Tomorrow is the end for me. I am going to take all my ativan and all my risperdal. I have alot of risperdal so it should work. I'm tired of always feeling like an outsider. I feel like I don't belong anywhere, even with my family. I am supposed to start a new job on tuesday. Just the thought of being out in public makes me cringe. All those eyes on me, there's no way I can do it. I only filled out the application to get my boyfriend off my back.
The only time I feel ok is when i'm sleeping so hopefully tomorrow I won't wake up. The last time I tried this I used sleeping pills but I didn't take enough. Maybe risperdal will work.
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replied April 23rd, 2006
Seriously, dont do this to yourself!
Think of what you got to live for!!!!!!
Talk to your family. I'm sure they love you like you love them, trust me :)
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replied April 23rd, 2006
Hun are you still with us? I hope so.

Think about how many people you will be hurting by doing this to yourself. Especially your boyfriend and family.

Let us know if you are still here xxx
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replied April 24th, 2006
Experienced User
Still Here For Now
Instead of taking the risperdal. I took 60 depakote. They are big and I can only swallow one at a time so it took over an hour to take that many. So far I just feel a little drunk and cold.
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replied April 24th, 2006
Experienced User
Re: Still Here For Now
luvkittykats wrote:
instead of taking the risperdal. I took 60 depakote. They are big and I can only swallow one at a time so it took over an hour to take that many. So far I just feel a little drunk and cold.

this is not a good way to go! Is your bf home?
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replied April 24th, 2006
Experienced User
No, he's not home. He's at work. Starting to feel a little drowsy noow.
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replied April 24th, 2006
Experienced User
luvkittykats wrote:
no, he's not home. He's at work. Starting to feel a little drowsy noow.

how are you feeling now? Is everything ok? Did he make it home?
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replied April 28th, 2006
Experienced User
Call 911 now!! Don't do this to yourself. There is always a way, you just have to keep looking!!!

Please....
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replied April 30th, 2006
Experienced User
Well, I am still here. My boyfriend called 911 when he got home. By that time I had gotten sick and threw up half of the pills so that may be the reason I didn't die. I spent the night in the hospital and since our hospital doesn't have a psych unit they let me come home the next day. I was very surprised (and disappointed) to be alive after taking so many pills. I guess overdosing is alot harder than I thought.

I want to thank everyone who was concerned about me. I appreciate your posts.

Now I am still so depressed. I am not happy that I survived. I don't feel lucky to be alive. If I had a gun it would finally be over. I have even thought of trying to purchase one. I just don't care about living at all. I don't want to be in the world interacting with people and being out and about. I don't even care what I look like or if I am dirty or clean. I wear the same clothes day in and day out. I'm sorry to say it but I have given up at having a life.

For anyone wondering I have been diagnosed as major depression with psychotic features. I have severe paranoia sometimes which makes it hard for me to be around other people as I always come to believe that they are talking about me or plotting to hurt or embarass me. I also have voices in my head. They usually tell me to hurt myself or that i'm worthless or some other kind of bad thing. I have been hospitalized 3 times in the past four months and I refuse to go back again.
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replied May 1st, 2006
Hi

i am really new to this forum...And when I saw what u said I was really shocked.
I hope that u r ok...I'll keep a prayer for u in my mind that u will be fine.
I know that u have problems, but u made a difference in my life...And I cant explain it...But u just did.
Take care...
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replied May 10th, 2006
I know I am about half a year out since you bothered replying, but I want to say my peice..

Uve heard it from every1, so theres no need for me to say.. I am jus another person to add to your list of people who cares if you die or not, so anyway...

I used to get majorly depressed as well and have been on various types of anti depressent, which in my opinion, just make u tired and dont stop u from feelin like a peice a poo

ive been through the feelings of not wanting to go out, and obviously, I didnt, to be honest, I dont like thinking about it, so I wont talk about it, but jus giv it sum time, if u dont want to see any1 and you can afford not to work for a while, then dont

i know how u feel aswell about the only place u feel good is when ur asleep in bed, everything used to bore me and I never felt good, even doing things that r meant to be fun, games, friends, etc, but after god knows how long, I feel better now, today I got a lil bit peed off and then depressed, but I am better at coping now.. I hope u learn to control your feelings.. At least u hav (had? It was a long time ago) a boyfriend, I had my parents, which is great, but I never liked talkin about my feelings with them back then, if I had a girlfriend to talk to it probably would hav been easier, but then again, a lot of girls would probably think I was a poof or sumthing because I got depressed, but anyway, enough with my story tellin.. I have survived my feelings and am sure that in time u will have to (if u havent already) then u will be the 1 sharing ur stories and tellin people what not to do (u know!) anyway, blah blah, bye bye
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replied May 10th, 2006
Excuse my ignorance, the date that I thought u had typed this was the date u joined, I only jus noticed.. So obviously ur stil down in the dumps.. To be honest, I didnt used to like talkin about my feelings, but it is always easier talkin to sum1 without a face, I reckon anyway, so if u feel u cant talk to your bf or family, post on here before making any rash decisions, like taking all those tablets, ok! Now thats an order! ^^ jus kiddin, byyyeeee
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replied May 10th, 2006
Experienced User
Thank you all for the replies and support.

Just an update. I am feeling a little better these days. I started a new job two days after the attempt. I am doing ok with it except that I get paranoid about my co-workers and the customers there. Every shift I work is somewhat of a struggle. After it's over though I am happy that I was able to do it. Hopefully I can keep working, it is only part-time after all. I haven't been able to get rid of my suicidal thoughts. They are there everday.

I had some worries earlier that I may have damaged my liver when I took those pills. I knew it was a risk I was taking. It seems I had no need to worry as I have not gotten sick.

So all is well for now.
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replied May 10th, 2006
Experienced User
Omg.. Thank you so much!!! I'm sooooo glad that you are ok.. That is awesome that you got a new job !!!! That will help take your mind off of things a little bit.. Talking to us will help too !!! :d .. Anyway, i'm proud of you!! Thank you for keeping us updated! You had me so so worried!..
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replied May 11th, 2006
Experienced User
luvkittykats wrote:
trewq wrote:
damn thats, so what caused to try and commit suicide? There people in third world countries that have lives 100 times worse than you and they are not thinking about suicide, people in iraq die everyday in bomb attacks and iraqis they are not commiting suicides. Think about what you've done, your liver probably, and gotten nowhere, damn


i'm sorry that people all around the world have terrible things happening to them, but that does not cure my depression. It's not something I can snap out of. It's clear you know nothing about depression. Why don't you do some research on it before you make replies in the depression forum. You will see that suicidal thoughts/attemps are a symptom.


well said!! :)
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replied May 12th, 2006
Trewq,

i never read something more stupid in my life. You definetely have no idea what depression is about. What are you doing on this site anyway? You should be ashamed of making similar remarks. Although i'm one the happiest people in world now, I went through a terrible depression, and yes, I tried to commit suicide. I tell you, it is a terrible thing.

So next time you're trying to be a smart ass, inform yourself before giving these answers! Growup!
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replied May 12th, 2006
Experienced User
trewq wrote:
i am glad that you've never read anything more stupid in your life, buy yourself a medal

ok, that definately sounds like something a 6th grader would say!
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replied May 13th, 2006
Don't give trewq the benefit of your energy in typing a response..
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