Our life..It didn't happen. So I moved out almost a year ago now...And am not sure where to go from here. I too am sometimes afraid that I will end up regretting it - and wonder if I tried hard enough to make it work. Most times I think I did but just don't understand what happened. I too never thought i'd get divorced - but at this point it feels like there isn't another option - since I guess it takes 2 to be in a relationship. I don't understand what it is he wants - if not me (cuz I am a pretty good catch!)- and I am taking it pretty hard...A bit of a blow to the old self esteem!

It does hurt - even after almost a year of seperation...Maybe because I feel like I "failed" somehow. Am just really overwhelmed (sinking?) by this decision (ie next step) - as it seems I am making it all on my own - with no input from him other than his total avoidance of all things emotional...

Anyways - just know you are not alone in your feelings. I note your post was a few months back - hope you are doing better.

All the best.
K
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replied August 14th, 2006
Especially eHealthy
My boyfriend is similar to your men,but he isn't as bad and we aren't married.Hope everyhting gets better and you girls find what you deserve!
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replied August 20th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
I hope things work out maybe he needs to wake up and smell the coffee, if a realtionship isnt 50/50 then it isnt a relationship and yes it consists of taking and giving.

Dont feel bad I would have done the same and if wont help keep the relationship together then there is no hope for you in that case your a strong woman and deserve better. I left my girlfriend to marry hubby I never even liked him at first but it worked and I guess I could say im bi but anyways 2 kids down the road were still pulling it together.

I dont live on regrets instead I learned from them and I think you should do the same so basically let go and just learn who you are and what your good at you dont need a husband does nothing....

Good luck and hopefull you find a good man soon (i do not use the word perfect cause every man/woman had issues) alot can be worked on though if both parties agree!!
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