Ok, so I met this beautiful girl during a competition about a month ago and I thought we really clicked. I'm pretty short (like 5' 4") and she’s even shorter than me (like 5' 0") which makes me a bit more confident I guess. We have a lot in common and have been talking for a while. I thought there might have been a chance to maybe date her but I was trying to establish a friendship first. She lives about 45 minutes from me and I used to go and watch her games all the time and talk with her as much as possible. However, I began talking to he ex-boyfriend (who is a good friend of mine) and apparently she is seeing someone else already. But the kid she’s seeing treats her like crap (and according to her ex, i’m better looking than he is) yet she doesn’t break up with him. So a few nights ago, i’m talking to her ex and he says "hey, i’m talking with her right now, what do you want to know?" so I said I wanted him to kind of see what she thinks about me. He said that she said she’s not interested because 1. She’s with someone right now and 2. I’m going off to college and she’s a junior in high school. Long story short, he told her a lot of things that he shouldn’t have and now she doesn’t want me to come to all her games anymore and she was going to go to prom with me (even though she was seeing someone else) but now she doesn’t want to. She told me herself that if she wasn’t seeing anyone, the only reason she wouldn’t be interested was because I was going to college. However, she said she still wants to be friends and that things can go back to almost normal now that we both are on the same page. Things are so much different now though, we hardly talk anymore and when we do, it almost feels strained. It just kills me because I really like her and I feel like I destroyed our relationship. What can I do to get her to change her mind?

*edit* she’s also leaving for florida for softball tomorrow at 6pm. I asked her if she had any free time so we could hang out before she left and she said she had a lot of stuff to do. (i don’t think she’s lying, she’s missing a lot of work while she’s gone). But here’s the thing, I want to leave her something on her car or something while she’s at work. Is this a good idea and if so, what should I leave. And one more thing, we will be at the same competition together son and she is celebrating her b-day and I am invited. I want to get her something but I don’t know what. She’s a big car fan (so am i) and she loves subaru sti's and I was wondering whether it would be a good idea to get her like a big die cast model of one since she told me how much she loves them and wants one? (like the pre-assembled ones you can buy at sharper image and other places) I don’t want to get her something that her bf should be getting her but I want to get her something that will make her think of me when she sees it.
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replied April 15th, 2006
First of all man, you gotta respect the fact she is in a relationship where she may be happy, and if that the case you gota just continue the friendship like your ok with that, when you do spend time with her dont force talk about getting together or of any relationship, apply the pirncapal pleasure not pressure, ok.


Second of all, if this girl does really like you let her realize it, dont try and force her to because it only reciprocates as pressure, get on with your life man, let her see that u dont need her,( even if you do ) then in time give her a phone, but make sure every time u talk to her you end the convo, this will show you as being a person who has stuff to do, and someone who isnt dependent upon her, then back of again for a few weeks, keep it going giving her like hot and cold flushes. Keep applying this princapal and it might work,
and do not buy her something that major for her birthday,
reason 1, if I was her bf and sum dude was getting her a big ass expensive present, I would question the fool. Lol

reason2, she will be wondering why the hell ur spending so much money on just a friend, that way she will lose respect for you and feel that ur desperate,

human nature, to want what you cant have, so act unavailable, if she wnts to meet up say ul be busy and things, trust me.
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replied April 17th, 2006
Ok, thanks for the advice. I've been talking to her a lot more not and things finally seem like they're going back to normal. She said that I can still come to her games and that prom is a possibility. I'm thankful that she’s not just cuttin me off completely but i’m not really ready to give up on her. I like your idea about making myself seem unavailable, I think i’m gonna try that. But I do kinda need an idea on what I should get her for her b-day. I know it can’t be too expensive or anything but I want to get her something not necessarily cheap but something that makes her think of me when she sees it. I found a few of those model cars that are less expensive (only like $30) and i’m wondering if that would work. If you still don’t think so, what would you recommend?
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replied April 17th, 2006
Active User, very eHealthy
Seriously, coming from a girl, don't push the relationship. She knows how you feel, and that's all you can really do. She probably freaked out on you and told you to stop coming to her games and that she didn't want to go to prom because she didn't want you to get the wrong idea.

I don't want to break your heart or burst your bubble, but this girl is .J.U.S.T your friend, and she wants it to stay that way. At least for now. I can almost guarantee that the second you start pushing it and talking about how deeply you care for her again, she's going to get really uncomfortable and might call off the entire friendship.

If you want to pretend like you're unavailable, that's fine... But please don't expect to get anything out of it, cause you don't know it will work. And if she's happy with her guy, it probably won't. But don't try to play her, cause girls aren't as stupid as some guys think.

As for the birthday present, think of it this way: how much would you spend on any other friend? If the answer (honestly, now) is $25. Then get her something for $25. Trust me, she'll know if you're playing favorites.
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replied April 18th, 2006
True. But she herself didn’t tell me she didn’t want me to stop coming to her games. See, the communication between her to her ex. And between her ex and me got kind of messed up. Basically, he made some stuff up for reasons that neither she nor I know. I’m not really trying to push the friendship, but I want to make it clear that I do have feelings for her. It’s kind of weird though, I said something to her today that I thought would make her uncomfortable and after I said it I apologized. And when I did, she almost got like, upset that I apologized. She said that I don’t need to apologize for saying nice things, and that I don’t make her uncomfortable. I’m pretty sure she knows that i’m available so I don’t know if that’ll work. I don’t know, I guess it just kind of sucks, because I think she'd be interested in me if 1. She wasn’t seeing someone else or 2. I wasn’t graduating this year. I don’t have a problem being friends with her but if given the opportunity, id really like to have a more serious relationship. I don’t know though, if you felt fairly strongly about not seeing anyone that was going off to college before you were, what would it take to change your mind?
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replied May 2nd, 2006
Ok, so I thought i’d put up a semi-update. Our friendship has gotten way better since a few weeks ago and we've been talking a lot. Basically, she dumped her other boyfriend but is not yet ready to start dating again because she has a lot on her mind. From what she tells me, she needs to get a few things worked out first. She really needs to get things straightened out with her ex (the one i've been talking to, not the recent one) because they've been fighting a lot recently and she really doesn’t want him to go to college on a bad note. This is pretty understandable because they were pretty good friends. The other and more important reason is because she needs to determine what she really wants. She came out and told me that she is not interested in a relationship with me at this point. This is because she’s not sure what she wants. And for that matter, she isn’t really interested in dating anyone else at this point either; she just needs to get her head straight. I’m really trying to be the best friend I can be to her and imp trying to get her over her real worries about dating someone going to college. Anyone have any advice on anything else I should do it or how I can go about making myself look like even more of what she’s looking for? She didn’t give me any specifics as to what she’s looking for but that’s because she doesn’t even know herself. Is there anything I should try to see if it has an effect?
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replied May 2nd, 2006
Experienced User
You seem more worried about her wants and needs....What about your wants and needs?
No offense but your not even going out yet and I can already tell whose wearing the pants.
Your letting her run the show tooo much....Don't be surprised if you remain the "good friend" and that's it. :)
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